I am sure that would not go over well as a conversation starter, however any suggestion that I remove her control over my paycheck wiill not go well either. It will be the 'You don't trust, How can you do this to the kids?, etc" kind of statements.

Dragonman,
You wanted a woman's perspective and you've gotten several. But I am not sure exactly what you want since you have come with excuses for why things won't work. You obviously don't want to quit your job making 80K, you don't want to move back to where she is, you don't want to make the difficult decisions that need to be made. If you want your marriage to work, it's not going to happen with 1000 miles between you. If you want your marriage to work, it's worth more than the money. But you have to believe that there is something to work for...something worth saving. It seems to me from reading your posts that you don't believe there is hope, but you want women to say that your wife is wrong for not being there to support you because you are making all this money.

[color:"red"]I agree it is not about the money, however the wife wants the money and wants me to get 2 jobs to continue making the same amount of money. She, on the other hand will only work if it does not involve daycare for the kids or her being tired while she is watching them. I have suggested getting away just us, been refused. Suggested counseling, refused. She says first 2 aren't mine, I get no decision making authority. I have suggested discipline when the kids talk back, are disrespectful, get bad grades, etc. Still nothing. Do I want to have my kids growing up thinking they have no accountability for their actions and everything will be handed to them? Should they think they have no responsibility? Staying with someone who refuses to change or discipline, how do the kids benefit? They see mom sit around, dad come home and do the household chores, and mom yell at dad for things he did not do and she won't verify. Is staying in the best interest of the kids? Would you stay under conditions like these? [/color]

Read Dr. Harley's information regarding Emotional Needs. Cut up the credit cards. Tell her that you will adhere to a strict budget. Someone has to give in on where to live. And the kids are your kids--all of them. There can't be divisions on decisionmaking and expectations between the kids just because two are from her first marriage....especially if their father is not involved. Kids need to see both of you as equals in decision making and rule setting/enforcement. Your wife needs to wake up to the fact that she is not doing the kids any favors because when they are 18, the cold, harsh reality that they are not prepared for graduation, college or jobs will be brutal.

[color:"red"] Wife teaches my daughter that mom's are always in charge and men are stupid. If I try to discipline my daughter, I am being mean to her. Everything I do is criticized or twisted around until it has nothing to do with the statement. She threatens divorce, threatens to harm the children, has no patience, punishes me for dreams she has, yet makes me out to be the bad guy to the kids.
[/color]
And as for you, your decisions are crucial. You may have to give up that dream job. But what would you rather your kids remember your for...the fact that you made money to buy them Abercrombie and Fitch or the fact that you were there to play and support and nurture and love them?

[color:"red"] Her daughter is the Abercrombie one. I am not allowed to make decisions in that regard. I would rather my kids remember me as the dad who was there. However, I also did not have say in their leaving. I was told 'They are my kids so you need to find a job and come home". This was regardless of the fact we could have survived here better than we can there, but that was not entertained as an option.
[/color]
Good luck as decisions like this are never easy and disappointment looms. BUT only if you continue to focus on the negatives. You have two beautiful children waiting for you who love you and they have not asked for this separation. Don't fool yourself into believing that your kids will love you more because of the money. A fool and his money are soon parted. Money can't buy your happiness. Make the choice.
SS

I think your wife is posting on another forum .... here's the link... Her screen name is "dragonista".

http://community.lhj.com/dgroups/index.j...ckCurrentPage=0

I am not sure what the "Neep" reference is about, but those women do not seem happy with my wife either, which is another surprise.

From Penalty Kill

Good grief Dragon. I read your posts and your wife's.

You want a woman's perspective? Here it is: Your wife's sense of entitlement is off the charts. She is also harming her children by being ridiculously indulgent. You are a conflict avoider, and it hasn't helped your marriage.

I am also looking at your situation from the perspective of someone who has two teenagers: My daughter would never even own a Victoria's Secret credit card, let alone be allowed to run up a $1000 bill (exactly how much underwear does one teenager need?). She's currently working two jobs this summer to pay her college spending $. She also does a lot of work around the house. My son is working as an instructor at a kids hockey camp - he just turned 16. He's been powerwashing the home walkways and decking, too. I think that it's hilarious that your wife thinks that rich people in your town are snobby, but that her daughter needs to dress in high-end clothing. Guess she doesn't understand the concept of irony.

BTW, our family income is *well* above your town's average, thanks to my talented, hard-working husband. Do I have an attitude? Maybe. Because here's a clue: people who want their kids to respect money make them work and don't overindulge them. They also expect them to help out at home. There's no such thing as a free lunch, and I am not the maid.

I was glad to see that your wife got some good replies on her thread, and that no one pulled any punches.

Why did you marry your wife? What attracted you to her? I wonder about the background of your relationship, how it began, and why she is so jealous of your ex-wife and your children from your previous marriage. How did you meet her? I suspect that you need to look at how your marriage began in order to understand how to proceed from here.

If I were you, I would immediately stop with the idiocy of allowing your wife to make the financial decisions. She's incapable, and shows exceedingly poor judgement. Man up and tell her to move back to where you are living. Cut her off financially. Whatever you do, don't quit a good job for one that pays less. With all those kids, you need as much money as you can make.

Take some of that $ and go to a good marriage counselor.

Take care.

PK