Wife thinks I'm a "workaholic". I don't see that I am, I have a job that MUST be done and I am the only one that can do it. I'm a farmer. The issue is vacation.

Wife is going to our cabin w/her parents and would like me to come down to pick her and kids up when parents leave to finish their vacation. She wants me to stay friday thru monday. I can't(I don't think) and tell her that I can come down sat and we can leave sun.

First of all, I don't want to spend ANY vacation time w/her parents, to list why would take too long.

Second, my wife has had responsibiliy problems and this is a good example. Livestock needs taken care of, some of which is her's and the kids'. I could get someone to do it, but why should I mess up their weekend for us?.......even if they do get paid. Hired man will not work sunday's, which is another _______ great problem to have!

My time off is in winter when I can be home by 6pm, and be home most weekends.

Why is this never enough? I also tell her that there must be sacrafices due to the things she(and I) wanted. ie nicer car, added on to house, cabin.

What do other self employed people do?

Ok, let me have it. I'm sure I'm in the wrong.

Do I stand my ground, ****** I don't even want to go anymore.

First, I don't blame you a bit for not wanting to "vacation" with your in-laws!

Second, seems like she and the kids could help to do their part in order to give you some time off. I'm assuming you work 7 days a week and it sounds like she's complaining that you work too much...but without help what choice do you have?

What does she say when you tell her that there are sacrifices to pay for the things you want?

Sat and Sun sounds like a decent compromise, you don't want to go at all but are willing to go for two days to spend time with your family. They want you there for four days, but would probably be happy with at least two days if that's what you can reasonably do. Does she have a way to get her and the kids home from the cabin or do you have to go to pick her up? If she drives, then you could visit Sat/Sun and they can come back whenever!

On the sacrifices, she says other farmers can get away and take vacations. "You can't work ALL the time".

It is a good 5+hrs away, w/gas prices it isn't too smart to take an SUV and a pickup that average 15mpg. So either she takes the suv and I don't go and she can stay as long as they want, or I pick her up and they come back sun.

She wanted a week, before. I just can't do that.

She was just excited and wanted me to go. Not her fault, but I also don't see it as my fault either. It's the way it is.

Her family also farms, but they also get away more often, much more than I ever have. She just doesn't understand the difference between her family and mine. Just different, neither good nor bad.

I grew up on a large farm and it is a 24/7 business, especially when it is not big enough to have a full-time hand or two or more.

What kind of farm do you run? How large?
Your wife grew up on a farm, yet doesn't seem to understand.
What is different about her father's operation?

LL, how was it when you wooed your W? Did you have dates? Did you spend time with your W?

While I can appreciate the life of a farmer, a family friend was one (and that was his SIDE job <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> ) From before dawn to dusk, there is something to tend to: fences, plowing, machinery repair, livestock, etc. It is a lifestyle that has much self-pride involved, as it is primarily a thankless task. Kudos for that fortitude.

However, in the now-a-days, W's do not have the same responsibilities as they did years and years ago. My friend's W raised the kids, raised the chickens, tended the family vegetable plot, mowed the lawn, made household repairs, washed and repaired the clothes, and cleaned houses as her side job. They don't even have trash service, they burn it all or reuse it. She is a rare creature among today's women.

Do you have anyone you could, on occassion, ask to feed the animals? A neighborhood kid who wants to earn a few bucks? Why not ask an employee if he/she wants some off-hours pay? I'm not admonishing you, but if you neglect your W in your dedication to your lifestyle, just like any corporate business over-achiever, you may alienate your W. She might see it as you don't WANT to spend time with her...