I have been around this site for 5 years. In that time, I have been offered and taken away much. Only rarely do I feel I have something to add that would be of value to someone else. I believe this is one of those times.

I have been divorced for 3 years. In that time, I became very close to and fell quite hard for a gentleman who works for my company. He has never been married. The company we work for is one of the largest in the world. We work in the same building which is named for our company and has 45 floors. We work in different elevator banks so we can successfully avoid each other if we want to and do not work in the same part of the business so we don't have to be around or interact with each other for work purposes. This weekend it became clear to me that we were not moving out of the friend zone and I needed to set a boundary. I sent him an e-mail telling him I am sorry I ruined our friendship by falling for him, but I can't be "just friends" with him. I told him if he wanted more, he knew where to find me but that I had to let go of our friendship to protect my heart.

I am hurting very much and am going through extreme withdrawal. (We would e-mail/IM each other throughout the day, have coffee or lunch, chat on the phone). It is killing me not to IM or e-mail him and say just forget what I said. I know he is feeling the same because when I was in a meeting, he left me a box of chocolate on my chair. If this is what I am feeling (and him, too, it would seem) being "just friends" and having never exchanged more than a "grandma" kiss goodbye (and only that on rare occasions), it will take granite solid will-power for affair partners who have done a whole lot more and were far more emotionally entwined and who work together to maintain no contact. I am hear to tell you it is positively impossible. In order to successfully recover a marriage, the affair partners must not work together - or even for the same employer, even at different locations. It is just too too easy to renew contact in a moment of weakness.

Regards,

Brits Brat

bb, sorry to hear you are struggling with your decision to seek all or nothing with your friend. If he feels the same way about you then what is holding him back form taking your relationship to the next level?


This is my WW's situation and I know if she ever becomes humbled enough to see R with me then she will have to quit her job. Honestly, I'm at the point where I don't even think I would try anymore, but who knows?

hang in there.

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Very sorry to hear this, BB, but IMO you did the right thing. Wanna have lunch this week for some moral support?

Your friend, Mel

Mel,

I'm there....just say where!

I really posted this as a learning for our BS' out there. This has really made me realize how deadly continuing to work together after an A can be to recovery. It occurred to me when I was in the elevator on my way back from a meeting....and I can be VERY stubborn when I want to be so the fact that I am fighting my urge to make contact tells me how truly difficult it must be for the WS'. VERY CLEAR - THEY MUST NOT CONTINUE WORKING TOGETHER!

Brits Brat

Hi BB~

Sometimes I think we BSes forget just how powerful and compelling those fluttery in love feelings are.

I'm so sorry you are hurting, but good job treating yourself with dignity.