This was the first time since my w moved out (six weeks ago) that she didn't cuss me out. There were no "f*** you"s, no "you bast**d", and no "go to hell"s! This was the 3rd visitation the kids had and it was the most calm.<P>She came right on time… I offered (and made) her coffee… she talked a little (very little) while kids were getting the last of their clothes together. She still had some sore points (me asking if she had called her mom…after mom's hysterectomy end of last week) and about her temp job [if she has one… she has lied so often in the last 6 months I can't tell when she is lying or telling the truth.] Other than saying she didn't want to talk about those things…(which I honored immediately without a word) it was a calm. I certainly hope… not before a(the) storm. Very little eye contact from her though.<P>I didn't do any Love Busting… I tried real hard to NOT "flood" her with love (like I had with my emails and web site.) If you remember… she called that "emotional abuse."<P>I know some of you will probably say (even though I'm in Plan A) don't do it (because of "emotional abuse")… but I already bought her a single yellow rose (the only kind she likes.) I am planning to put it onto her car's passenger seat tomorrow when she drops off the kids. With a very short note… "I hope this brings you a little smile today"… Me<P>I don't know if tomorrow will be the storm or not. But I'll try and keep a non-"emotional abusive" Plan A for quite some time. This board keeps me going… and is the second inspiration I get… right behind my faith in God.<P>But boy… it was great not being cussed out! <P>Jim<P>---------------------------------<BR>I can dare myself... I'll put a pebble in my shoe...<BR>I can walk... I can walk! I shall call the pebble Dare...<BR>Dare shall be carried... And when we both have had enough<BR>I will take him from my shoe, singing... "Meet your new road!"...<BR>Finally glad... Finally glad... That you are here... By my side...<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited October 09, 1999).]

I kinda like the rose thing. Bet her heart will, too, even though the aliens will try not to let it.<P>Good for you. Good for her not to cuss you out this time.<P>Maybe next time will be even better!<P>Lori

It sounds like you are really trying to make things smooth. I hope all goes well for you.<P>------------------<BR><BR>That Which does not kill us makes us stronger.<BR>

I like the yellow rose thing too!!<P>JUST DO IT!!!<P>Hope she accepts it with open arms and an open heart!<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

NSR I waited a little while to start plan A after H moved out. When he first left the only contact I had with him was about bills. Right after he left we had an arguement about me even contacting him so I kept it at a bare minimum. He has had no contact with me , children or garndchildren, or even his parents for two months. Now I have started plan A. My hope is tha after being with her for two months and wondering about his family maybe he is now ready to be open to me. But.... I am being very careful what I do. First I just sent him a sticky note attached to his mail that asked how he was doing, that I still cared and loved him, then I sent a card that said I missed you, along with a wallet size picture or the grandchildren, again I just said I loved him. The other day I wrote a letter. The letter was dealing with a problem and the house and I just told him I would like to see him sometime, and told him about our son's doctor's appointment. Hopefully everything was very simple. I guess what I'm trying to say is keep it as simple and "nonthreatening" as possible just little reminders that you care. Nothing huge and not too romantic. I do like the single rose. But just simple reminders that you still care. I think I am rambling but that is the type of night it is. Good luck and I think you have taken one baby step forward.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Well, I knew it wouldn't last...<BR>At least it wasn't as bad as it could have been!<P>W emailed me after she got back home (to OM=sponge.) She said <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Just wanted to let you know the clerk at Quick Chek liked your rose very much.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Well, she could have just thrown it out...<BR>Or just stomped on it...<BR>Or tossed it into my face.<P>At least she passed it on for someone else to enjoy. She made someone happy from what I did for her.<P>NO LOVE BUSTING... <P>Jim

I usually forget those little icons but this one's for her - what a jerk! I hope they left at least one thorn on and it pricked her!!! I still like the rose.<P>Good for you no lovebusters. That showed AMAZING restraint.<P>Oh, well, better luck next time. Hey - at least she wasn't using profanity, right???<P>Lori

Aren't they all jerks?? Maybe it makes her feel guilty. She can't handle the guilt that she feels so she lash out at the one who makes her feel that away. I don't mean you are doing that on purpose but I think when we show our love for them it makes them feel guilty about what they are doing. She is responding maybe negative but it is still a response. So you are getting to her. Think how you would feel if she did nothing in response to your emails, the rose, and your note. Now I don't know if this is a good sign or not. But you are getting to her, and as long as you don't lovebust. Flash thought.... Maybe she is testing you seeing how you react. I don't know just a thought. Just some ideas that popped in my head. Maybe they will help.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

<B>lostva:</B><BR>Well my restraint wasn't all that amazing...<BR>I only found out after she emailed me...<BR>and...<BR>your right... there was no profanity in her email!<P><B>SDS</B><BR>You are right too! Much of her responses are because of guilt... She did tell the kid's 3 weeks after discovery <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I know I am committing adultery and it's wrong.... it's a sin... but sometimes you have to do things to make YOU happy... if I'm happier... I'll be a better mom!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>It's too bad that "guilt" isn't enough to bring her to her senses.<P>I really think it will take another woman to lure my W's OM away from her (like in Harley's SAA... remember "greg".) I've been told by OM's current wife (his second) he <B>is</B> a <I>womanizer...</I> likes the strip club scene... Too bad he <B>has</B> been able to cover that up from my W. Isn't deception a key in all affairs!<P>Patience... Patience... Patience...<P>Jim<P>------------------------------<P>I can dare myself... I'll put a pebble in my shoe...<BR>I can walk... I can walk! I shall call the pebble Dare...<BR>Dare shall be carried... And when we both have had enough<BR>I will take him from my shoe, singing... "Meet your new road!"...<BR>Finally glad... Finally glad... That you are here... By my side...<BR><p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited October 10, 1999).]

NSR. One of these days soon her eyes will open. Everything I have read say a womanizer will not be able to stay with one person for very long. I know that is hard to wait, believe me I know the OW is a manizer ( is there such a word) any way I keep waiting for her to show her true colors. And I think he is too, and you know probably deep down so is your W. They know and they had doubts. They are just waiting and don't want to admit it. I know about my H doubts because I read H's journal. So hang in there. I will keep you in my prayers.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>