Update on my situation. WH moved in with OMW 4 weeks on Wednesday. Right now, we're trying to settle on terms of LSA, and then I am going into Plan B.

Other than short TMs about LSA, I don't have contact with WH (at this point I am trying to avoid LBs!) But he does talk to his family ocassionally and when they ask how he's doing they say he only says "I'm okay I guess" and sounds flat/distant.

Now if I were living with my soulmate, the love of my life I'd imagine I'd be doing more than okay--I would be delirious and happy in love... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

So what gives? Why put your families and yourself through all this misery just be "okay"? I know about the fog and all, but really.

Any thoughts?

smartiepants

Sounds like things are not going according to the affair fantasy. Real life with the OW may be settling in.

The "what gives" is that WS's are completely selfish and believe they are entitled to do these horribly destructive things for their own "happiness". They aren't thinking about anyone's pain.

Keep avoiding those LB's.

Is his family putting pressure on him about his choices?

SP,

How about looking for sympathy, empathy, and/or compassion from anyone that might give it.

johnstwin

In fact, his family has been phenomenal is trying to bust up the A! They have made it clear they are totally on my side in this and each time they have any meaningful conversation with him they try to show him the error of his ways. They are devastated by this whole thing and have been a great comfort to me.

Krusht

You make a good point. Since this whole thing came out, WH has been trying so hard to have others sympathize with his sitch. Other than a couple of firends, he has gotten zilch support, comfort or sympathy (same goes for OMW's side of the house.)

Another interesting thing: even though they are living together, they are still trying to hide the fact that they are having an A. WH will only tell people he's living with OMW if expressly asked. They both are telling their families that their present living together is only "temporary" and that WH will be moving out of her place soon into his own apartment so they can have the "space needed to explore their relationship". This is a total lie in my opinion because when WH moved EVERYTHING he owned out of our home when he left and took it to her apartment. He's also having his mail forwarded to her apartment.

I'll never understand it if I live to be 100. But my IC says that's a good thing! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Maybe it's strange but it pisses me off that he has brought all this pain and destruction and he can't even pretend to happy!!

SP,

How are you doing? What are you doing to take care of yourself? My WH moved in with his OW. I have tried exposing it as much as I can, but she is divorced and I have no way of knowing what they are saying to her side of the family.

Mine says it's "tough". He is learning to be alone, as he sleeps next to her each night and that he will survive, never mind the fact that he hasn't contacted his children pretty much at all since he left.

The scary part is how they truly twist things around and you are just left wondering what the heck.

My prayers are with you,

SG

skinsgal

I have followed your story with great interest. I see many similarities b/t your sitch and mine.

Each day, I have my good moments and bad moments. It is probably all heightened by the fact that I want this LSA issue to be put to bed. But I am really working to take care of me and come out of this situation better for me--even if the M does not survive. I am really struggling with patience to see this through to the other side.

We don't have kids, but OMW has 3 teenage sons. She has not spoken to them for 1 - 2 1/2 months (depending on the child). How she could do this her sons I'll never understand. Being a woman who couldn't have children of my own, the most horrifying aspect of this A is how she just discarded her kids. I mean WH (when he was H) was a nice guy, but I'd never say he was worth sacrificng your relationship with your children!!

Keep the prayers coming. I need all I can get.

Smartie

Can you email me at skinsgal@wwdb.org, and we can help each other?

Or is that no allowed,

SG

skinsgal

I don't think it's a problem for us to email each other. I'll email you now and give you my contact info.

Smartie