My W and I are 10-11 months out from D-day. We are doing very well lately and most know our story. Just a few questions; recently my W sent me an e-card from Hallmark, which is very heart felt after a good afternoon and evening together. Unfortunately, some of the phrases and sentences are word for word to a similar card sent to the OM saying basically the same thing. Now I thanked my W for the card, but it bothers me to some extent the content and the wording of the e-card – Do I tell my W about what bothers or triggers me about what she wrote or just let it go?

Second, The dates of my W’s PA occurred during the months of July and August and are rapidly approaching, these days are coming at me with anticipated dread. Any suggestions or inspiration on how to handle this situation before it happens – I have these intense feelings of uneasiness (Putting it mildly).

C.G.

Your wife is back and seems to be repentant. I would IGNORE the fact that the ecard is similar to what she sent OM. Just realize that she wasn't in her right mind then.

The anniversary of the affair will be hard to get through. It is for EVERYONE. But that is just part of recovery. Maybe you can do something new and different this year during that time. You can start building wonderful new memories.

Tkanks for the advice, as to the card, thats what I was going to do, I just did not know if I should express to her how it made me feel.

C.G.

So is everything in your marriage better? Do you spend 15 hours a week doing fun things together? Has she figured out WHY she had the affair?

CG,
I would say no about expressing how the card made you feel.

The reason being that it was a gesture of kindness. In time it will probably actually make you feel as she intended it to. In addition to that if you do say something it may cause paralysis by analysis. Ok I want to send CG a nice card but I honestly don't remember what I sent OM so I can't send CG something because it might trigger him.

See what I am getting at. I doubt she remembers everything she said and wrote. Unfortunateley it is burned in our minds.

As for the dates good luck. It is going to hurt and trigger you. I cried, i mourned like it was the anniversary of a death of a loved one.

It is what it is. You are strong and you will get through it.

~Believer

At this point I would say everything that deals with our relationship is better. We are together constantly, we communicate better, we express our feelings better and we treat each other with more respect and love, and just generally enjoy each other's company more these days - we have much to be happy for.

We spend much more then the 15 hours per week together, we read to each other from the MB and other books, we discuss what we read openly, and we are still learning. As to the why. We are both in MC and my W goes to IC to try an answer this question. Right now the answer is because she wanted to and could. We have discussed the blaming, the justifying and the validating she did to have the A, but she states she could never do it again after what we have been through - most reasons boil do to selfishness.

C.G.