Hello everyone. New to the forum and hoping for some advice or views on what to do.

I am in a relationship with a beautiful woman and we want to be married. We are both divorced. My previous marriage ended 5 years ago and was amicable. Her divorce just became final but their relationship was bad. In fact, there is a restraining order against him.

We are planning the future but I have some concerns. She has a business that isn't doing very well (due to actions of the ex) and so there is a risk of bankruptcy proceedings. She's working it as hard as she can and trying to save it but we know the bankruptcy is possible. She also has a house for sale but she won't get as much for it as she owes. The ex isn't paying anything so she's left holding the bag (mortgage, utilities, etc.). She doesn't have the money to cover everything and neither do I.

The main concern I have is how my credit will or may be affected by marriage to her. I have very good credit and budget pretty well. I have some debt but not bad. My house is in my name only and worth much more than I owe (despite a down market).

At this point I guess I'd like to know what some of you think about this situation and what advice or thoughts you might care to share. Thank you.

Others may be more knowlegable that I am about this, but I have been through bankruptcy right after my divorce. If you see a possibility of it I would ask her to file before you get married. This way none of the creditors would have any grounds to come after you for anything (I think I am right about that, but I could be wrong). I think your best bet is to go talk to an attorney that specializes in bankruptcies. There are a lot of subtle rules around them and careful planning can make things a whole lot easier.

I'm not an accountant nor attorney. Nor do I play one on TV.

As long as you do not apply for credit jointly, marriage doesn't impact your credit rating.

So if one spouse has good credit and one bad, the bad credit spouse is not considered if the application does not include her as a co-applicant. (But then neither is her income.)

Regarding the sale of the home and the business issues, I'd say that is probably beyond this non-professional's view.

You will probably need to discuss this with an attorney and perhaps an accountant to make sure you are protected.

I find it interesting that your relationship with this woman has budded to talks of marriage even before her divorce was final. Were you having an affair with this woman?

That would help explain the ugly divorce and the RO.

Regardless, she should get her financial business in order prior to heading back to the altar. Creditors will hound you whether it is your debt or not. As her H you become fair game for ugly debt collectors.

Even if she files bankruptcy before getting married, it could affect you later. Are you going to be the sole purchaser of credit items? A new home perhaps? Furnishings for the new wife? Is she going to tap into your credit because hers is shot to pieces?

Are you going to head into a new marriage with a 'what's hers is hers, what's mine is mine' attitude? Including debt? That may require a pre-nup.

I took him at his word that she was divorced.

It's possible that she is legally divorced, yet the division of property is not complete, or that debts remained joint even after everything was finalized.

However, I do not wish to invalidate your other concerns, as I believe they are right on the money.

It may also be too soon for her to marry. None of us know the timeline, so your questions are certainly valid.

EE,

I didn't question whether either of them was currently divorced. I just raised an eyebrow at what I perceived to be overlapping relationships, i.e. (her divorce just became final).

Jumping into a new relationship/marriage so quickly usually spells rebound or pre-divorce affair. I'm not judging...just curious.

Thank you for your input. Sorry for the delayed response but had to deal with a family emergency (which fortunately ended well).

I will state right away that we have never had sexual relations. The most I've done is kiss her on the cheek, give her a hug, or hold her hand. I know some people may not think that was right but I guess I just didn't see it as an act of infidelity. I did meet her well before her marriage ended but the relationship was strictly friends through mutual business groups. Nothing more. However, about 8 months ago we began talking more and more, and realized we had a great deal in common, especially as it relates to spiritual beliefs. Her divorce became final about 5 months ago yet they were separated for nearly 2 years. It's a long story as why the divorce took so long to finalize and really not relevant to this topic.

The financial difficulties are the result of actions on the part of the ex. Money was embezzled from the business and some credit card debt was run up. By the time she caught it the total was substantial. He's out of the picture, removed from the business, the divorce is final, and we are moving on. However, the house and credit card debt needs to be addressed. Her business is not doing well but she plans to keep working at it. However, there isn't enough cash coming in to pay the business bills and also the mortgage + credit card debt. He isn't doing anything and we know he probably never will. Her lawyer is advising personal bankruptcy. A business bankruptcy is still possible. My understanding is that her personal bankruptcy, if performed before we marry, won't affect me if I don't include her in my finacial decision to take a mortgage or other type of loan. I'm also of the understanding that any creditors would not be able to come after my assets because it was performed prior to our marriage.

Also, regarding the business and possible bankruptcy with that, does it make any difference if I'm not named as an owner and there is a prenuptial agreement excluding me from that business?

My understanding is, as far as credit and what can be taken/used/whatever is this (although it probably varies state by state):

My wife and I have always had a lawyer present at each of our home closings, in several different states, and in each of them we were advised to put the home title in both of our names, as well as cars and other major things like that. The reason was that creditors CAN NOT seize property that belongs to 2 people if only 1 of them is responsible for the debt.

So, since the house is in both of our names, if either I or my wife get into trouble individually, creditors cannot look at the home or anything else, because it would be unlawful to take something that belongs to my wife in an attempt to collect on my debt.

We discussed these things with lawyers since I have a business on the side that could potentially involve liability and such. I am not a lawyer, it could vary from state to state, blah blah blah. But, this was my understanding anyway.

I had bad credit going into my failed marriage. It did take a "this is mine, this is yours approach" and we financed everything separately. Having run a business I can tell you it's a lot harder then anyone things, many go bankrupt, especially during or after a divorce. I continue to run the same business and it goes up and down although it supports me well. My ex had perfect credit, he knew going into a marriage that I didn't, I worked to repair it and now my credit is goo. However in the marriage I felt like a second class citizen in many ways. We didn't sign the house papers together. He co signed a car so I could get better interest. I just sometimes felt like a child, that he was older then me didn't help. Yes credit does affect the other spouse in one way or another. Many people have credit issues, especially anyone who's ever run a company. Sometimes the best business people I've met have filed for bankruptsy before then went on to succeed, learning from mistakes. I know I learned from my mistakes and I'm very careful about the credit I now have. I'd be very open with her and yourself on this issue, as they say money issues are the main cause of divorces - if it's true, don't tread lightly on the issues. Communication is key.