Post deleted by LovingAlong

I'm curious as to why you still have this letter if it's from so long ago. Does your H still read it, is that why he gets foggy?

My 2 cents is she was being very dramatic and most A's thrive on drama. Her words don't mean squat. IMO, print it out burn the copy of it and delete it for good from your computer.

LC

What a very sick, evil individual. She speaks of "showering" your children with "so much love" as she plots to destroy their lives by taking their father away so she can get laid. She shows her "generosity" with their own family's money by stating that she wants them to have the best as if this is HER money to spend. Sick, sick, sick, warped, warped, warped....

Have you ever read People of the LIE, by M. Scott Peck? Her evil is described in that book.

Yes, why do you have this letter, LA?

G-A-G!!!!!!!

Isn't she so thoughtful and sensitive, of course you will be just thrilled to death to see your family torn apart so that your husband and children can be showered with love and adoration and in need of nothing.

I need one of Chrisner's puking emoticons here.

I didn't delete it I don't know why. H deleted everything but somehow this email he forwarded to my work email account is still here and I just happened to bump into it today. I should just delete it I know.

LA

I know amI. LOL. This one makes me GAG too.
How could a WOMAN be so sick to think like this, huh??


LA

LA,

The opening sentence is meant to be sympathetic, but actually places him beneath her for the rest of the letter. She sees herself as "in charge" of him, and as his overseer. The letter itself takes that position. Throughout the letter, she takes the stance that she needs to tell him how things are, how things will be, what she has planned, and how she will carry them out. Basically, she is "in charge" of this relationship, but uses the next paragraph to try to reduce that sense, and create for him the idea that he is her rescuer.

The next paragraph, regarding her supposed tenderness, is to set up a psuedo-needy position for herself, where he is to be her caretaker, and she is needing of him. The entire paragraph, is, however, blatantly false.

Anyone who has actually taken nitroglycerin knows how it affects a person, and when you take it, it is nigh onto impossible to take it "secretly". Trust me. I have taken it, and it isn't fun, nor is it something you take "to stay strong". Lie, this whole paragraph.

The lie of the paragraph is told in this sentence:

"I didn't want my parents to see it or you to know about it.." Had this been true, the entire event would not have been mentioned in the letter, now would it?

The letter, while appearing supportive of the children, is actually a slam on you and an attempt to reassure him that you are weak, and she will be a much better wife and mother to his children than you are. She repeatedly states how "your wife doesn't know" this or that, but how SHE DOES know, and how she will take care of him.

She essentially places herself in the role of rescuer of him throughout the letter. She is cajoling him to leave you, and talks mostly of MONEY in this letter, under the guise of love. There is some talk of what she believes is best for the children. This talk of "best for the children" centers around schools, and money, and spoiling them - but there seems to be no mention of the fact that their home and family would be torn apart by her interference in the marriage they grew up in, and being split from their parents, visitations, etc. She also fails to address any issues regarding the feelings of the children, instead discussing them more in the abstract - very telling, as she treats them more as objects to be obtained in the divorce settlement as opposed to children being negatively affected by the emotional upheaval she herself is actively participating in creating.

What your husband fails to see, is that this letter also places her squarely in the position of a thief, with regard to essentially stealing the role YOU have in his life. She wants, basically, to be LA.

She clearly plots how to take your family away from you, how you will "get over it", how she will do it, and that she doesn't care about what anyone else thinks - and even says she cares only that the two of them are together. All under the guise of being sweet and patronizing the children, while she plots to destroy their loving family and home life.

This is quite a unique writing, in that she is unabashedly stakes her claim, is unafraid of doing so, has no apparent guilt about her activities, and openly discusses her plans. There is almost an unawareness that you are REAL.

Furthermore, if she were as tenderhearted as she claims, she would have some semblance of pain and empathy for you. She expresses none of that. Nor does she show any anticipation of pain for the children.

This woman is clearly very unfeeling, and quite egocentric.

Perhaps he needs to look at this letter again, with the above information in hand?

Schoolbus

I would like to add to my earlier thoughts. Based on your sig line, I see another reason to disregard this letter from over a year ago. The fact OW didn't respond to the last attempt at contact she may not even feel this way any longer. You are wasting your time and energy on something that may have no meaning whatsoever.

My advice, from now on if you run across things from a year ago delete them without reading them, you will save yourself a lot of grief this way. Put your focus and energy on the here and now.

Please know I hope to not come across as being harsh. I'm thinking about things I may have written to FOM back during the A and the difference in how I would feel 1 year after the A ended. Now that I am 4 years out, I'm sure I would cringe and gag at my own stuff written during the A.

LC

Thanks SB. Maybe I didn't delete the letter for a reason <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.
I felt the evil in this letter but couldn't really articulate it as well as you did.

I still can't talk about her with H yet ( he would get defensive), but in time I hope he will see her true colors.

You know what, she even blackmailed WH at that time using her heart conditon, refusing to go to hospital, but claimed that she could die if he leave her to return to his family ( they stayed in a hotel for 2 days after WH confessed ).

I really don't know if H understands this yet. I hope in time he will.

LA

It was really interseting to read your email. It was very similar to a "love letter" that OW wrote to my WH while we were in still in Plan A and he had broken NC. (I found it snooping--thanks MB'ers!)

In my case, OW did not talk about money (they would never any so it was a non issue), but she certainly talked about things that made it clear she wanted my life with WH. Ex: she talked about wanting to run away to France with him (we had just returned from a vacation in france two weeks earlier); she talked about wanting to take walks and sleep with WH and our two dogs (WTF?!?); she tells him to tell his IC that it's not breaking NC if they only write letters and emails to each other, and if she (OW)talks to his IC she (IC) will understand what a great person OW is (where is that puking icon again?)

Evil, selfish, sick. After confronting my WH with it, I shredded the damn thing. It was unreal and I never wanted to see it again.

smartiepants2

Oh, I want to BARF!!!

Are these people for REAL???

So she's just going march right in and take over and play mama to your children. These people are sick.

I remember Mr. Rlt telling me how they sat in his car talking about their children, and how he thought she cared so much for his children. Right. She cared a whole lot for them, didn't she? So much so that she was going to take their Dad away and not even bat an eye. And worse? He bought it!

Sometimes, I can just keel over from the craziness of all this.

LA:

About this:

"I still can't talk about her with H yet ( he would get defensive), but in time I hope he will see her true colors."

You need to have this conversation with your WH. Until you can have some sensible conversations about the OW, will you ever get down the road of recovery.

WHY?

Why should you talk about the skank?

Because that skank captured a part of your WH that was enough to peel him away from you.

The email itself? the first line was a guilt trip, and the rest a promise to suffer for her "love" for your H.

Delete it. It means nothing now.

But you talking to H about the OW? Time to do that.

It will allow you some intimacy with your H as he starts to betray to secrets he held with OW.

And that's part of the road back.

Do YOU REALLY CARE About OW? No. But you care about your H.

And there are things to talk about with him, that will be painful, for you, and for him. But if you talk about them with him, and become honest and open, you will GROW. So will your H. But he needs to feel safe to talk to you about it. Knowing that if he is honest with you, that he will not get bit on the butt later.

BS and I have done this. I have been O&H with her, and we have discussed OW many times, things that concerned her. W has never come back and bitten on me for those things. She respects the honesty, and has been able to move to forgiveness with me about it.

Mull that over for a while.

LG

Lousy,

I wanted to ask a question of you, but can't find where you have an active thread, so if LA doesn't mind I'll ask you here.

A couple of weeks ago you gave me the link to your story about how you were a FWH. Very interesting.

I just read HNHN, and harley states that with men more than women, remain addicted to OP pretty much for life, sometimes going back to them after many years. Is that true with you? If you saw here again would that be a problem? Just curious. I'm thinking if that is a big problem, why try to move forward? Give me your thoughts on it.

Thanks LA for letting me use your thread. (Better to ask for forgiveness than ask for permission) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Yeah, just pay someone enough and the quality of their life will be fine. Guess she thought you'd be easy to buy out.

Loving,

when I read that letter, I somehow had to laugh.............it's so full of bull............

I don't know your story and I'm sorry that you still feel that you have to hang on to this letter............and yet I can understand that you might not be ready yet, to get rid of it. I wish for you that the day will come when you can burn it or simply throw it away.......

If this woman has children of her own, then I believe she wrote the letter with the knowledge that she really is aware how to manupulate your husband. She knew what would truely get to him...........but it sure isn't based on reality and I'm more than sure that the enthusiasm wouldn't of went on for very long...............working and paying her $$$$ for you and the kids wellbeing. This would affect any normal person slowly but surely within time and resentment would be the result.

OW was trying everything just to reach her goal. She wanted your man...........no matter what. How can one even believe that she would be capable to change her behaviour once she had him????

It's like a game and she seems to know how to play it......you first do everything to get what you want and then????? The it becomes disgusting...........it becomes a burden...............no matter what.............if she would of worked her butt off to get the $$$, she would of felt sucked within time.........working and not getting the pay for yourself is frustrating. If she wouldn't of worked for the extra $$$$$..........your husband would of been frustrated with the situation because he wasn't getting what she promised him.

I don't know how old you children are but I can tell you one thing.......when my husband was having his affair, my kids were 17yo.+ 20yo. I love them with all my heart but at that time, I didn't enjoy them all that much. They believed they were in their 30's and they didn't make life any easier at that time.

The xOW in our situation didn't have any children but she sure knew everything about how to raise children and how easy it was.............well this is what she told my husband. She didn't understand how a person could have any problems with their children and she surely wouldn't......

She told my husband that it was easy to organize household, business and children and she'd even go to work to get the extra $$$$ so that they could share their hobby together.....xOW was simply going to kick OWH out of her house and let my husband move in.............it was as simple as that. (she was a stayathomehousewife with no kids and the house belonged to her husband:-)

This haunted me for quit awhile..............I just didn't get it.....

I felt so unorganized and uncapable.......I was organizing everything and it surely was not something easy. It was more than demanding. I never was finished.......

Now, I know that OW didn't have the slightest clue about what she was talking about, and that gets me smiling......she wouldn't of managed a single week with my kids and doing the business work + going to work + spending time with my husband sharing their hobby. (because I surely would of sent my kids to live with them, knowing that this would of been over within a short time)

The affairees think one thing but life and reality say something completely different!!! Remember that.....

It's easy to live in a dream-world and define life with rainbow-colours.............that's about all what the OW was doing in your situation...............she was playing the game that some women play with men and he fell for it......

Some men just don't see what they truely have and they tend to dream about what life could be like, instead of realizing that life has it's ups and downs......there is no perfect relationship.......it's what you make of it.

If your husband would truely wake up.......he'd see that the ow was making him an offer..........a dangerous offer.....one that would lead to destroying what he thought he had with her........from the beginning on.......
She was trying to buy him.........she was making him a deal just to make things appear "lovy-dovy"...........but if he really would give it a serious thought and read this letter with the eyes of a woman.........he'd see how phony it was........it even gets me laughing how stupid a man can be to take those words serious.........

Gosh, how immature can a man be......to believe the words in such a letter................it's amazing how little a woman has to do....to get a man to fall for her......

Sorry that this is getting a little long but another thing just popped into my mind. I remeber one time when my husband and I were talking about the xOW......I was trying to explain the game that xOW was playing with him. He didn't get it at first......but I put myself into her shoes and I told my husband that I knew exactly what she was telling him. He looked at me somewhat puzzled......

I told him that ANY woman could do what she was doing........it's a game........quit easy as a matter a fact, mostly if you're that kind of woman.........

I then went on.............and displayed how I thought that OW talked with him.

Me: Oh Dear.......I can understand you completely....you are such a wonderfull man and your wife takes you for granted. You give all you have and it's not appreciated. I can truely understand how that feels. It hurts and I know that feeling. I'm going through the same thing and all I want is to leave in peace and to have a pleasant life......I want someone to appreciate what I do and just to see how precious the little things are. I myself don't need big things in life.... I don't need $$$$ and I don't need a man that has to go out of his way.....I want my man to enjoy his life and I want my man to be able to do the things that he dreams for. I'd do anything to make my man's dreams come true.......I don't want any problems......life is simply too short and too precious.....I can't stand people nagging and complaining.....I love the thought of all of us sitting at the table and enjoying a wonderfull self-made meal......laughing and talking and being happy.........It makes me so happy to see how easy-going you are and I love so many things about you.......you're unique and you're so special........


I went on abit more and my husbands eyes got BIGGER and BIGGER...........he couldn't believe what I was saying and he asked me how I knew that??????

I asked him if he thought that I had talked with xOW???? Well, I told that I hadn't because I didn't need to......I'm a woman and these are the games that some women are capable of playing.........

I looked at him and I asked him if he truely believed the garbage that xOW had told him........this is when it started to sink in........

bb

I get why you still have that letter...

if you haven't been able to talk to your husband...it means this letter is a piece of of the puzzle you don't have.

You don't know about their relationship, but THIS letter is part of it.

You need to ask your questions LA.

Thanks BB, I should try your OW talk when time comes, that's funny <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

LG and others, you are right, I need to talk to H about it and oh, so many other things I need to talk to him also !! But I just can't do it yet...He wouldn't engage in any talk that's related to his A. It has been going on for too long and I'm very frustrated about it. I have a thread in recovery forum and SB and others are helping me in communcation department.
I'm not sure why H couldn't open up. It's like whenever his A was brought up or even hinted, his whole face got twisted and he experience physical pain and couldn't breathe. If I don't stop, he would have to step out of the room or just shut up totally.
I know some of you will say check for contact. No, I don't think it's that. His withdraw was very long but I think he has passed that. But maybe it's his shame? Or mayabe it's me not making it safe for him to talk yet? It still makes me sad and angry thinking about this, but I'm trying to be patient and try to open up communication little by little.
I guess for some men it's harder than for others. But I do need to be able to talk to him about all things, otherwise I don't think I can keep loving him...

BTW, I am a career woman with a master's degree in engineering. My 401K is more than my H's even if he makes more money than me now. I don't know why OW talks about money so much, it's a nonissue here. I don't think I would get any alimony if we were to divorce. OW said she did those reserch, but it's not true. She just wanted to appease WH since it was one of WH's concern I guess.


LA