I am looking for advice. I filed for divorce from my husband of six years. We have a four year old son and I am 5 months pregnant. Our marriage has been pretty much ****** since 2003. All together he has cheated on me four times. Then of them were relationships but one nighters. Now, this fourth time he is in a relationship with a co-worker at work. He is her boss. He says he does not love me like a wife but cares about me. A couple of weeks ago while I was trying to talk to him, we ended up making love and he asked if I could hold off on the divorce and give him some time to think. I have hold off for two weeks and he continues to see this women. He got his own place. I have tried everything. I started going to counseling on my own and being nice to him and not mean. He said he is not ready to give up everything, meaning his family, etc. but he is not showing me any change. I love him with all my heart and still believe he can change. Either I am completely blinded or should just move ahead with the divorce. He will get the papers tomorrow. I am trying to save my family. I know this relationship is only about sex. She is a big slut at work and sleeps with alot of guys. I feel I must move forward if he is unwilling to change. He has told me he is not happy and knows he is doing what is wrong. I have a Saviour complex and just want to help him. Last night I told him that I was done trying and will leave him alone but I am dying inside and still have hope. Help please!!! Thank you.

Is this the end? multiple choice
	suzanne78
Votes accepted starting: 07/25/07 12:00 PM
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In some ways, I think it ain't over till it's over....It's a hard road to try and win over the ambivalent...but, by following the strategies here...it may be possible....Harley says don't stop trying until the divorce is final...and even then, you may be able to recover....It's a tough road tho, especially when you receive nothing in return....you have my support...

Suzanne,

I'll give you the advice I wish I had gotten clearly much earlier on in my own process: Chances in your situation are slim. VERY slim. I won't say impossible, but you need to prepare yourself for the probability that you will need to go through with the divorce. Prepare yourself mentally and emotionally (and financially, to the extent you can).

Let me offer you this thought: your husband, whatever other things he has going on in his head that may be wrong with him, has one issue that you've contributed to, and that is, he has NO respect for you, and you've done very little to force him to give you any. I would suggest you read Dr. Dobson's book "Love Must Be Tough." The Marriage Builder material is great to assist you in preventing marital decay, but you're past "issues" and in full-on major critical problem territory.

Let me offer this second thought: your husband, even though we know he has a major lack of respect for you, DOES have substantial problems of his own. You CANNOT change him. You will send yourself into a far worse depression than you're already feeling if you think you can. Only he (and God) can change him. It's not your place to try. Let go of your hopes of changing him, and focus on getting healthy. If God blesses you with a miracle and your husband DOES change himself, that will be GREAT, but in any event, you need to be a healthier and stronger woman. Your children need you to be stronger... Love them by loving yourself enough to be strong.

You have my prayers,
WBF

I have been asking my husband for some closure. His actions speak louder than his words but I need to hear him say that it is over. Finally last night he talked to me. He said that he doesn't want the divorce and thinks about his family. He moved out but said that this will be the last month he will probably rent the apartment and we can work on things. He asked to give him two weeks. He will seek some spiritual leader for advice and within a month he will know if we can be together. However, he did not come out and say that he will stop his affair. He said that it is not all what I think it is. Well, after we discussed this. He got served the papers at his house and is upset. I felt bad but he knew that I was moving forward. I don't know what to do now. Hold on the divorce or still go through with it just in case we don't seem to reconcile. Part of me thinks we can and another part just thinks it is over. He has had alot of affairs but the route of the problem has still not been resolved of why he does this. Before, he was very sorry and repentent and stopped. We have alot of communication issues. His big issues is my anger outburst, our communication, and actually our sex life. His needs are not met. My needs haven't within these 6 years of marriage. Each time I give him a chance and learn to trust him again, he runs off and it starts all over again. He says he can stop if we can have a good relationsip. He is willing to talk and do some activities together but will probably have this women still in the back. I just pray that when he sees the spiritual person in our church that his head will be made clear. Any other advice? Thank you!

Suzanne,

I pretty have a good idea when my XWH started his A. I stayed in the marriage for 18 months, allowing him to run around with MOW. XWH never wanted the divorce, yet he didn't want to end the A either. So as I figured, since he was the one who was morally challenged, and was not of sound mind, I took the initiative to moved on with my life.