My DS14 told me that his dad and the OW are looking for houses with a pool. I asked if he had heard anything about them getting married and he said that they hadn't said anything about that. Why does this bother me so much? I really can't stand the idea of those two being happy together. I really feel like I would be better if he was planning a future with someone other than the vile woman he left me for. Anyone else would be better, IMO.

Any ideas on how to get past this faster and easier. I could have cried when my son told me this, instead, I pretended like it was no big deal.

Loni

Think of their getting a house together and the subsequent irritations of dealing with broken pool filters, haggling over who pays what in the bills for the house, who empties the dishwasher, as unpleasantness seeping into their fantasy world.

I don't have a remedy for the hurt, though.

[color:"blue"] Loni [/color] , Hats off to you for acting "like it is no big deal" when you found out. Your kids don't need to know your true feelings on this subject. [color:"blue"]Bellevue [/color] said it best - they'll find even life "ever after" won't always be happy for them. Especially if they have to make payments and do upkeep for a home with a pool. Concentrate on your own home and make it a stable and inviting place where your kids can feel loved and secure.

Why does it bother you so much? Because she is the homewrecking b!+ch that destroyed your life. That's also why his next bimbo won't bother you as much. I've read a lot on forgiveness on this forum, but my current feeling is that OW is the epitome of all the evil in the world. I'm pretty sure I'll hate her even after they split up.

I saw a leaflet on the table in my WH's house when I was picking up the kids the other day - It appears that he and OW are looking at the same house that I fell in love with when WH and I were thinking of moving around 18 months ago...It hurts big-time! BUT, WH is sooooo bad at housework that he will never sell our old house in the filthy pigsty condition that he's let it get into over the past year lol! Bellevue's words comfort me also, reminding me that OW will soon get fed up with the reality of living with a pack-rat 'Messy' like my WH <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

tabbyCat1,

OW did not destroy your life, she merely changed the course of your life. . . and many times on here with reflection, counseling, work on one self, etc, the betrayed person can live a better life than before.

One point of view that many forget is that the other spouse, the wayward person, may have found a better partner. Of course, the betrayed partner may not accept it, however, in a very small percentage of cases, the new couple does live happily ever after. . .

What people have to do is to learn about themselves from their failed relationships. . . I have learned from mine that many of my XW's characteristics are exactly the same as my parents. What I couldn't decipher was the selfish and narcissistic version versus a caring and well intentioned version as my parents have. . .

i didn't have enough or any social experience to figure out the differences. Now, after alot of self work, really hard work, i can figure out very quickly, if a woman that i meet after 10 minutes, would be a potential mate. . . and in reality there are very few out there for me. . .

i have only found one so far. . . and i meet a few a week. . .

wiftty

I can't stand the idea of the OW and my XH as being the perfect match. I don't think either of them deserve happiness and I can live with the idea of them being miserable. Together or apart.

Here is the cherry for the top of my sundae. I am expected to help my XH and the OW pay for this bigger house. Her house has gone up for sale and the house they are looking at is VERY expensive. My XH can't afford that kind of payment with child support so I am going back to court on the 4th so he can get the kids 26 weeks of the year and not pay support again. I refuse to roll over for this so I am now being dragged through the mud. With this kind of treatment, I can't be expected to want them happy. Can I?

Loni

you can if you work on your independence, and your self worth. . . you are reacting to others, you are not being proactive about yourself. . .

more counseling might be helpful

wiftty

Maybe you can wish them happiness, so long as it isn't at your expense. And I think you're good so long as you're not actively wishing evil upon them. Not wishing them happiness is different from wishing them unhappiness.

thanks. I don't wish bad things upon them, I just am so tired of being beaten up by them and their selfishness. My XH loves to tell the kids things and try to drive a wedge between me and the kids. The OW loves to try and stick things in my face. My MO is to stay away from both of them. If only they would afford me the same courtesy.

I feel like I have come a long way since the beginning of all of this. I have found strength and independance but I resent the constant barrage of selfish, hateful actions that these two have given me. I know that many of you have been through the same, or worse, than I. But, I know that I have your support and encouragement.

Tell the kids to ask their dad for all they want. Yep....they can go shopping on his $$. U keep your child support since no matter what type of abode they get, it won't be good enough.

If it helps, knowing their selfishness will play a major role in the demise of the A (yep, it's still an A)..... will help you stay focused.

Let the courts know that he is willing to risk his children's support to help fuel the OW and the A. That is what took him out of the M and now putting a direct attack on the children. Ask the courts why would they even consider ruling in favor of an affair R?

L.

Well said Orchid!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I completly agree!

Loni: Mrs Field and I will call you sometime this weekend! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Stay strong!

Hi Loni,

How are you doing? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.