I posted in another section my situation and it appears my wife was posting in another forum on another site. From all the feedback on both side, it appears my wife has serious issues and refuses counseling as well.
My dilemma is that she threatens divorce almost daily, has taken the children and relocated 1000 miles from my job and I am living with her brother. Her income is almost non existent and she refuses to work if it may require daycare for any of the children.
I have done the math, and I would be able to pay my bills and avoid bankruptcy by divorcing her. Even if I got the kids, which I believe is in their best interest due to her verbally abusive personality and refusal to teach any decent family or personal values, I would still be able to keep my head above water and give the children a stable environment. My wife has moved approx 14 times in the last 7 years, and while we have been married, she has wanted to move constantly and we have moved at least 4 times. The kids need to be somewhere they can stay without having to worry about where they will go next.
She makes my life miserable on a daily basis even though she is the one who created the situation. She wishes me to be irresponsible and quit my job, move back and then hope to get a decent job there, with no prospects before hand.
I get accused of anything and everything, based on what she thinks, feels, dreams, etc. It is so old now it is numbing anymore.
My dilemma is that there are kids involved. Courts are mom biased, so custody is a problem. Also, if she gets custody, she will be homeless within 6 months or less, and then what happens to them? If I get them, they will have a steady home, food, clothes, fun and loving environment, etc. but no mom. I know it is best in the long run, but how can I get a judge to see that when she will just be all sweet and sane during the proceedings, and I have no way to prove beyond the shadow of a doubt she is unfit? Anyone ever been in a crazy situation like this and gotten the best for the kids and themselves? I have no qualms about fighting for them at all, more than happy to, so please don't sugar coat responses or pull punches. I want flat out truth, even if it means a huge wakeup call. My other post was in the Infidelity (there is none on either part, however she claims to have the option of returning to a husband she already married and divorced twice.) under the General Questions heading. It may prove entertaining reading and give you a better feel for what is happening.
I have recently taken control of the finances, and of course the day started with "I want a divorce" and I am crazy because I don't think the 14 yo daughter should spend $170 on a purse for school without it taking away from the $300 budget we have set for each kids for clothes and supplies. She is fuming that I have taken control of the finances, and definitely won't like it when she gets a budget and has to stick to it. Thank you in advance for any advice or comments.

Good move to take over the finances. Not sure if this will be admissible in court, but you could print out her posts on the other site and show them to your lawyer...

This goes back a long, long way and I am a woman so it's possible mom-bias played a role, but I managed to not only get sole custody of my son from my first marriage, but also no access without my express permission and only under circumstances which I dictate. My ex was about as crazy and unstable as your W sounds. He also moved around a lot, didn't hold jobs, and couldn't provide a stable environment. Now, he was also abusive (to me) but there were no laws here against that at the time and though it was frowned upon, because he hadn't done anything to the child, he was given the same chance as me to plead his case to the judge.

In fact, I would say the judge started out a little biased against me. I went into court with a lawyer (paid for by my parents) while he had legal aid. I had the professionally-typed statement, his was hand written, etc. I had all the appearance of a rich, spoiled brat that was out to make him miserable just for laughs. The first hearing didn't go very well. I could tell the judge didn't like me very much and sympathized with him. But these things are not decided in a single session. In addition to evaluating the 2 of us, the judge requested a 3rd lawyer be chosen by the court to represent my son (there was a word for this but I can't remember). Basically, this person would listen to the procedings and make statements based on whatever he/she thought was in the best interest of the child. A temporary visitation schedule was arranged until the next court date (I was to drop DS at his place for 4 hours on Sundays).

The first 2 weekends went okay and then trouble started. I went to pick DS up from XH's place and he wasn't there. I didn't know where he was. We called his brother and he didn't know. Eventually, about 30 minutes later, he showed up. When we went back to court, he told the judge 4 hours wasn't enough and that he didn't want me to know where he was so that's why he left the location. This rubbed the judge the wrong way, so for the next interim between court dates, the visitation was to take place at the Children's Aid Centre in the next city. He went to exactly 2 of these scheduled visits and then missed the 3rd without so much as a phone call. Children's Aid has even less patience than a judge and said we weren't welcome to use the service any more. So by the next court date, XH was furious because he hadn't seen his son and the judge was furious because XH managed to screw up the situation he had set up just for him. This time, visitation was scrapped altogether.

It was becoming clearer to all that the judge would award custody to me, so XH tried a different tactic - to restrict DS to remain in the town where we lived. Judge compromised and put a travel restriction that DS could not leave the province. But by the last court date when everything was to be finalized, XH didn't even bother to show up. So my lawyer asked that the travel restriction be lifted (which it was) and that I be awarded full custody and no visitation allowed except through permission by me (or some sort of legal wording which basically prevented him from going back to court).

To make a long story short, my case was won not because of anything in particular that I or my lawyers did. Basically, I gave him enough rope and he hung himself with it. If your wife is as unstable and unreliable as you describe, chances are, she will dig her own grave. Custody hearings aren't quick and dirty traffic-ticket-like meetings. They actually do take a fair bit of time and there is plenty of opportunity for an unstable parent to show their true colours. You just need to give them a chance to do it.