About a month and a half ago my wife went out with some of her co-workers. She called me later that night to tell me that she was going to stay the night at her sisters apartment. The next day when we talked she seemed very upset with me, she started getting mad at me and telling me that she has not been happy with me for a long time and that she did not feel like she was in love with me anymore. After a few hard days and nights of fighting with her about what the real problem was, she finally decided to be honest with me and let everything out. She told me that she kissed one of the guys she works with on the night they all went out, and she went out to lunch with him the next day and they kissed again. Ever since then she has still been seeing him off and on. She also told me that she was going to stay with her sister for a while, but has since told me that half of the time she has been staying with him. She swears to me on her mothers grave that she has been honest with me about everything that has happened and that she has not and does not plan to have sex with him, she just enjoys his company and he makes her feel good. I still love her very much and want to find a way to get her to want to come back to me. We talk on the phone alot and she tells me that sometimes she misses me but sometimes she wishes thing could just be over between us. She always talks about how she has mixed feelings, and she is scared to come back to me because she doesn't want to find herself unhappy again a year down the road and feel like she made a mistake by ending things with this other guy and coming home to try to work things out with me. I wish this was not all so confusing, I don't understand why she would not want to try and make our marriage better. I try to convience her that we are going through a really hard time, but if we can get through this then we will probably end up having a much stronger relationship in the future. She says she does not feel like she is in love with me anymore, and she does not know if she can ever get those feelings back. It is like she has built up an emotional wall to try to keep me out of her life. I don't know what to do anymore, like I said, I still love her very much and I would love for her to come back with a positive attitude that things with us can change for the better. I feel like I am at a loss, any suggestions would be appreciated.

peimar,

She will not "feel in love with you" as long as the OM (other man) is in the picture. She must break off all contact with this boy if you are to recover your marriage. Read all on this site, Surviving An Affair, and you may want to post in GQII as there's more traffic there.

Also, you should break up your posts into short paragraphs. You may want to put yours and your wife's ages in signature line, D-day, children gender and ages.

You're in a good place to help your marriage, I'm sorry the circumstances are what brought you here.

Thank you for the advise of submiting messages. I know that she will not "Feel in Love" with me until this other guy is out of the picture. I just don't know how to convience her to stop seeing him. I don't understand how she could betray me like this, and why she seems to think it is okay to cheat on her husband that loves her so much. How could she possibly feel good about that?

This board is full of BSs who've gone thru/are going thru the same stuff.

Read up on Plan A and Plan B. In short, Plan A is where you do everything possible to eliminate LBs (Love Busters) and to try to meet her ENs (Emotional Needs)...without being a doormat. It should last for a specified period of time. You can read more on Plan B on the threads.

ps

You will also be highly advised to expose the affair to their co-workers/employers, families, his spouse, church...etc. Affairs don't have nearly as much appeal once their ugliness is exposed to the light of day.

I didn't expose for various reasons and my H's affair escalated because of it.