I think it's my husband. Name, age, city, state, zodiac all match. Listed himself as "single," and "I don't want kids." (too late buddy).

The acount was created on 1/9/06, smack in the middle of his affair. It was updated 3/23/06, just before they went to FLA.

There are no blogs, not friends, etc.

Okay, I know this was during his A and it's over. But ... he never told me about a myspace account!!

Should I be upset here? I do know he was on adultfriendfinders and yahoo-romance. But like I said, he didn't mention this.

What do I do?

RLT:

It's amazing how this crap resurfaces again and again. Since you have forgiven your H, you probably need to approach this in a non-confrontational way....talk it over and listen. Tell him that you came across this and know it was when he was in the fog, but you want to talk with him about what he was thinking during that time. That is if you really must know. Just be careful. If he hasn't done anything to warrant your pain and to destroy your trust. I found my H's myspace account right before DDay. He was searching for women in the vicinity and had it listed that he was single and didn't want kids (like you, for mine it is way too late). At that time he was definitely in the fog. But he cancelled the myspace page. If I thought he was still doing that, I would be livid. But since he isn't, I don't try to put him on the defensive. I try to get him to talk with me about things honestly. As you know, the first thing they want to do when confronted, is to lie. I am so sorry that you found out about this awful thing when you have obviously come so far. Just remember how far you have come and remember that myspace happened when he was in a faraway land. ;o) Take care and be blessed.
SS

thanks, ss.

I really just wish he would have told me about it. I'm trying to get in the accout, but am not having success.

This just brought my trust radar down from a 4 to a 2, if it is him.

But a weird thing here. He signed up for it on 1/9. I know this was a time that he and OW were on the broken up phase. (they did this a couple times, I guess). So, WTF? Did he figure he would just go and find another OW?

funny ... I am amazingly calm right now. What's up with that?

when I ask him for the id and password, he'll probably say "I forgot," or "I don't remember." You know, something real original. :0)

RLT,
You are seeing it for what it is. The past. It's amazing how our minds work trying to "piece" things together in order to make sense. You could either say, this was in the past and doesn't matter now. Or you could ask him. But the truth is that it doesn't matter to your marriage NOW. You have grown and you are stronger than you were before. And it could very well have been that your H was searching, like mine. He went through a period when he was trying to have his cake and eat it too. He had had two affairs back home (we had just moved out of state--affairs happened when I was here and he was still there). And while he kept one going as an EA too, he was on myspace looking for single women in a 50-mile radius. I seem to recall that he placed a classified on myspace, too. I don't know. We can drive ourselves crazy over every single detail of every single minute of every single day that he may or may not have had an affair. But the simple truth is that we have come this far and why would we want to go back so many steps when that's in the past and he has done NOTHING to make us believe that he is being unfaithful. So, calm talk seems appropriate. Don't you think? Well, I know exactly how you feel (I have those moments that I feel overwhelmed with sadness, but I don't give in to them. I push them aside, and I tell him how much I love him.). Know that you are not alone. This is just another setback. Satan trying to taunt you so you will feel inferior and question the love that you share and the progress you have made. As Max Lucado says, this is your giant.....thoughts that you wake up to in the morning and think about right before you go to bed and things that haunt you all day. Don't let Satan do this. Don't let him put distance between the two of you.

I hope this makes sense and I'm not rambling too much. ;o) Take care and be blessed RLT. You have made it down the longest, bumpiest, rockist part of this journey. You will overcome.
SS

ss--thanks. I'm waiting for him to come home from work, any time now. I really am amazingly calm. You know, in a very bizarre way, I almost am not upset because ... to me it sorta says that he couldn't have been so "in love" with OW if he was just going to go find another one. Does that sound bizarre, or what???? Kinda like, he was willing to cheat on her, too. Perhaps I am reading WAY too much in to this. I dunno. It's late, and my brain hurts.

I have a Max Lucado daily meditations book.

One good thing, this whole nightmare has turned my husband into a bonified, God-believing, and yes, bible thumping Christian. God is Good.

RLT,
Good morning! I trust that things went well with your H last night. You are right. God is SO good. Remember that when your H was in the fog he pretty much figured "what have I got to lose"? It is uplifting to see that you renewed your vows. My H and I have talked about that...perhaps on our 15th (a year and a half). Or maybe on Valentine's Day. They have a huge renewing of vows ceremony on the beach. I would really like to do that. Well, you take care....have an incredibly blessed day....and take comfort in the fact that your H loves you now much more than then. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />) And, BTW, Max Lucado has some GREAT books. In Facing Your Giants, he equates what we go through (in ALL trying situations) to David and Goliath. It's a good read. I highly recommend it.

And one other thing, I TRULY believe that while my husband said "I love you" to OW, that it wasn't truly love (he is in complete agreement on this point) but LUST. True love takes a LONG time to develop and grow. Take care.
SS

Good morning, ss,

Last night I asked him about it ... calmly.

When I first said, "I found something," his reaction was "Now what!" Grumpy like. I told I found a myspace account, and guess what ? HE FORGOT ABOUT IT! Yeah, that's what he says. He doesn't remember anything about it. Amazing.

REally, SS, I tried to remain calm and I think I did pretty good as it didn't turn into a big blow out. It did, however, turn into someone of an extended conversation because, well it just opens that ugly can of worms all over again. I'd asked him which other websites he was on. AFF, he mentioned, and that he and OW went to meet people he met on AFF at a party in FL. Is that crazy, or what? I mean, here you are, some sleeze OW running around the country with a MM, then off to a party to meet a bunch more sleezes from the SLEAZIEST website of them ALL!! I guess poor little damsel in distress, OW, got p.o'd at my husband for leaving her alone too long at the bar whilst he was dragged off by other women from AFF.

Anyone else completely scratching their head???

Okay, calm. I need to forget about it.

RLT, I just wanted to put my .02 in here about your FWH and his MySpace account. I think you should believe him, that he forgot, especially since there are no friends, blogs, etc. In other words, it sounds like it wasn't a very active account. I know that I have "signed up" for lots of stuff on the Internet over the years and have forgotten about it. I even have a MySpace page that I've never used. I just got it to be able to look at pages my kids have set up.

I think you should just let this one go.

princessmeggy,

The fact that he "forgot" he set it up does not change the fact that he did open it. And when I look at the date it was open, I remember very clearly some stuff that was going on between us. And, he registered himself as single, not wanting kids, and living in Alabama (we don't live anywhere near Alabama). And, he used his secret email yahoo account on it.

But in the end, you areright. I am going to forget the whole thing here, in a minute or two. The whole thing just reeks of sleeze, and I'm so sad that he resorted to this type of stuff.

rlt,

Just to put your mind at ease a bit, when you open a myspace acct. initially and you don't go back to change anything it sets it up with all default answers to those questions, like are you married, do you want kids, etc.

It doesn't necessarily mean those are the answers he put.

RLT,

Also consider that if the state is picked from a drop-down list the first thing (default) on that list is Alabama.

Doesn't sound like a serious MySpace account to me.

JMO

Mark

Thanks, IAD. He did use his secret yahoo email for the account.

If it sets default answers, I wonder why it doesn't do it for all of the fields? A lot of questions weren't answered and didn't get filled in, just as orientation, education background, stuff like that.

I don't doubt that the answers on there were the ones he gave. At the time he also had an adultfriendfinders account, and a yahoochat in the romance section account. Myspace, i'm sure, was just more of the same.