Well, my WW has decided she wants to go for dissolution of our marriage, says we are incompatible, too much has happened to reconcile. I am having a hard time accepting this, I hate the idea of breaking us up and tearing the family apart. However, she seems quite adamant that's what we should do, so I guess that's the direction we are going.

She wants this to be amicable, hence the dissolution. We have orally agreed on joint custody, a 7 day on, 7 day off rotation. For that I am grateful, I know the courts are still biased toward the mother. She is suggesting that both of us go to one attorney where we will work out all the issues between us and avoid having to go through the courts with a divorce proceeding. She feels this would be best for the kids, and I certainly sympathize with that. Should I get my own attorney anyway to make sure it's fair to me?

Here in Ohio we have to split all assets evenly, including the retirement assets. This bugs me as I have more than she does (although she has a individual account that has inheritance money in it that more than makes up the difference). Is is possible to negotiate a settlement between us that we both agree to but goes against the law that says marital assets have to be split evenly? A judge will have to review our agreement before the dissolution is granted.

Also, one of us wants to keep the house so the kids have some stability. My dilemma is that I would hate to let her have the house, as I am afraid OM will move in someday and live the lifestyle I had (I know I should let that bother me, but it does). However, the equity I have in the house would about equal what I would owe her to make us even, so financially it might make more sense for her to have it.

I have evidence of her infidelity in the form of emails. Does this give me any leverage over her that would be worth me pursuing a fault divorce over dissolution? I'm guessing this is a risk, as it could backfire on me and the settlement a judge would give me would be less than what I could negotiate through dissolution. I know infidelity doesn't normally become a factor in custody situations.

Thank you for reading and for your comments.

RILww

First of all, your WW is spouting typical fogspeak. The whole "amicable divorce" "we are incompatible" and "too much has happened" nonsense.

If you live in a no-fault state, then it doesn't matter why you are getting a divorce. Divorce/dissolution-it's just semantics. They mean the same thing: the M is over. In my state, it is called a dissolution, never "divorce" but the result it the same.

What your WW is talking about is mediation. No attorney will represent both sides of a D (whichever word you choose) because it is a conflict of interest. If mediation is the path you want to choose-then find an attorney who specializes in those. In mediation, the lawyer makes sure the paperwork is all fine and dandy. You agree to whatever terms are legally acceptable in your state.

Also, community property isn't necessarily 50/50. The courts look at all kinds of factors, such as length of the M, who spent the most time with the kids etc. so there is room for negotiation. My XH was unwilling to do anything to repair our M and since he had renewed his EA into a PA (which I found out about after the D), he gave me the house for way less than half of the equity. I just had to pay off his car loan. Also, he didn't go after my state retirement (I'm a teacher) but agreed to half of our annuity-which we started together so I had already planned on that. I agreed to less CS. He actually said "I know this sounds stupid considering what I'm doing (pursuing D while I was in cancer treatment and not doing a thing to fix our M), but I just want to be fair to you." I think his guilt got the better of him.

I would get a lawyer to make sure you and your kids are protected. Plus, having your own legal counsel will help you make decisions that benefit you. You might be able to change the terms of the settlement if you can get things done while she is feeling "guilty."

Good Luck-