have tape of them holding hands, showed it to h and still denies..wtf of course got mad ..."how could u waste money on p.i. blah blah . why do they not get it ?

Post deleted by 22devastated

U R so right .. they think cause they're 5 states away it's safe . he knows if he admits it , my suspicions have been right all along . back in Jan. he was there and last phone call on his cell was at 2am ,so i started keeping up with #s from that area code.
doesn't seem to care about fixing anythin , just in survival mode.. it's only been since last night that i showed him the tape . dreading the day .
what did your h do and say after u confronted ?

hi khb5, i replied on your other thread about why they deny.

didnt realize you had another. i know your mind is scrambled right now, but you might get more responses if you keep one thread per subject. its confusing to respond to one and see another with the same topic/question.

Post deleted by 22devastated

sorry , my mind is just racing ...will keep posts on 1 board

glad u have a happy ending . his other a was 5 yrs. ago and also renewed vows .just got back from great vavation with our best friends and really felt we were in such a good place. u know how sometimes u 2 are just not in sync and then everything gels really well . i've been feeling great about our future and he's been wonderful , so really blindsided with this.
Again ,so glad your recovery is working -it's hard work isn't it ?

khb5, I thought you looked familiar! How many affairs does this make in the past 5 years since you have been here? When you got here he was living with an OW and it seems like there was another affair in there somewhere. How many affairs has he had?

Goo memory ML .. that was the worst 10 mo. of my life but i lived to tell about it !! LOL And yes i'd had suspicions but nothing but my gut ...which by the way is pretty good .
The sad part is he has ED(because of diabetes) .wonder sometimes if he's depressed because his "manlyhood" is down the tubes and feel need to confirm he's still desireable . all that started about the same time as a 5 yrs. ago. not giving him an excuse by any means but could explain why he's soooo f**ked up in the head .
it's crzy that he is so awesome at home and when we're together we have so much fun ,laughing ,talking and then BAM .
r u thinking he's a serial cheater and should i run as fast as i can . wish my life wasn't so good( excluding this of course) ,it will be tough to start over . haven't really cried yet, what's up with that ?

Good memory is what i meant to write LOL

I gotcha! So does this mean you are willing to accept the status quo? Because honestly, khb, if you stay with a serial cheater you become a volunteer and forfeit all right to complain about it. For example, if you CHOOSE to stay in the barn, you shouldn't complain because it smells like a....barn. See what I mean?

So, if you just accepted the consequences of your choice, you wouldn't have to pay a PI money to tell you what you already know! You could use that money to get a few good facials. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I have a funny "denial" story. I caught my exH on video tape. When I showed him the undeniable evidence--the next day--he told me (and I quote here): "How did you do that?" I said, "Do what?" He said: "Doctor that video tape."

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Can you believe that? It had been less than 24 hours, and I knew how to use MSWord and Excel, but I was FAR from computer savvy--and rather than admit what was plainly in front of his own eyes...he accused me of doctoring the tape!

THE MORAL OF THIS STORY: They will "deny" until the cows come home. You need to decide if you are willing to live with someone who will treat you nice to your face and treat you like you're worthless when they're with OP. Frankly...for me...I would rather have a spouse who loves me to my face AND behind my back, or have no spouse.



--CJ

I know u r all right ..but head still reeling .how to tell the kids ,sell the house ,etc... it so overwhelming at the momemt. the thought of doing this to my kids again is a pain worse than what i'm feeling . never imagined this EVER
he's acting mad at me now -go figure . if friends weren't coming over today i'd probably hop a plane to my daughters ..running is always good, right ? LOL
Who do i talk to first kids or friends -oh the friends are gonna die ..my h and son are going with my best fr. h and son fishing this wk. what a tangled web we have here
Thanks so much for responding , now the tears are coming ...guess that's good

khb5:

How long do they deny?

As long as you let them.

You don't HAVE TO PROVE TO THEM WHAT THEY ALREADY KNOW THEY HAVE DONE.

Listen to MEL.

Pretty smelly barn there. And the goats are the worst. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

LG

I was wondering that myself. The settlement papers are drawn up, waiting to be reviewed and signed on our D, and STBXH is down at the OW's house every weekend, visiting with her H and kids. Weirdest thing you ever saw.