I realize that i didnt state clearly what i needed advise on so here goes....in plan B how do you manage to keep convos short without looking hostile? or is that part of adjusting into plan B? secondly...i had my Lawyers getting my ducks in a row(actually family lawyer) and i know i will be OK.....it is just that i cant believe that it would have reached this point.....i cant even look into WW face without feeling disgust....i couldnt believe that i was subjecting myself to this for 14 months.
Our intermediatory (SIL) is OK with DS coming over to her house and i pick him up....the problem is...WW doesnt talk to SIL either.
oh yes....my ol Plan B letter:
WW,....this is the most difficult letter for me to write,..... one I have been mentally working on for 2 weeks now. I have written this letter with the true love only a husband can have for a wife. Please read every word I have written, it is from the heart.
I would like to ..acknowledge and apologize........... for my part in the stress of our marriage. I neglected your needs, and failed to give you what you really desired. I'm sure this probably helped create a void in our marriage that allowed your affair to happen. I have said this before, and I want to say it again: I want to do whatever I can to put our marriage back together in a mutually satisfying way. I feel I have been learning ways to be the type of man I hope you would be proud to call your husband one day, as I have so many times felt much pride in calling you my wife...... I so want to put the past behind us, and build a better life together for us and the family.
The past 14 months have been .......difficult for me, the most emotionally traumatic in my life. In Janurary, we seemed to start recovery,............. only to slip and fail again. I am still feeling the hurt and pain when I don't know where you are or who you are with. We have somehow misplaced our foundation of trust and respect in God and each other.
In the past I bearly.....endured hurt and pain and although you didnt know...panic attacks and heart seizures, I now see it only drains my love for you. Until you can truthfully and honestly work with me on rebuilding a new marriage, I will be having no communication with you, except regarding John-Luke, and I will avoid seeing you. This is not to punish you, it is to protect my feelings for you and our chances at reconciliation. If we continue as we are now, there would be nothing left.
Any regards to schooling or any emergency....please send an email......or might i suggest telling angella or doreen and they will pass it on. In terms of weekend priviliges with JL this could be done also via. Doreen or Angella. if not i could wait at my office on a friday evening and you can drop him off here. Then i will charter a cab home. the same for picking him up.....if you have any suggestions....please email me,title it re: John-Luke. Met with is teachers at Mona yesterday.
I ask that you please respect my decision to separate in this way.
Although this is not in your mandate.........I want us to work together one day, and create a new marriage together. I want you to know that no matter how bad the past was, no matter how ugly, we can get past it. It is fixable. With God's help, our true healing can begin. Look inside yourself and find the strength we will need to do this.
As soon as you are willing to permanently separate from him, demonstrate it in a credible way, and are willing to follow measures to ensure total and permanent separation, I will be willing to discuss our future together. Let's not make the mistake we made in the past, thinking that by ending the external relationship things would work themselves out.
The scars at the attempt to reconcile left with us are probably one of the major reasons why we are where we are today. We must commit to God,a new marriage and to each other as our number one priority in every way. And we must both agree to marriage recovery that lets us avoid being the cause of each other's unhappiness; helps us meet each other's emotional needs; shows us how to give each other our undivided attention; and is Honest - where we are totally open and honest with each other. Only our willingness to talk openly and use counseling can help us do this.
I think you need to take this time to face your demons,......... as I have faced mine, and figure out what you want. I can't control what you do, nor will I try to change you. I can't do that and I accept that. I'm sorry if I hurt you because of it. I realize I have to take care of me and JL now...... I can only control me and change myself. Only you can control and change you, if you choose to. I am fixable, you are fixable, this is fixable.
I understand how difficult this is for you as well.
I love you Joan. You will always be very special to me. You are the only person I have allowed myself to love so deeply. I loved you more than life itself while we were together, and I continue to do so as I write this.I had and still have "no one besides you" and I look back through our life and I choose now to only remember the good times and learn from the bad.The "ackward times" and my "first".
You are sooo beautiful to me.
I forgive whatever pain you have caused and hope that in time you will forgive me too. I just cannot be with you or see you while you are still in love with another and feel the need to have a separate life without me.
It hurts too much.
When you find yourself ready and willing to truly and fully commit to our family, willing to work on a plan for our recovery, and go to counseling, I will be ready and willing to discuss our future.
I will continue to be the best father I can be and do whatever is necessary to insure our son's happiness and make his life as fulfilling as possible. I miss him everyday..... I still continue to pray for you both everyday.
If, down the road, you have a change of heart and decide you want to give us a chance, I am open to discussing it with you and working out a plan to restore our marriage and make it what we only dreamed it could be,............. but I will need to know you are committed to our marriage and assurance that OM is no longer a part of your life. I still love you, Like no other.... and as I said before, I believe in us and I am willing to do whatever ever is necessary, but until that time, please respect my wishes.
Do NOT respond to this email.
God bless you, Always...............
Your Loving Husband...still hoping...still praying.
I thought it was clear...So why does she keeps contacting me?
