You will resist killing her.

No matter what, you've done nothing wrong, so you have every right to be by your husband's side. Just say it in your head. That's how I get through d/o and p/u.

- Kimmy

Thanks Kimmy. I know I won't kill her. What will make me the sickest is watching his family (MY IL'S) fawn all over her and listen to my FIL call her baby. It makes me so sick. Last night my H came home absolutely furious. He was helping his mom put the dining room back together after the remodel. She has family pictures up on the wall. She had put a picture of xOW and OC over the picture of my family. My H told her under no uncertain terms was the picture of the OW to go back on that wall. He told her that OW was not part of the family and he was tired of them trying to make her a part of it when they aren't together anymore.

I guess she got really mad, but my H put our family picture back up and tore up the OW's picture. He told her that we were remarried and that he had every intention of making it work and that they were just going to have to get over it.

So much for her wanting to make a new start with me, huh. I am just so suprised that she wasn't serious about it (sarcasm). Oh, well. I am past the point of wanting their approval. Their preference for OW still hurts though. I am just glad that my H is standing up for me for a change. It's nice to have him back.

We are still planning on moving next summer. I think getting away from his family would be a good thing. I don't let them have much to do with my kids anyway. It would be nice to be back around my family. They would be a good influence on my H. My cousin was a very big drug addict. He got in all kinds of legal trouble. He is now living back around the rest of the family. He got cleaned up, married, and found a wonderful church that he is very involved in. If any of you know who the christian artist Jeremy Camp is, my cousin goes to his father's church. I have been a few times and it is amazing. Incredible outreach. Anyway, I think it would be good for my H to be around my cousin who has made the changes and is farther along in the process than my H. At least my cousin would fully understand what my H is going thru.

Yes, I do. That's why I asked if he was on pain medication as it can alter one's personality. I think often we attribute everything to the A when in reality there are other things going on.

I am clapping for your H right now! Good on him for standing up for you to MIL.

lol..thanks faithy!

I am quite proud of him myself. He just called me to let me know that our picture is still up there. We were taking bets last night as to whether she took it down or not. All he has left to do is repaint the bathroom and then he is done with the work over there. I can't wait. He comes home angry every night. I think his family has alot to do with his change in attitude also. I don't really think it has anything to do with our relationship. They always upset him. It was when he was trying to fit in with them that we fell apart. I just want to get away from them. Hopefully soon!

I am so furious. Friday xOW calls the house wanting to talk to my H. I told her that he wasn't here. So naturally she calls his moms (cause where else would he be?) and gets ahold of him there. She asked him if he left her a message and he said no and hung up on her. He called me right after and told me about the phine call. A little while later she shows up at his moms house! He said he picked up the OC and carried her back out to xOW's car. He said the whole time that she was begging him not to take her baby away. (We go to court for custody in a few weeks.)

My H told her that she wasn't welcome there and that if she wanted to come over she had better make sure that he wasn't there first. He again told her that he was not going to see her without me being there. He said that she gave him the "whatever I don't believe you" look. She then told him that I had better not be a b1tch tomorrow at the visitation cause she would not put up with it. ummmmm..me not be a b1tch? Who slept with who's H? He told her that if anything got started it would be because of her and not me. He told her all she needed to do was sit there and shut up.

He then came home and told me about it. I am furious of course, that she tried to see him like that. I am happy about the way he handled it. I was mad at first that he didn't just leave as soon as she got there, but he said that he would not allow her to run him out of his parents home. If one of them was leaving, it would be her. Which makes sense I guess.

Was this handled properly? I could use some suggestions on how to deal with this if it happens again in the future. She has been told repeatedly that she is not allowed to have contact with his family. Obviously she thought he was joking. How can we drive this point home that she simply isn't going to be tolerated outside of picking up and dropping off OC?

Well the visitation with OC yesterday did not go real well. OC cried the whole time cause she didn't know anyone anymore. This of course pissed my H off. Then the xOW got all crappy when we brought out the cake and presents for OC. It was supposed to be her 1st bday party (almost a month late). The xOW got mad and left with OC before we could even cut the cake. So pathetic. Then of course my FIL blamed my H for her leaving and then blamed me because I am the reason they don't get to see OC anymore. Forget the fact that my H and I have 3 of their grandchildren. Guess one is more important than 3. On a good note when xOW went out to smoke a cigarette, we got the DNA sample for the DNA test which I will mail out today.

I am hurt by something I found in my H's brief case this morning and I am not sure how to handle it. I found 3 poems from his xGF Morgan who is now married to his BF Dustin. When my H got out of jail he moved in with them for awhile till he moved in with his cousin. He left because Morgan kept trying to get back together with him. He told me that nothing happened between them and he is very hurt that Dustin would think him capable of that. Umm maybe because he cheated on his wife? Anyway, these poems are all about how she loves him and everything. Well, I didn't think much of it till I read the third one.

That one was talking about how safe she felt in his arms and how she loved when he made love to her. This all happened before we got together again and while we were divorced. But I am still hurt that he could have possbily lied to me. Now, knowing Morgan she could have simply been talking about when they dated before (in high school). I know he was sexually active with her then. But my confusion is if nothing happened then why did he keep the poems?

Do I think he could have slept with her behind Dustins back? Absolutely. What I don't know is if I should confront him about them since he was with OW at the time and therefore would have been cheating on her and not me. OR do I address the fact that he told me nothing happened.

Of course nothing could have happened. But then why keep the poems? I need some guidence on this one. I will keep the poems to myself till I see what you guys think I should do.

Second thing....I was going thru my husbands email (as I do regularly to see what is in there) and I found the name Alice Seavor in his contacts. A few weeks ago I could not get into my H email, but he said that he had not changed the password, so together we set down and put in a new one together. I know that this name was not in there before that as I check it regularly. I checked to see when it was added and it said 8/14/07. I had not checked his contacts in awhile and only did so yesterday because I needed my SIL's email address. He said he didn't know who it was, but only he can add names to his contact list.

I sent this person a general email that said How's it goin? to see if they respond and how they respond. He often saves contacts for guitars and private sellers for music equipment and various things. I am confused because it would not be like him to leave something so obvious there for me to find when he knows I check it often. I am betting it is harmless only because of his ability to very successfully hide things from me. My H can be very secretive and manipulative when he wants to be. And very simply if he doesn't want me to find something, I won't be able to. It is very unlikely that he would make such a mistake. We will see when they answer.

I'm sorry to say that contact hurts most of the time... Only rarely does everyone involved "parent up" and do what's right.

(((GC)))

Well, we got the paternity test back today. It was positive of course. I knew it would be, but for some reason I feel like I just got ran over with a MAC truck. I can't breathe. I feel sick all over again. I should have never let myself hope. Apparently she wasn't a big enough wh!re. Just my luck.

Well, so our court date is next Friday on the 10th. Guess we will see what happens then.

((((GC))))

So sorry:(

Good luck in court

FTS

Thanks...trying to keep my head up

((((GC))))

I was just reading your post about the OC's birthday and FIL blaming you for not seeing his grandchild. The look on my face must've been strange because my dh asked me what's wrong.

I explained what the OW has pulled on your h ( going to his parents' house, her birthday party behavior, and your FIL blaming you).

My husband blurted out, "Her husband should tell his father, 'You may blame my wife for not seeing the OC, but if you do it again you'll be blaming me for not seeing the three grandchildren you have from us. Quit blaming my wife for my bad'."

Maybe I'm out of line for writing that to you, but I have to say that insight from my husband pleasantly surprised me. He and I allowed our families bad boundaries to negatively impact our M and it was a major factor in his A.

That said, I think my dh did make a point relevant to your situation. Not only does your H need to have a unified front with you against OW in his individual dealings with her. But he definitely needs to set some strict boundaries with his parents in place regarding their interaction with OW, as well as you.

It seems like the OW is using the dynamic between H and his family to manipulate your H and your immediate family.

Have you considered the LB's and EN's that you have from the OC situation? H is going to have to do extra work in these depts because the OC changes the M's recovery dynamic. I understand that he can't make his parents change their behavior, but he can remove them from his life if need be.
JMO

As far as the letters, have you asked him why he has them? Stay calm when you ask him and let him answer without fighting.

He shouldn't keep anything like that from another woman. He's married to you.

Peace,

Jewel

RMJ - Thanks for sharing your H's imput with me. He is right on the money. Since that post, my FIL has been better about his comments. The day of the party my H got into a huge fight with his dad later in the day. He did not tell me what was said only that he had taken care of the situation.

Whatever he said worked. They have been behaving themselves recently. We even managed to have a pleasant dinner with them last night.

My H family also put alot of stress on our marriage and they STRONGLY supported his A. The xOW is definately trying to use the situation, but I am a little more confident now that this will be harder to do in the future.

He does have a unified front with me against the xOW. He does not speak to her without my knowledge and doesn't meet her without me being there. We excersize the POJA in all aspects of the dealing with OC. It's the one area that we hardly ever disagree on..oddly enough.

We go to court on Friday (the 5th not the 10th) and hopefully that will tie up all the loose ends.

I did ask him about the letters a few days later. He told me that they were poems from her but that he had left them on the dresser at their house. Morgan must have put them in the brief case when he was moving out. He said he left them there for is BF to find. He also said that he had not touched her since high school and she was just being a pain by writing them. I believe him because that sounds exactly like Morgan. Not only that, but my H hates whinny women and she is VERY whinny. Since she became involved with his BF, he has avoided her like the plague.

Thanks for your imput and good luck to you also.

Just heard from my lawyer and we found out the the stupid judge only allotted an hour for our case on friday! Who only allows an hour for a custody hearing? I am so mad. This means we will have to go back if we don't finish in an hour. This is so stupid. I am so tired of this. I just want this settled. So frustrated.

breath, now do it again


((GC))

FTS

Good luck in court Friday. I hope all is well.

FTS - thanks. I will try to do my best to remember that.

UNSure - thanks. we can use all the good wishes we can get.

Update...we found a witness to the fact that she did cocaine on new years eve in 05. She lied and said she didn't. She was pregnant with the OC at the time. This is a good development. Now if we can just convince him to testify to it. Please pray that we can.

Good luck!!

FTS

Ok, I am trying to breathe. Our lawyer called and our case got continued until...guess when....December 11th. Yup December 11th! GRRRRRR. This is neverending. The judge rescheduled because there wouldn't be enough time to hear the case (well duh). So frustrating.

On an up side. We found out today that xOW just got 2 criminal cases filed against her. Lawyer is trying to find out what those are.

I am so tired.

(((GC))) Have faith that it will all turn out alright. In the meantime, use this time to continue healing your M.