Amen to what PepperBand posted:
"make your plans (whatever they might be) without letting WH know
WH does NOT live with you
he forfeited the right to be "in the know" "
Since it's advised to wait 2 years before getting involved with somebody new after the break-up, and elsewhere I read you should wait 1 year for every 5 years of marriage, either way that computes to a couple of years for you to think about what sort of marriage you want in the future, and to what kind of man.
I am sometimes almost thankful that my WXH is out of my life now. Because I have developed a pretty clear picture of what I am looking for in marriage and a mate now. Like you I am finding it harder to picture my WXH ever morphing into what I really want in a husband... It would literally take a miracle...
Of course, do NOT let your WH know anything about your plans. It's really none of his business when and whether you will be starting a new life, possibly with a new man...
The last thing you want to do is to give him any indication how long you would be willing to wait for him!
Yes, I would agree with you that it's no longer my WH's business what I am doing.
One of the last encounters we had, however, showed me that he doesn't feel this way at all (surprise, surprise). He wanted to make an early departure for home one evening and my DS began crying as usual.
The guilt over took my WH and he came back in the house saying "thanks" in his most sarcastic tone because I couldn't prevent my DS from crying.
I told him I was tired of him blaming other people for HIS poor choices. He then proceeded to tell me to "shut up" and how he just "can't be with me".
When I asked him to leave, he refused saying he paid the rent and that since there was no legal agreement, he did not have to.
I began crying at that point and expressing my wonder that he could choose to cheat on me and abandon me, yet I had no power to make him leave when he was being hurtful. He then apologized a few minutes later saying my DS's tears made him upset so that was supposed to excuse his rudeness.
This is entirely typical of his attitude, however, of blaming other people for his angry outbursts. It also made me question exactly why I would want him to return anyway.
All this along with his recent revelations about his SF with the OW and his repeated declarations of "love" for her, caused me to see the need to end my own misery and put some strict legal boundaries in place and end the marriage.
I really do have a great deal of difficulty not believing his fog babble about his feelings for the OW. He tells me he feels very loved by her and she likes him as a person.
I don't even feel like responding anymore because it seems pointless. Furthermore, it's unfortunate, but our history together prevents me from saying the same. He has not been the prince charming with me that he's been with her these past 8 months.
I am also more than a little sad that he doesn't seem more upset about losing his family, but I suppose in the end he feels that he would be happier in his new life.
He even had the guts to ask me if we could remarry later...I told him I didn't think so since the more time that passes, the less feelings I have for him.
This whole situation seems just so stupid and causes nothing but needless pain. Life has enough problems of its own without adding the extreme hurt of adultery to the mix.
I also feel sort of like a failure for not being able to hold my marriage together.
This really is a difficult trial.
