I posted this over in Creative Affection as well, since it applies to both.

A long time ago I wrote a short story where I describe something called a Compass Massage. I have peeled off 6 pages of that short story in a small excerpt to share here. It is many pages long, so I'm going to include a link to it at my site. There are intimate details in this story, so I do not wish to offend anyone, but if you are interested, you are welcome to go look. Compass Massage Link.

I hope it is something you find useful as a way of expressing affection. I could have simply listed the steps here in this forum, but I thought the story might have more of an impact.

This is purely on a sexual note about us. As I was asking the "why" sex question for the millionth time last night and how he could touch someone else-I told him this.

My husband is 62 and has a great physique for his age and I always admired that years ago and enjoy looking at his body. He is walking around the room in his underwear and I am looking at him and thinking how I love that body as much now at 62 as at 40 and then "bingo" in pops my thought that the OW got to look at that body, too.

So later in conversation about his sex with OW I try to explain what happened earlier(observing him naked) and that no other woman should have got that same pleasure of looking at him with no clothes as I did.

Well to the point, I am 58, could lose 15 lbs but have a good figure, full breasts, full butt but shapely-not trying to give TMI here but before going to bed I was standing by bed w/o clothes (he was in bed) and I just blurted out "do you like looking at my body" (usually I would not ask this as to modest or self-conscious with the sagging and such) and that I had just had this conscious awareness of looking at his. H said "well, I don't dislike looking at it". I just reeled from the blow and went ballistic, here I am trying to recover from you touching another woman, I admire your body and tell you how much and that is what you tell me. I went to bed crying and he tries to backpaddle out of it but the damage is done.

You are an extremely sensual,sensitive guy by your writing, read the compass massage, how can one guy be so insensitive and granted he does not have your verbal or writing skills- I don't expect that but jeez, wouldn't yes, I love it suffice. What a way to start my day!

Thanks for the compliments. I guess "extremely sensual, sensitive" can still be wayward. Maybe moreso because my expectations are often unreasonable. I don't know what you look like, but you gave a good description - you do deserve a "yes, I love it" from your husband. Maybe he was being playful in his answer - I mean, maybe he didn't mean anything bad by it, but was trying to give a cute answer (not that I'm giving him excuses).

I asked my wife once, before the A, when I was in my dark time and we had a gulf between us - I asked her if she loved me romantically. She said "I love you in a more deep, abiding way." Although that is good, she didn't answer my question. To me, what I heard was "no, not romantically, but this way." Maybe your husbands answer was similar. Maybe he didn't mean anything by it. When I told MC about my question to my wife and her answer, he said that perhaps my wife meant it as giving a better answer than simply saying "Yes".

Just a thought.

Thanks, well you probably put more thought into what you say.

Of course, I know my H feels like is he walking on eggshells anyway. I realize I caught him off guard as I usually am not that bold and tend to be very modest. Funny thing at 58, when all is sagging you start to accept the body more than when it was younger.

I got over it but I did my usual overkill. Today we go to MC for the "rest of the story" that he will have written to read to MC and me. The part about why did H stay in it if he knew it was not for him. Maybe when I get that answered I can move on. I finally understand (as well as I can) the why it began, just need the why to continue or as he said "in over his head".

So will post his next letter and hopefully I can accept like I did first one and get out of this place and truly on to recovery. Lindy