My WS left me for his best friend's wife--they are together now--living in a hotel. Since then I have found out that my husband has had several one night stands when out of town, been to a 'spa', had an affair with another woman about 2 years ago that lasted for months, was part of a gang bang(several men having sex with the same woman, one right after the other), and had got oral sex from the nastiest woman in our town. I also found out that he has had spells of cocaine addiction and gambling and has lost alot of money gambling.

My question is---can you EVER forgive all this? He obviously has an addictive personality and goes from one addiction to the next. I still love him---I have not confronted him about all the other sex---partly because it would be too painful for me to tell him that I know. I'm working on getting proof of some of it, but how could I still love such a monster? I've now come to realize that he is an alcoholic. He is still with the BF's wife and still isn't being honest with me about what his plans are with her. He is making a half effort to see the kids and I'm still doing plan A---partly because I know its going to get really bad if I 'turn' on him completely.

is this the kind of man you want around your children? if you cannot think of yourself think of them. get all the proof you can, get an attorney, secure finances, and get full custody of those kids.

in my experience, serial cheating does not stop. you have other addictions added on to that. he would need years of intensive therapy, i would think inpatient and outpatient, and he has to WANT TO GET BETTER.

tough love. if you love him you will let him go. think of your kids.

mlhb