When my wife and I got married, we had some troubles. After about 5 months she started talking to another guy, then yet another. The second guy, I found out she was spending nights at his house. She claims nothing physical happened but I am not convinced. We separated to create space between us and we fought constantly, very bad fights. She was claiming she wanted to start fresh but the actions were not there. so, I ended up meeting someone and did things I probably should not have done. She found out about this girl and now before she will work on anything, she wants the girls phone number.. I refuse to give it to her... Am I wrong? Also, I agreed to stop contact and change my cell phone number, and give her access to anything she wants to satisfy her. But she just wants the number or a divorce. Should I give it to her?

What are you worried about?

What State are u in??

Is it a no fault state??

MB me says ... tell her the woman's name and number. Demonstrate honesty and hope she is serious.

I doubt she is.

Lawyer me says...shut up. Until her actions back up any stated desire to maybe try to work things out (i.e. - why don't you move back in and we'll try to work this out) I'm betting she wants the name and number of the OW so she can petition for divorce for cause. Depending on the state, she won't have to withstand the 6 month or 1 year separation requirement to the granting of a divorce if she can prove adultery on your part. Right now...she has rumor and innuendo but she wants the proof before she absolutely files. Plus..she gets to file and make this all YOUR fault. She can/will just deny her own infidelity which she likely believes you can't prove.

I don't know what to tell you to do. What a mess. YOU too, are an adulterer and nothing she did MADE you dishonor yourself, her and the other woman. It's yours to own and being honest about it...despite the consequences is likley the best alternative. If she files...she files. The fact she cheated first is of no bearing. You must be repentent for YOUR behavior and ask for her forgiveness. Whether she repents is not important either. YOU messed up (BIG TIME)...YOU broke your vows to her, yourself and God...repent, apologize and accept it. Maybe...by doing so...you will get an apology from her immediately or down the road for her behavior. Demonstate humility.

Mr. Wondering

Well the important part here is to find out why she wants the #. Remember an A is based on a selfish virus.

You need to know her motives before you release that #.

Suggest you both go to MC, read SAA and counsel with Jennifer C @ MB. Jennifer does phone counseling.

Both of you read His Needs/Her Needs.

U need to learn to communicate. There were other problems before both As.

L.

I suggested her moving back and going to marriage counseling, both of us changing our cell phone numbers, ensuring that there are no secrets and nothing to create any distrust, but before she will even consider this she wants this phone number... she never offered any information about her activities to me ever. I found all the information out on my own investigation. I am not sure why she wants the number. this other girl is not the problem.. we have other issues. and I am more concerned about my marriage than anything.

By not giving her the number she probably feels like you are "protecting" this person. This person is the OW. Is OW married? Did you ever ASK your wife for the details when she was having her affair(s)? Were your wife's OP married?

Just like you have the right to know, so does she.

You guys definitely need to get some counseling.

Michael,

How long have you been in this train wreck?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I'm sorry, I mean how long have you been in this marriage?

5 months after the marriage and she is spending nights with another?? So you separate, fight constantly and then you find another chick??

Instead of divorce you should have the M annulled, like Kenny Chesney and Renee did.

How long had you known each other before getting married?

How old are you both??

From your description of both of your actions it sounds like you are both still in your teens.

Like Orchid says, there were problems before the A...and I think before the M!! Immaturity being one of them.

Sorry if I am being kind of flippent, but life is way too short, if you catch my drift.

IMHO

kirk

bumping to get my questions answered.

Michael you still out there?