I decided to start a new thread.

This one on the healing of me and my kids. Our road to recovery.

This is day 4 and I'm still feeling really good. I know I have made the right decision for my children. We are stepping out of the path of destruction that thier father is continueing to head towards.

I realize it still won't be easy... the beautiful moments in life are worth hard work. I'm not spinning my wheels anymore and I have a plan. "Still's healing plan" Wasn't the plan that I had intended... did really want to make my marriage better with WH. That's not God's plan at this moment, don't know if it will ever be. I'm okay with that.

Today is a beautiful day.

Still

OH, GOOD FOR YOU STILL!!!!

God's got some great things in store for you and your kids! just watch and see!

I want to do the happy dance for you! HURRAY!

I'm looking forward to reading your thread!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Rin,

Thanks.

I am doing a happy dance also. I never realized how good this would feel. So great to be out of my victim mode. I was a victim of WH but I no longer want to be there it just hurt to much.

He has his own issues that he will need to deal with if he ever gets to that point. I'm dealing with mine.

Still

Still,

I am so glad to see you taking this step! That you have chosen to step out of 'victim' mode is MAH-VE-LOUS as Eph would say!

Keep on dancin'!

Thanks Bugs,

I do feel mah-va-lous. The rollecoaster ride for me is slowing down. There will be some bumps in the road but it won;t be anything like the last year for me.

Everything is looking up.... thanks to the grace of God and my friends here on MB.

Still

Today is day 5 and still going strong.

Today watched my kids go with thier dad for a couple of days of fun. Water and amusement park I hope they have fun. It didn't bother me like it has in the past. he was late as usual and he did raise his voice a couple of times that he was here. It reminded me of what my DD's have said going on trips with dad he makes leaving difficult because he often raises his voice. It reinforces how peaceful our packing for our trips together have been recently.

Last night had dreams about WH.... was reading my journal after his first affair. And realized that the way he was treating me never really changed. Dreamed about the hurt and confusion he caused me. Made me wake up and know that I'm going to be so much better off without him. The only regret I have is that I let that go on so long. I think if I had just let go sooner.... can't go there hindsight is 20/20.

The good things in my life right now is that we have laughter in my house. I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world right now. My house may not be the cleanest or most organized but you can feel the love when you walk in. Wonder if WH feels that when he comes in. I feel bad because he is missing wondeful moments with his kids in the morning and evenings. Then I think it wouldn't be like that if he was here. It hadn't been that way for a very long time.

I am grateful to WH for the 3 beautiful children we had together. They are my blessing from God.

It's going to be a great day... even thou I'm waiting for the repairman to fix my washing machine after it flooded my kitchen, my pool is still green and I can't seem to get it clear. Life is good.

Still

Sometimes I feel like I'm just talking to myself. But this is my therapy right now.

Just thinking about a song by Martina McBride "Wrong Again". I remember listening alot to it after WH first affair.

This is my road... the lyrics say it perfectly.

From The Day We Met
You Made Me Forget
All My Fears
Knew Just What To Say
And You Kissed Away
All My Tears

I Knew This Time I Had Finally Found
Someone To Build My Life Around
Be A Lover And A Friend
After All My Heart Had Put Me Through
I Knew That It Was Safe With You
And What We Had Would Never End
Wrong Again

Everybody Swore
They'd Seen This Before
We'd Be Fine
And You'd Come To See That You Still Loved Me
In Good Time

And They Said There's Nothing You Can Do
It's Something That He's Going Through
It Happens To A Lot Of Men
And I Told Myself That They Were Right
That You'd Wake Up And See The Light
And I Just Had To Wait 'til Then
Wrong Again

And It Seemed To Me The Pain Would Last
My Chance For Happiness Had Passed
And Nothing Waited 'round The Bend
I Was Sure I'd Never Find Someone
To Heal The Damage You Had Done
My Poor Heart Would Never Mend
Wrong Again
Wrong Again

> "It's going to be a great day..."

great attitude and example. i think thinking that helps me out of victim mode when i feel like i'm slipping in...

Ashes,

Yes positive attitude does wonders. I wish I would of realized it a heck of lot sooner.

It is here now and I am thankful for that.... it feels so good to be here. I want to shout from the rooftops that "Still is here and happy and nobody is going to take that away from her"

Still

It's like a switch, isn't it. Like one day, you wake up and hit the brink, and turn that switch, and EUREKA, you are free from the clutches of all of that turmoil and agony. You can then deal with the pain, look at the past objectively, with your faults in mind, and move past it. You begin to live in the day, and no longer count minutes until the pain goes away. You anger subsides dramatically, as you have let go, and no longer try to have responsiblity for what you cannot control.

This is a great time to really hunker down in personal recovery, to reshape your way of thinking, to be healthier, happier, just Still, just you ,happier.

Not all days will be rosy, but they will all feel like you are back on solid ground, up from the depths, among the living...

Hey Still!

I Love Love Love your statement that No One is going to take away your happiness! You have quickly graduated from coming out of being a victim all the way up to not only controlling, but defending yourself in a pro-active mode!

Good for you!!!

Silent,

It was like a switch... and I can't tell you how I never thought it was going to happen. But it did. Thanks to God, my kids, family and friends and everyone here on MB.

I am going to take this time for working on me. Looking on what made me stay in a damaging relationship for so long. Why I did and fix that so I never let that happen to me again. It will probably be painful... but I don't think anything is as painful as going through ugly infidelity.

I know not every day is going to be rosy. But it has been for 5 days (yeah) a long time for me. And I know when I have my down days I have everyone here to help me and kick me in the pants.

Bugs.... I like that statement too <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> And I really feel it this time.
My happiness depends on me not others. I am actually beginning to love myself again. Finally believing that I am a good person who has a lot to offer.
I will not let my WH make me feel like a victim again. (fingers crossed)

Still

Day 6... still feeling for the most part fantastic.

Just don't think I'm on the "high" I was earlier. Know that the D is the best thing at this time. Although still wish it wouldn't of ended this way.

Talked with ny kids this morning and they had a wonderful time at the water park with thier dad... I should be glad? Right? Why did I feel a little twinge of jealousy?

My attorney also called me.... we are due to have a continuence conferance on the 7th. Told him at this time there was no hope of reconciliation. He told me I sounded much better and that he was really worried about me. I guess it is still going to hurt to go through this divorce, even if I know it's for the best. so I'm thinking we may have a court date at the end of August or early Sept. It's silly but I hope our divorce isn;t decreed on our anniversary on Oct 7th.

So just a little reflective tonight. Not down in the sumps with depression. Just sad how it's all turning out.

I still don't want him back as he is right now..... and I don't think he has it in him to make the change. Someday I hope I end up like CJ with a wonderful guy who wants my love.

Still

Still,

Do you remember how you (and others) used to ask, "How do you know when you're done?" and we used to just say, "There's no particular thing that happens, you just know. It's done."

Now you know what I mean! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

There isn't some enormous event that makes you mad and you think to yourself, "THAT'S IT! I'M DONE!" It's more like turning a corner from down one hallway to an entirely different hallway. Something fundamental inside you just changes and accepts the change.

I remember the moment for me just as clear as a bell. I caught my exH doing email sex/cybersex right around his birthday/Thanksgiving and I just cried and cried. But I knew right away it was DIFFERENT. I wasn't crying because he had yet another affair...I was crying because I just knew to the core of my being that this time I had to stand up for myself and not live with unfaithfulness from my partner. *I* was different...not him!!

Eventually, this is the place that I would like to see Bugs and Eph get to...the place within Plan B where something fundamental within them changes, and there is peace. It's somewhat like the feeling, "Wow, I'm not that person anymore. I don't have to accept crumbs. I'm not happy that I have to move on and they have decided to stay in the pit where they are, but I CAN move on and I accept it."

I'm SO GLAD you made it here!! ((((((((((((((still)))))))))

Your mama bee,



CJ

This is exactly how I felt late in my PLAN B. I turned that corner, facing my fears along the way. I was still afraid, but I was moving toward my happiness, in whatever form that took.

It's early for Bugsy and Eph, but I think they'll get there, I think we all do, just in our own time, and when acceptance of reality takes over.

I am certainly praying hard to reach this place with you all! Reading here about how you have each come to that place of peace gives me such hope!

Still, I can not tell you enough how happy I am for you! You have struggled long and hard - you So deserve the peace and happiness you have begun!!

Hope you have a great weekend!

your posts in this thread are very encouraging. thank you for sharing.

This morning starts Day 10 of my road to healing.

Just a little anxious this morning, has more to do with meeting with my attorney this afternoon to plan a finacial proposal. The financial aspect of this really scares me. I know I'll get through this with my faith in God.

I really have no feelings toward WH right now. I see him and it doesn't do anything. Actually I think he looks silly. Has dyed his hair and truthfully it doesnt look good on him. Guess trying to look young for his ho. Did see him at church on Sunday, he was in the pew across the aisle. I was with my mom and we both couldn't believe that he went up to recieve communion.

There was one blip on the screen on Sat. night... we needed to talk about DD20 tuition payments. I teared up a little and he slipped and called me sweetie. That brought a slight twinge.

Otherwise I am continueing to move forward towards my new life. I guess today isn't one of the rosy days. Will try to trn this around though.

Still

Still,

Of course you are going to have twinges like that from time to time. I think that is totally normal.

The financial wrangling can get overwhelming, so let your A do his/her job on that,,,which is to totally protect your interests. Provide as much info and documentation as you can to assist.

Other than that, just continue on your journey. You are doing so Great!!

Bugs,

The feeling is mutual.... you are doing fantastic also. And I hope your situation doesn't turn out like mine. Although at this point in time this is the best thing for my family. We are going to survive this and flourish. Can't say the same for thier dad.

Still