<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I like the Logan/Wolverine idea. Sharp claws, and all.

Well everyone it's a boy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />
And he is about 3 weeks old. The vet thinks it has some Persian in it also.

So the official name is Logan (Wolverine). They decided on that name because Wolverine is a mutant and they feel kitty was a mutant because it has double paws. Believe me it is anywhere from looking like a mutant.

Feeling emotionally better today. Had some interection with WH about prescription cards. He was cold as always. Went to dr. this morning and I'm a girl <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
No I have swimmers ear and it kept me up all last night. Pretty painful. When i went to get RX filled they told me insurance had expired and if I had a new card. WH was pretty good about calling them with the info once he got my message.

Still

Hey, Still

Do you ever hear from FightingBack? Does anyone?

Glad you're feeling better!

No I haven't heard from Fightingback for ages. I hope she is doing okay.

I do think of her often.

Still

I was just thinking about fightingback yesterday; weird. I hope she is doing well. Last I heard, she was resigned to being a single mommy again. She had such a hard time implementing Plan B.

I think the deeper she got into it, the more she realized that she really didn't want WW back. I think she liked herself a lot better when she wasn't around WW. I'd still like to know how she's doing, though.

One year ago today I got definate proof that WH was meeting MOW in the mornings before work.

A year ago today was when I exposed to WH bosses and MOW H.

It's weird because I really don't feel too much... what a year. I wouldn't want to live it over for all the money in the world.

A small part of me wants to send WH an e-mail reminding him of the date he destroyed his family for someone elses wife. But I won't because he is definately not worth it.

Still

I'm with you on this one, sister.

Today is one of those days where I really miss H. Just wish he would see the light and come home so we can work on this. I know this isn't going to happen because he is so lost right now.

I feel lost today.

Still

Awww, still.

I think I'm having one of those days, too, but more than coming home I just wish none of it had happened. I'm just tired of it all and wish the slate were clean. So tired.

We'll get through it. If you're lost, I'm lost, remember? But I think we are on the right path. It's just dark right now, and we are having a little trouble seeing the way. Maybe we just need to hunker down for a bit and wait til morning comes. We can keep each other company.

It's not as if we have to make progress every day. We've come a long way.

What are your weekend plans?

LilSis,

Yeah i wish none of this ever happend also. Sometimes I wish it were just a bad dream and I would wake up. No such luck.

Maybe today is just a curve in our road.... and when we make the corner we will see some sunshine.

This weekend I go back to work. DS is with his dad this weekend. DD's are home with me.

Tonight is DS's last 3 v3 hockey game. Will go to see that, Wh coaches so I will see him there also.

Still

Life ia chugging along.... and I'm just following the tracks. The last couple of days were slightly hard. Really was mourning the loss. I cried Sunday night like I haven't in a long time. The good thing is I knew it wouldn't last very long.

I realize even though you let Go and let God there is still hurt. It doesn't mean you still don't wish things were different. It just means we have to accept what is happening. Knowing that what God has in store for us will be so much better. It has to be.... haven't we suffered enough?

There are still things that trigger me... when anyone mentions that they have been married 20 something years...trigger. When I read the obits and think I won't be listed as beloved wife. Seeing the wedding and engagement announcements and it will be Ms. Still from here and Mr WH from there..
It just makes me a little sad.

I still pray for God to open WH heart and break him... it will happen in God's time. At times I want to say hurry up God hasn't it been long enough. And sometimes I do.

Reading Sadmo's latest entry about not being happy the last few years...reminds me of me. It had been a struggle thae last 6 years and this past year although lots of hurt has been peaceful. No more walking on egg shells and such. No more of hearing the "tone" of his voice when he talked to me. These are all good things in my life.

Today on my road to healing I'm thankful for today... not going to think of yesteryear or tomorrow.

Still

I think what Sadmo has said, about not being happy for so long, is true of many individuals and couples who are here, as well as those who have not been fortunate enough to find MB yet.

I wasn't happy, either, not IN my marriage. I claimed to be, but I know I was not, not in, probably, 2 years prior to the A's, and definitely not since.

What I'm trying to say is that Sadmo's perspective is not unique. She decided to divorce a while ago; you are just now ACCEPTING what may or may not come your way; you are accepting today, and, initially, that is tough to do. Accepting today, means accepting all of those who live in it with you, including your WH, and his choices, and the consequences of those choices.

I, myself, am pretty happy, it's the marital relationship that's jamming it right now. I am actively persuing solutions, and do hope for positive results. What will be, will be, but it won't JUST be according to some whim, it will be according to mine and PWC's actions, our choices.

Your life will be happy if you choose for that to be so. It will take time, but you will be happy again. You've got to accept the loss and mourn the loss, whatever that is.

Silent,

I know my life will be happier....with or without WH. At least that is my daily chant. Keep repeating and it will be.

I think alot of what I mourn is not having the chance to attempt recovery. Not my choice, one that I am learning to live with. Not being able to share all I have learned about making a marriage better. Wh is not at that place and probably never will be. His loss.

I have a friend who sometimes "sees" things. We were talking while we were on vacation. She stopped and said I just saw who you are going to be with. He is going to make you very happy. She described him as not much taller than me and a real family man. Who knows only God.


Still

And, like me, if you do get the chance to attempt recovery, you may or may not end up mourning the fact that it did not work, BECAUSE, you are only HALF of M recovery. Your WH could choose, while in the midst, to quit, or could choose NEVER to join in, but to freeload, instead.

Believe me, recovery is very difficult, under the best circumstances. You would want NOTHING short of him coming to you and DOING what is necessary.

I continue to learn about myself, and continue to live with my decisions and whatever part of PWC's decisions affect me. Control is a definite thing of the past.

Still, no matter where your life takes you, where your choices take you, you have the choice to be happy in it.

I didn't realize how long it's been since I have updated.

Life has been good to me. I did hit a rough day or 2 a couple of weeks ago. It was me angry about the fairness of life. How it wasn't fair that WH gets to be with someone and I don't. That lasted a short while. Then started my period. It was all hormones (sorry guys if this is TMI).

I'm actually happy again. And it feels so good.
Last week ripped wallpaper off my bedroom walls and painted my bedroom a color I liked. My parents and DD17 helped. The next day brand new carpet was installed. Later that week had a brand new bedroom set delivered. My bedroom is finally all mine. No more signs of WH anymore. Still trying to put it all together. never realized how much stuff we actually had tucked away in there.

There was a couple of misty moments.... finding my wedding dress box. And our unity candle and cards we recieved for our wedding. Something I just can't part with at this time. Maybe someday, maybe not.

Sold my old bedroom set yesterday to a young couple that is getting married next month. How eerie is this they are getting married on October 7th. Which is my wedding anniversary!!!!

Otherwise I feel myself getting stronger and stronger each day. It doesn't mean I don't think about WH and what's going on. It still enters my thoughts several times a day. It just doesn't throw me on the floor like it use to.
Saturday marked one year since he moved out. And I didn't even cry once.
Even though currently I'm alone I haven't felt this good in years.

I'm ready to get on with my life and have the best revenge...living a happy and healthy life.

I'm at the point where I don't know if I would even want H back if he came back. He would have to do some fancy dancing to even get me to consider it. I think I'm ready to meet someone who will love me for me. Put me first every once in a while. Not quite divorced yet so I know that will have to wait. I am more mature now then when I was dating H... I know what I want and need now in a relationship. I know I have so much to offer someone.

My road to healing is ongoing... and I know that it will be something that I will be doing for the rest of my life. With God in my life I know the scars from my M will thin and only ake me a better person.

Just wanted to let everyone know that life does and can get better. It's a choice that we can make for ourselves. And I choose to live today happily.

Still

Oh, Still, you sound SOOO wonderful! Good for you! Pat yourself on the back!

You have come sooo far!

Love that you made your bedroom for YOU! Good going!

Awesome, keep up the great work! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Rin,

I really do feel wonderful. It has been a long haul for all of us hasn't it.
I have been keeping up on your situation also...but I don't have muchto offer. Just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. There are good things coming to us, I just know it.

And on friday I will be thinking of you...hopefully you will be moving into your home really soon.

(((Rin)))

Still

Thanks Still...I hope so too! I miss it, and so do the boys!

I have to be there for 8:30 in the morning, so I don't think that I will get a chance to check in...maybe so...BUT it's definitily in God's hands...He has to do for me what I can not do for myself! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

YOU, my Dear are just Awesome!

You sound great, Still. You have come SO far from when I first met you. Of all the Killer Bees, I think you have grown the most. And you sound so strong! I can't express how proud of you I am.

Keep it up!