I am pea green with envy.

I need to get my girlfriends together and have a girls night, maybe at my house, with drinks and hors d'ouevres. I'm sure I could find something to make that would fit in with my diet.

So pea green with envy, I am.

You have fun! If you have a really flirty, flitty skirt of dress, wear that. It's fun to feel the fabric whirling around when you dance. OOOOO, and [color:"red"] RED [/color] , if you have it

Silent,

If you were closer I'd invite you out with us also.

It is going to be alot of fun..... I'm going to call him later today to see how we should dress? Casual vs. dressy. I'm hoping for casual, but I will let them decide. He is planning the "date" for us.

Still

My "date" for tonight was postponed <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />.

Apparently one of the guys is scheduled for foot surgery next week and he needs to go to Mass. for pre-op work today.

We'll schedule it later I guess. I'm slightly bummed.... was really loking forward to it. Now I'll need something else to keep my mind off my upcoming anniversary. Still heading down to Boston on the actual date,

Debating whether I should send a card or not. Maybe just telling him that I've come to realise that what we had at one time is completely gone now. That I really did love him and wished it didn't end this way.

Got a really good look at the MOW last night when I was picking my DS up from practice. She is really chunking and I thiNK UGLY. But I may be biassesed.(sp).

Still

Darn! That's disappointing...

Don't send a card. It is just another day.

Gotta run...glad you checked in. Hang in there, Still!!!

The more I dwell on it, the more I think I will not send a card. I wish I could get to the point and think it's just another day. I'm not there yet.

I know my M is over and it is what it is. I'm growing as a person and I really like who I am. My "core" is a good person who has lots of empathy for others. Not just pretend empathy but real.

Still

When I first read this I thought hmmmm... guess going to "Mass" for pre-op (prayer maybe?) IS a good ideal but I wonder why they had to cancel the outing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Sorry your plans were canceled, but you know what? You've got another choice, make NEW plans!:)

I didn't mean that YOU should feel or pretend that it's just another day....just that you may want to ACT AS IF it's another day. Thereby not acknowledging it to WH.

This is tough, Still. I hope you are able to pull something together to do at the last minute. It's bad enough to sit home alone; but to sit home alone knowing that you almost did something fun...yuck.

I'm really sorry that the plans got messed up.

Well POOP!

Ah well, you can find something to do, even if it's rearranging the dang furniture while listening to music and drinking wine. Actually, how about just drinking wine and listening to music.

Hey, what about having the people over who were going to go out, whom are NOT having pre-op work done. Have an impromptu dinner party.

I always had the house to keep me busy, updating, fixing, cleaning, changing, so I was never at a loss for SOMETHING to do.

Still,

I hope you've found something to occupy your time tonight. Glad you decided not to send the card - good choice!

Silent, , how did you know what I"m up to tonight? Playing music, cleaning house, and drinking wine! Hope the wine won't make me miss a lot of spots!!

Meggy - - I was wondering why he needed to go to Church on a Friday a week before his surgery, too! LOL!

Still - have a GREAT time in Boston!

Thanks guys,

Ended up having wine with another friend at her house and we watched the Yankees lose <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />. Not quite as fun as going out but it filled in.

PM. I should of said Massachussetts and not Mass. Sorry about the confusion. I guess that's where he is having surgery.

Today I'm going to Homecoming football game. Should be a really good game as both teams are undefeated. Will probably see WH but oh well. Can't keep him away from those things. Wish I could. And tonight DD17 and DS14 are going to the homecoming dance. Boy I feel old.

Feel a little sad, I guess WH is going down to his parents and they are celebrating FIL's 70th b-day. It sucks to not be included in these things anymore. He's divorcing me.... sometimes it feels like his whole family is also divorcing me.

Still

Aloha Still,

Enjoy the game! He can't take that away from you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Later send the FIL a card and let him know you missed visiting with them.

L.

I guess it's time for my update again. Been struggling lately. Why is it so hard to accept all of this?

Why can't we just hate our WS's? It would be so much easier if we could. But I can't. I do hate what he's doing, it's just hard to hate the person. The person who I thought he was.

Why does it seem that they left us so easily.... without really ever looking back? Sometimes I think I would feel slightly better if I knew he was in some turmoil also.

I keep going back and forth between wanting to keep trying and just getting it over with. What does it say about me that I want someone back who obviously doesn't want to be with me?

WH did text me on our anniversary about how he has to go to his grave with his sin and how that hurts. Why doesn't he just stop what he's doing if he realizes it's a sin?

Do I try to reach out one more time? Or is it just banging my head on a wall?
Really confused lately.

Still

Um, aren't you still living in LIMBO, Still? I would say that has something to do with acceptance. You can accept where you are right now, today, but when you look forward, and see limbo, that's not so easy to accept.

I would wait for your answers to come, with time and patience you will see much more clearly. I mean, we could all chime in with our advice, and it will, most likely, differ, so you will still be back at YOU deciding what to do. I say to let the answers come to you, not to force them. Read Lunamare's thread, see how patience can bring clarity.

You just passed another anniversary, so that could be a factor too.

Sounds like your WH is guilt laden. Leave him with it.

What SL said.

(((Still)))

Thanks,

You are right I am still in limbo. No court date, no knowing who my WH new attorney even is. Wishing this wasn't happening.

I do think my anniversary had a lot to do with it. I completely enjoyed my day with DD20, we went to the circus. Didn't cry till I was on my drive home.

Is it possible to think you have reached acceptance and waver? I really thought I was there a while back. I know I will get there again. It just seems to be coming slower this time.

Still

I don't think acceptance equates to jumping for joy. The loss is still apparent, regardless of how 'real' you are about the separation and divorce proceedings.

I think you are in limbo; you were thinking you were getting the D, the out of nowhere, WH STOPS the process. Your expectation of what was about to happen got shifted, and maybe the hope that your WH was turning a corner rose in you.

Do you see your WH or talk to him?

HI Silent,

I see my WH ocassionally. Speak to him occassionally. Mostly we communicate through texting or e-mail. It would be alot easier if I didn't see him at all.

I usually see him at kids events or when he happens to drop off DS. Will be seeing him alot more when hockey starts. He is coaching DS hockey team before the high school season starts.

Most of the time I feel I am accepting what is happening. Not much I can do about it anyway. Wish I could. I know if we ever try to recover it will be really difficult. I don't think that is ever going to happen though. Although it's true at times I think he is turning a corner.

I know a big part of this is loneliness. I'm dreading the holidays this year even more tham last year. Last year at this time I was still very angry.

Still

I agree with SL that you are in a bit of limbo...are you D-ing, or are you not....all that uncertainty can be exhausting. Give yourself that.

And, as you've noted, give yourself credit for the anniversary. That's exhausting, too.

So don't feel as if you are not recovering. I don't believe it's as if you cross the finish line and the race is over. It's a process. And it's something you do every day. Did you get the book?

Further, it must be very, very difficult to have those little tidbits from him. First, dropping the complaint. The TMs, the emails, the "sightings," the "going to my grave with sin" crap.

This is picking at the scab...not of your doing, but his. Or it would be to me.

I had a dream last night that I found out that WH wasn't the biological father of my children. (Just so you know, this is absolutely ridiculous) But in my dream, I was so happy...AHHH! at last, I can be rid of this man! He has no claim on the boys! I can do what I believe is best for them and he doesn't have a say!

Course then I woke up.

Anyway, I thought maybe you could relate to that...and smile for just a moment.

(((((still)))))

Thanks LilSis,

It does feel like pulling the scab off of a wound that's trying to heal. I don't know if he realizes I'm getting mixed signals... maybe I'm reading too much into these things. That's the more likely scenerio.

The dream you had did make me smile. Boy what our subconcious is trying to tell us. My dreams lately have been the kind I truely shouldn't mention here. Let's just say in them he comes back. (Which could be a real nightmare in real life)

Still

Still,

Just wanted to pop in and say Hello! I understand that this limbo business is oh so hard!

sis is right about this, for sure



My D is final and I find this still to be true for me.

Hoping you have a good weekend!