Aloha Still, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Good to hear from you. Sorry to hear the fog still resides in your neck of the woods. Glad you are not in it though. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

You are in the right direction. Stay focused and don't let them take away your smile <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

take care,
L.

Aloha Orchid,

The fog is peasoup thick. I wish he would see what he is doing to his DD17.
I know I shouldn't care and let him hit bottom with all of this, I really don't want him to lose his daughters completely.

My co-worker offered to work for me this morning so I could go to my DD playoff soccer game. She doesn't get to play much. But today she got to play most of the second half. It will probably be the last soccer game she gets to play in of her HS career. And WH was no where to be found. DS had a scrimmage game and he went to that instead. I hurt so mcuh for her.

Other than that I am doing so much better that I was yesterday morning. I am moving forward. And he is sinking. Not my problem.

Thanks for checking in Orchid.... I wish things were different but they are not. It is what it is.

Still

Good morning everyone,

Just wanted to say SWEEP....Way to go Bosox. Kind of glad it's over so now I can get some sleep. DD20 called me this morning at 1am from Kenmore Square, she said it was wild there. (Sorry Chris about the rockies)

Just wanted to say something about maybe Karma is happening. (at least to ho) A friend ran into someone yesterday that asked what my WH's thing was named. She has an unusual name. Because she applied for a job where she works and put my WH down as a reference. Needless to say she said they are not even calling her for an interview... don't need someone like that to break up some one elses family. God may strike me down but I did gloat a little, okay maybe a lot.

Got to get going to decorate a schoolbus DD17 soccer team is going to the finals to decide who goes to the states next weekend.

Still

Still,

Can't say as I'm a Sox fan,,,but I bet DD had a great time celebrating!!

A little gloating (ok a lot) isn't going to send you to Hades and is perfectly understandable!! I laughed at it myself! Good to know that there are others out there IRL that don't want that kind of person around either!

Good luck to DD & her team! What's their mascot?

Hi bugs,

Thanks for the good wishes for DD soccer team. Our mascot is a black raider.

I know I won'y go to hades....it's just not very "christian" of me. My GF that told me she thought it might be work that is making her change jobs. Told her I thought they would of done that last year when all this came out. My thoughts are that she isn't weel liked by her co-workers... that was part of the reason that she started going to WH because the girls didn't like her. When my WH told me that I said "do you think it's because they think she is sleeping with the boss?" Which she was. Oh well it gave me an oppurtunity to tell my kids once a reputation is lost it's very hard to get that back.

Still

My DD's soccer team is going to the state championship game.

Something strange happpened at the game...WH bought me a hot chocolate. Now why do I want to read more into this...it's just a cup of hot chocolate. It's not like he is even close to coming back. Am I being really pathetic?

Still

Your WH is a well practiced fence sitter at this point. Why examine his motives for buying you a hot chocolate? Why not examine his motives for stopping the D? How about going back into Plan B? You cannot think clearly if you are wondering over him buying you a hot chocolate, Still.

Still,

No, you are not pathetic! As far as I can tell, you are pretty gosh darn normal! It's WH that is at issue here, not you.

I'd second Silent's questions to you,,,,,,what do you think??

Silent and Bugs,

I think he isn't really pushing for the divorce right now because he has everything he wants.

A place of his own.
Time to be with ho when he wants,
See the kids when he wants.
And my income to boot.
Once the divorce is final he'll have to pay child support etc. and not have my income to help him play with his honey.

That's why I need this to end. He doesn't give a ****** about me...

Tonight just happened to drive by ho's house to bring DS to McD's and he was driving out of her driveway. Ouch

Still

Still,
Sounds like you might have some decisions to make. I'm hearing that you "need this to end." I'm also hearing that there is still a lot of really raw pain.

So what is it exactly that you need to end? Are you referring to the marriage? or the pain? Because you know that the pain won't disappear just because the marriage ends.

I suspect that the really raw pain has much to do with the level of contact between the two of you.

The sports makes it difficult. Now that soccer's about over, what's next on the sports calendar? It would be great if you had a little break from that.

You can control whether or not you drive by the ho house. Take the long way to MickeyD's.

OTOH, it is also painful to be in the place of limbo. The financial stuff that you mentioned really bothers me. You should be taking care of yourself...he's really taking advantage of you. By dropping the D, he got himself out of having to pay the price (literally) of taking up with the ho.....now he gets her for free.

I don't know what to tell you; I wish I did. You are in an awful spot. He filed, but dropped it at the 11th hour. You continue to have contact. He's taking advantage of you financially. He's still clearly with the ho. You are still in a lot of pain.

If you filed, you could get an order in immediately for CS, at least. You could ask your attorney to drag it out...mine took a year.

This might give you some breathing room, and you might feel better about yourself if you took some control over your life, as opposed to living by his whim, waiting for the next shoe to drop.

But taking that step.....would be exceedingly difficult.

I'm just thinking aloud here....I wish I had some advice. You are in such a bad spot.

((((((still)))))

I know that you have decisions to make, so why not slink back into a good, dark, SOLID Plan B state and get to thinking. Take that time to detach, find your own personal strength, grieve and let go. I wouldn't advise making decisions while you are still in such emotional turmoil.

Let STill be happy in HER life. Wash that Wayward right out of your hair.

Look at Lunamare's thread. She was in Plan B for two years before she felt confident in her decisions. I think you need some real time to evaluate what has happened over the last 6 years. You have been going at this THAT long, and it will require a lot of time away from this man to see clearly. His dropping the D has you in a tailspin.

It may have been ark^^ who posted it, but she said, "Just be still..."

Good Morning Sis and Silent,

I do think I need to go dark again. I really thought I could handle some interaction with WH, now I know I can't. At this point I don't think I ever can.

I want to be done with the pain... and I think that may include the marraige as well. He didn't drop the divorce he just postponed it. In August things were suppose to move forward. His attorney became a judge plus she really never responded to any letters from my attorney about financial papers. My attorney contactd me last week with the name of his new attorney so hopefully things will begin to happen.

i'm going to pull back for my own sanity.

Soccer will be over Sat. Then there is hockey and swimming. I'll surround myself with friends. That's all I can do.

Still

((((Still))))

I know how hard this must be for you. It really is best to shut him out. I'm sure you can take a lot of pain, but it's just not necessary. You deserve time to get your head together, and be free from this tangled mess.

Thanks for the hugs Silent.
It is hard... I know this will make me a stronger person in the long run.
I just need to keep telling myself it's been 6 years of this garbage, not all of the 6 years were bad. The hard was the majority of it. He wasn't remorseful the first time and I struggled with that. And "if" he were to come back would I be in the same place in a year or two. I can't accept that and I won't accept that.
My road ahead is without him, at least for the time being. I need to stop looking at the door that is closed and look at the one that God has open for me. I'm scared, actually I'm really scared. But the light that is beaming from that open door is comforting knowing that God will help me through it.
I just need to stay away from him... right now he is toxic to my soul.

Still

Still,

Just saying hi!



YEP.

So, as was asked before,,,,,do you get a sporting event break soon where you won't have to see him??

HI Bugs,

No unfortunately no breaks. Will just have to be invisable. Hockey has already started. Then after Thanksgiving DD starts swimming.

I will figure out a way to do this... got my thinking cap on right now. Any ideas on how to become the invisable woman?

Or should I say he becomes the invisable man and I can still be the goddess so he can eat his heart out when he realizes just what he lost. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Still

I think the last suggestion is the best. I don't really have any suggestions; my son is 5, and we never had sporting events to try and avoid each other at.

Still:

Get out of the limbo.

Your WH is enjoying the fence.

It's alot better there then it will ever be on either side of it.

He doesn't WANT to COME HOME.

So that side isn't good.

And falling over to the actual Plan D side, means, he finally has to start paying for his decisions.

So.

Its.

Time.

To.

Push.

Humpty.

Dumpty.

Off.

The.

Fence.

Plan B is fine. But you need Plan D.

The fence sitting WH has turned his lettle perch into a penthouse, and LOVES the view.

So he brings you a coffee. What, at the most, that was $3.00.

The emotional turmoil since then has cost you more than that.

You are worth SO MUCH more than that.

Take control Still.

Because you have ceeded so much control to him.

Sports, smorts. So what if he attends every game that you are at. You not there for HIM. You are there for YOUR KIDS.

Take control of YOUR life.

LG

LG,

I am pushing him off the fence. Sent a e-mail to my attorney to check about financial papers we requested back in August. I need this done. I want this done.

I know he's not coming back... and yes that hurts but I can't and won't linger on that anymore. I want to begin my life I am sick and tired of limbo. I know my limbo is stopping me from moving forward. I have to stop focusing on them. And it's me that is keeping me there.

Actually the hot cocoa probably didn't even cost that <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

The sporting events I can handle, I have a great support system in place. And you are right I am there for my kids not him.

My last day of focusing on them. Went to a friend who reads cards and she said I am holding myself back by looking backwards and not forward that the good energy (ie God) can't help me if I'm still focusing on them. That as soon as I let go and put all that energy in me good things will come.
Also had her "read" cards of MOW.... it was kind of interesting. She is having much turmoil aat work that the people around her son't like her and financially. She is looking for financial stability (which she doesn't realise won't come from WH) and a house. She sees me as happy and at peace. She is in much turmoil right now. I know she isn't happy at work because I heard she was looking for another job. And that there is an older man (not WH) encouraging her.
Enough about them.
Looking forward.....

Still

Still,

About this card reader comment,,



Sweetie, you didn't need a card reader to tell you this and you know it. Several folks here have been saying it for a long time. Maybe you DID need to hear it from her so that you might finally listen?? Be careful of this kind of thing(card reading, etc) it takes you off of focusing on where the True answers come from - God.

Glad you are pushing thru the financial papers - LG is right about WH setting up his penthouse on the fence and it's time for him to be evicted.

Believe me, you know *I* struggle with too many thoughts about Drac, so I know it's hard to keep moving forward to the new unknown life. But what are you getting with life the way it is right now??? Don't sit idly by and continue to miss out on YOUR life.

It's going to be FANTASTIC!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />