Who won states?

Still-

Have you heard of the book "When He Leaves" by Kari West and Noelle Quinn. They were both BWs who have written this book as a way to help hurting wives move forward. It was a great help to me. I actually gave away my copy to a friend and then bought it again to read through after my D was final and I was on the mend. Both times it was helpful.

PS: How did the soccer team do? (I'm a former goal keeper-7 years-and high school JV coach).

Hey Bugs,

I did the card reading just for "fun". It's funny how it's the same message (and oh how hard it is to do) just to let go.
My life is in God's hands....

Now about the states, the game was postponed due to remnants of hurricane Neil. It rained like a son of gun yesterday. It's now going to be Tuesday evening under the lights. Although on Tues they are predicting rain again. Hopefully the game will get played before snow falls.

It was weird to have the soccer banquet and still have games left. WH sat at the same table as I did. I really didn't say to much to him. And I'm not falling apart rght now. (yeah me).

Johnstwin thanks for stopping by... I do have that book. I think I need to dig it out again to reread it. It was very helpful to me right after I read it. Think I will do that tonight.

Hi Sis.

Still

It's it nice when you can BE with them and not really be concerned with them...WH...POWS...I like it!

Good to hear you are doing well!

Take care!
Rin <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Okay I think I'm just going to have to suck it up. Parent teacher conferances are next week. Of cours Wh didn't get his form in om time. Apparently they scheduled us together.
Talked with the school this morning... there is no room for the teachers to have 2 appts for each child. That this is about the kids and we need to work together. They feel badly about the situation that I"m in but they cannot accomodate 2 separate meetings. This stinks...I lost it on the phone and cried. I hate when I do that.
So now I look like the bad guy for not wanting to play nice.

Still

I guess I really haven't posted much in a while.

So much going on that I really don;t even know where to begin.

I'm doing the St. Jude novena to heal my marraige. Praying for St. Jude to break up WH relationship with MOW and bring someone else into her life.

I really need help here. I need to follow a plan but I'm not sure which one at this point.

We are a backup case on Monday the 17th. Although both our attorneys feel we won't go to trial. Wh is very confused right now. He's not sure what he wants. This morning I saw him while I was on my way to get a rental and see my attorney. I stopped by his house to pick up some paperwork. We both haven't been sleeping. He actually hugged me twice. Granted a one arm hug but something he hasn't given me since June and our other court date.

My hope is that it's St. Jude starting to intervene and open his heart. My attorney said he doesn't have many cases where neither party seems to want to move forward toward divorce or reconciliation. My heart tells me that he may be thinking about this though.

My attorney gave me something to think about told him I would let him know in a couple of days. He said we could write a letter to WH attorney stating that we will be moving forward with the divorce in January unless 3 things

1. We both dismiss the divorce complaint.

2. He gets rid of the girlfriend

3. We go for marriage counciling.

Help I really need some advice. Right now I'll admit I'm afraid to play hardball. I'm afraid it will just make him angry and ruin any thoughts he may have of stopping the divorce.

Still

I think this is a bad idea. This should not come from your attorney, it should come from you. And I don't think it's something you need to move on in a couple of days. I think it would be the equivalent of taking matters out of God's hands and trying to "make things happen". I vote for waiting this out just a little longer, at least until after the holidays.

I realize you have a court date and I'm sure your attorney would like to be able to clear his own docket if your WH were to accept these terms. But this is just too important to throw out an ultimatum at this point.

Thank-you PM,

I was hoping you would see this. I really don't think it's a good idea either. If he's having second thoughts about all of this I think this would drive him right away. I just needed someone eles opionion who has been on our end of things.

I am going to wait it out... let it work out in it's own time. And if he does come to the point of dropping the divorce and reconciling that's when I can bring this up. Because those are boundries I have. No MOW and some type of counciling

Still

Bumping up for more opinions.

Still

Hi Still,

U need to play hard ball. Do it while he is mushed in the cavesa (head - in spanish??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ).

L.

Still,

I was so glad to see you posted! I 'wish' i knew what to tell you -- - other than be 'Still' and listen to what HE is telling you.

I am for boundaries. I am for you sticking to the requirements. I am just not sure (like you) on the how & when to deliver the message.

There are 2 options. Play hard ball as Orchid advises. OR deliver the 'message' yourself as PM says. You can tell him that neither of you HAS to move towards the D. You CAN work together to heal your M,,, and give him your conditions for that to happen.


What do YOU think he is going to do Monday? What is the harm - - -or the potential good or bad if you do nothing more than wait and see what he does on Monday (or what he doesn't do?). I am sure you have played out the scenarios in your mind,,,,, what do you think?

I wish I had the answer, Still.

(((Still)))

Still...I think of you so often.

I have a question: if you knew nothing of what WH is thinking/feeling/doing right now, what would your plan be?

All the what ifs and should bes and just maybes and speculation...

What about YOU?

I know how much you want to save your marriage. I understand that. This is so, SO scary.

I wish it were easier to just give it to God. To not try to DO something. You have been doing what you need to do...the novena. Please trust in Him. Have faith that somehow, some way, your prayers will be answered. And remember that they can be answered in more than one way.

Maybe He will guide you to write a letter. Maybe He will guide you to just let him do his work. I don't know. I wish I did.

One of the most difficult things, I think, is trying to discern His will from your own.

You listen to your heart. Find peace with whatever it is that you decide to do, and believe with absolute certainty that you did everything YOU could.

(((((still)))))

Thanks everyone for your words of wisdom.

Orchid.... right now I'm not ready to play hardball. I'm seeing more of H than WH when we see each other. I know that will just push him away and make him think that's why I want this divorce. I'll wait it out for right now... and if the time comes I will play hardball.

Bugs... I don't think we will be called for court on Monday morning. We are a back up case pending if the divorce before us would of settled. And apparently the attorneys (same ones) are not even talking about that particular case. So unless one of the cleints get sick we are not on the docket. My attorney told me to go to work and not worry about it.

Sdguy... thanks for the hugs. We always can use hugs even the cyber kind.

LilSis... if I didn't know any of WH thoughts at this point I would still be doing the novena to heal my marriage. So I'm continuing in that vein at this point.
We actually laugh a little when we talk to each other now. And that hasn't happened for so very long.

Yesterday when he gave me hugs I started to cry. After I left I TM him to say sorry I cried. He answered back. Why? So do I.
I asked him he crys? And he told me do I think he doesn't care at all about the last 28 years. So it's little things like that when I see H not WH.

Right now I going to be "still" like Bugs says.... and see where this goes. Just be myself and continue my novena.

Now I wish I could get some insight from some FWS... if they think this mat be a good sign.

Thanks guys... even though I haven't been posting lately I still try to keep up on yout threads.

Still

Still,

Maybe there is some softening going on there!

If you have time, share a bit more on what's been going on. It's hard to advise without know what's been happening there. If you are seeing H more than WH,,,,it sounds promising to me.

I am praying for you both!

{{{Still}}}

Hey Bugs,

Thanks for the prayers... right now it's what is keeping me going.

I'll have to figure out the time line of what's been going on. He has started helping more around the house. Shoveling, coming to fix my hot tub in freezing weather, fixing locks etc... And everytime he does something like that I make sure I thank him personally if I'm here. Shoveling he does at times when I'm working. In those cases I text him thank-you and how much I appreciate him helping.

I think it started Thanksgiving... I had to work. On my way to work (it was early) I TM him Happy Thanksgiving and I hoped he had a nice day with the kids. Apparently I woke him and he called me as soon as he got the message. He was still very sleepy and there was no anger in his voice. He told me that he knew it was hard for me to work the holiday and that he hoped I had a good day at work. I cried all the way to work.
When I ahd some free time at work I composed a e-mail that I sent him telling him everything I was thank-ful for in my life. Kids, our home, work, my faith. I mentioned the only thing I'm missing in my life was my husband. And how I was thankful for all our years together.
I mentioned how it wasn't coming out right... and wasn't sure if it was the holidays or hormones but I told him that hearing his voice that morning went through me.
I'll find a copy of the e-mail and post it if you'd like... essentially I just told him that I had always loved him and I was sorry that I did a lousy job of showing it. He actually thanked me yesterday for the e-mail.
So basically that's what's going on. All I can think of right now.

Still

Is the OW still married? Does her husband know? I don't see the affair having any chance of lasting due to the recent development.

Best Angel,

The MOW is still married as far as I know, although they have filed. I exposed to her husband in August of 2006. He didn't have a clue. They hadn't even been married 3 years at that point. She had done this to her first H, although her current H wasn't her AP. She works for my H and I also exposed at thier workplace.

I know the affair will not last, she doesn't seem to stick around with people very long. I figure it's been going on now for almost 2 years. I'm hoping right now it's on it's deathbed. At least that is what I'm praying to St. Jude for.

Still

Affairs never last. If it has been going for almost 2 years, it will end soon. Most last less than a year. My ex's lasted 3 1/2 years, but they led a fairy-tale life with lots of money to blow.

Yikes - 3-1/2 years! I'm not sure I would be strong enough for that.