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#1919458 07/31/07 08:48 PM
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 25
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 25
I haven't been to this forum in quite a while-years actually. I have pretty much dove into my career and my busyness has kept me from thinking about my H's affair with my best friend. Now I am reeling from it again because my now 10 year old son has been asking questions. He was 2 at the time. My now 16 year old daughter was 8 and remembers things vividly. I cannot believe now that he has questions.

All I told him was that this woman was dad's secretary and decided that she liked him. The look on his face killed me. He pretty much figured the rest out. He looked up at me and yelled, "But dad was married to you!" All I could do was nod.

I feel like I'm in a new type of d-day. My H and daughter are out of state until Thursday. When I try to talk to him about issues that might slightly have to do with his A, he immediately shuts down and tells me to drop it. Now it involves the kids. How do I drop it?

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 126
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It sounds like your H had an A about 10 years ago, but that he dropped it and came back to you. You have continued in M to him since, but the pain has never fully healed. Children are amazingly perceptive. Your son has senced the hurt in your life that has never gone away. Ignoring it will not stop his questions. I believe the best thing to do is to lovingly answer his questions. Tell him that his father made a mistake, but that the two of you have mended your relationship. Reassure him the you still love each other and that you love him as well. Also, you need to try to convince him that what happened is in the past. It is not something that is continuing on today, and everyone makes mistakes. He is seeing probably for the first time that his father is human and fallible. Reassure him that eventhough his father has and will continue to make mistakes, we all should and do learn from those mistakes, and that they (hopefully) will not be repeated. Above all, your son needs to know that you and your H love each other. When kids see that, they usually are pretty happy and well-adjusted, no matter what the circumstances.


lamby

Me...44yr old F; Divorced Feb. 2008
2 boys, 15 and 13
3 girls, 7,9,and 11

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