I would like to have a chat with you. Respond to this thread so people can find you. I have recieved so much help from this site. I doubt you will be able to make it without the help of the caring people on here. I am also new here and check this site everyday. It is my strength. Respond so you can get the support and advice you need.

Sent her an email to tell her you were shoutin' out to her.

- Kimmy

Lostanduncertan..........Here I am. Kimmy told me u were looking 4 me.

~AR

Thanks, Kimmy! Sorry I am still new and I have no idea of how to send an email. I will figure it out soon. I came across your message on an old comment on amanda's post. I would really like to know what happened with your OC and if your feelings changed toward the child. A brief overview of me is that my xH and I got back together after divorcing over an affair and many other things. The current problem is that his OC is in a bad situation. He wants custody of her, but I feel the way you did. I don't want her around, but neither can i come to grips with leaving a child in her current situation. I am so torn. Could you please tell me a little of how your feeling toward OC have changed or not. Or I would be happy to read your thread if you could tell me how. I need all the advice I can get...thanks.

Well a lot has happened since then. Everyone is different. I am currently in the process of getting a divorce. The OC was not the only factor in my decision though. My H, I came to find out is a serial cheater. I guess in the back of my mind I've known this for a long time, I just never came to face it. As far as my feelings toward the OC.....I've never met her in person. I've only seen pics of her because her mother has her pictures all over the internet. If I WAS going to stay with my H, I don't think my feelings would have changed as far as us having the OC around. But only time could predict that I suppose. Even though I'm divorcing him, I still may see the OC. H finally told our son about the OC. He took it a lot better than I thought he would. He's not happy about the situation of course, but he's willing to have an open mind. He said maybe one day he might want to have a relationship with the OC, but not right now. I hope this has helped you at least a little. Take good care of you! Hang in there. Nobody can make this decision for you. You're doing good by reading as much as you can and trying to figure things out. It's not easy, so don't try to rush into anything. I'm here if you need me. I'm also on Surviving Betrayal. GREAT SITE! It really saved my sanity to have everyone there to talk to. *HUGS* ~AR

I have just heard so many conflicting stories. I just want what is right for my family. My children are my main concern. But I have to admit that OC is pleasant to be around. My kids adore her and she is a very good baby. I am just not sure if I am wanting to do this for the sake of the child, or to stick it to her mother. Kind of like saying," You tried to take what was mine so now I will take what is yours." I am so conflicted. We went ahead and filed for emergency temporary custody on friday. He thinks I am more certain of this desicion than I really am (which is completely my fault). I am just hoping to get some advice from people who are past this point, but have made choices on both end of the spectrum. Thanks for the input. My prayers are with you thru your divorce. Mine almost killed me.

lostanduncertain, I think the conflicting emotions you are experiencing are perfectly normal. I know that intellectually you understand this is not OC fault but the selfishness of OW and your FWH BUT OC is a reminder of the betrayal and pain. Give it time and I am certain you will begin to see OC only as your step D and not a reminder of the betrayal. We do have a couple of BW's here that are raising the OC and they love them as much as their own. God bless you.

L&U,

We have custody of the OC. From almost the beginning, I've seen them as individuals...just like my blood children. Just like my dna children I love them for their individuality and uniqueness to the world...and just like any other kid, they have days where they are joy and light, and they have days where they are so snarky I could just trade them in on a pony...

But you know what? Because I KNOW them, because I took the chance to know them, I have NEVER looked at them as a reminder of anything other than with love all things are possible.

And AR...I love you more than I love my luggage. You did and are doing the best thing for you and I've got your back if you ever need me. You have my digits...feel free to use them.

- Kimmy

L&U,
Just checking in on you to see how you are. Listen to Faithy and Kimmy. They have both gotten me thru some rough times.

Kimmy,
I love u 2! Thank u 4 being such a great friend.

AR...

You have many behind you <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Eibrab