At what stage does your WH become EX? The way I see it - there are 4 points at which H could reasonably be considered XH:

1) Upon the first discussion that you want to separate or divorce (if this in fact leads to separation or divorce). In my jurisdiction, this is the date which you can consider your separation to begin, regardless of whether you live in the same house or not.
2) The day one or the other moves out of the house and you begin to live separately.
3) The date the separation agreement is signed (not applicable to most areas where this is part of the divorce)
4) The divorce.

When is he the X? single choice
	First discuss separation/divorce?
	When you assume separate residences?
	Separation agreement signed?
	Divorce finalized?
Votes accepted starting: 08/01/07 12:00 PM
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Tabby,

I know it doesn't seem like a lot of votes have been cast in your poll, but those that have voted all agree. I think that you will find that this is the case with nearly everyone here. You are married until you are not married any longer. In fact, Dr Harley has pointed out on more than one occasion that recovery might be possible for as long as two years after a divorce is final

You're not considering jumping the gun and getting a start on another relationship, are you? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

Mark

Gee I dunno...when does the OW/M lose their monicker and simply become the X's significant other?

As a follow up to Mark's question...If you start dating before your D is final, will your partner be an OM? Will you be having an extra marital affair?

Interesting food for thought. The reason I asked is because I still refer to him as my husband, though the separation agreement is signed, virtually everything has been done business-wise. I was scolded by a friend for not calling him my X - she suggested that I'm still hanging on to the hope that he might come back. I think the reason I still call him that is because I have for so long - I didn't really think about it.

But we are truly broken up right now. He's gone and living with OM. He even listed her as his common-law wife on his life insurance (a form we had to fill out together to get ourselves split apart). We have no reason left to communicate with each other and probably won't. In my jurisdiction, the SA carries all the weight - the divorce is a mere formality that either one of us can apply after 1 yr of separation and the other will be unable to contest it. You can live separated for the rest of your lives without any fear of the former spouse coming back for more. The only thing you can't do is remarry until you have the divorce certificate. So perhaps the SA here is a little more legally binding than in most jurisdictions.

Regarding the OW, I can't imagine thinking of her in any other terms, even long after she and WH break up. Since this has never happened to me before, I don't really know if that's how I'll feel at the time, but from my current perspective this is how it looks.

But very interesting question regarding if I (or any BS that is on their way to divorce but not there yet) date someone, is it an affair? I can't say how I feel - the thought of dating is overwelming to me right now but because of my own feelings about myself more than whether or not I regard it as an affair. I never thought about it that way before. Do people here feel that it is an affair? What about in a situation where the "former" spouses have been separated for years and years but not divorced?

Call him your STBxWH (little 'x' shows overall significance) Don't call her anything at all. (Unless you can come up with a really cool nickname for her...maybe something fitting, like ...never mind. I'll bet you can think of your own.)

You could reduce him to a number - S2BxWH - (2long's gonna be on vacation for a while so we need to pitch in when we can)

Having not seen the Simpson's movie and with my apologies to Marge--you could call him -DOH!

My opinion on your question BTW is this; you are married until one or other of the D's overtakes you...Death or Divorce. Consider that Dr Harley says that reconciliation may be possible for up to two years after a divorce is final. I have seen it happen after almost 15 years of being apart following divorce (I stood up at their SECOND wedding). Statistically, it is not highly likely, but it does happen. Why 2 years? Because the "typical" affair burns out in about two years...

My view is clouded by the fact that I read my bible...It changes my perspective compared to the Hollywood world view.

Mark

Good suggestions Mark. My internet code for him is LCPOC (lyin', cheatin' piece of crap). STBxH might also work, though it's a long year before he can file for divorce. I have no intention of filing - as I said the only advantage is to get remarried which I also have no intention of doing. While I might not be dating now or even in the near future, I do expect to rejoin the world eventually. I might even want a serious relationship someday. I'd even consider living with someone again - just not marriage.

If WH/LCPOC/STBxH doesn't file, then I won't ever be divorced. I fully expect him to as soon as he can - OW will make sure he does (she pulls all the strings). But if they break up before the year is up, then it is likely that he won't - only because he's never done anything that he absolutely didn't have to do. While I fully expect them to break up eventually, I don't think it will be in the next year. I have suspicions that there are already early signs of problems, but she will hang in there quite a while just to avoid the "I told you so's". When they do break up, I don't expect him to come back. I don't think I would take him back now after all he's done. Despite everything I've read here about saving marriages even long after they have fallen apart, I'm not sure I could ever trust this man again. Each day that passes without the world ending as I thought it would give me more and more confidence in myself and less in him. Loneliness is bearable but a repeat of this emotional rollercoaster is too much.