I am new here and just found your site. My name is Brian and I'm 40yrs old with 2 kids ages 4 and 2.

I just found out that my wife was having an affair. We took in a wayward relative(by marriage..not blood) who was 18 yrs old. He has been in and out of detention centers for kids and alot of trouble with the law (dad's a drug addict,mom's a prostitue...literally)....But we felt in a good home he could thrive and learn to be a good person and adult.

My wife took to him and they talked alot but I felt that it was her way of teaching him people could love him and he was in a better place.

Our marriage had been "rocky" for 2 years...she had lost all ambition for sex and I felt I was shallow for being angry at her for it. She blamed it on hormones, kids and lack of time. She is/was the perfect wife and for me to be shallow about it seemed unfair.

Well about 6-8 weeks ago it all got even worse...she began drinking(not getting drunk though)...smoking and staying up really late.(all not her norms).

We fought about because I felt i was really losing her.....

Meanwhile I had suspected an affair but had no proof...I searched phone records...text messages....nothing.

Well last Sunday My neighbor who has been cheated on also came to me and outted her. She had confided in the neighbor's wife(the other cheater)...the neightbors wife come to find out helped my wife along encouraging her..thought it was "hot"..even asked to join or watch my wife doing it.

Well this time when I confronted her with ALOT of details....She caved.

She's been having sex with my 18yr old (in our home,bedroom,car,living room).......live in I took of the streets.

She says she realized a coulple weeks ago how much she needs me and had stopped the affair and wanted to work on us. I kicked the POS kid out and we both remain in the home.He moved to Florida with some other family on Tuesday this week.

Last night she screwed up and was texting a friend and I read them...She wants to see him and misses him and thinks about him alot.

Then when confronted she says she needs closure with him because after I threw him out...she never got to see him before he left.

I am sad. i still love her and want to work it out.

thanks for the vent.

Brian

Sorry for this! I had a friend, same thing happened, about two months after affair ended and he kicked the little fool out, he was killed in a car wreck after leaving wifes apartment. My friend said it was Karma, I dunno, but no good deed goes unpunished! My wife want us to stay together (see my post) but our councilor says I should move out for a while, I bought a house and will close it Monday, be in in Tuesday. I do not know why a women will do this, oh I know all the reasons out there, but what I mean to say is WHY! Why in that she knows it will crush him, ruin kids, and they still do it. One thing I have learned is the women CAN NOT get hid it. I wish you peace, and the power of the Holy Spirit for grace to deal with this. Allovercarolina

Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a good place to be under the circumstances.

I hope you warned others about how this kid behaves. He really took advantage of your kindness.

Waywards all want "closure". But there is no such thing as closure. They need no contact for life.

You need to calmly let your wife know that if she desires to stay married, she needs to never again have contact. Then you must monitor her until she can be trusted again.

Be sure to check out the emotional needs section here and start meeting your wife's top ones.