My WS is living in a hotel with the OW. They have been together for 2 weeks now. I'm am trying to be positive and be happy, etc when I see him---but everytime I see him we fight about the OW. Last night I called him and we talked about nothing for a few minutes and when we started to hang up I told him that I loved him and he said I know you do. Should I continue to tell him I love him knowing that he is just going to say I know you do?

Continue being positive and happy. Don't fight about the OW - you will just push him into her arms. Pretend that he is a drug addict who is addicted to his drug. That sometimes helps you take it less personally.

You can keep telling him that you love him. His response - "I know" is actually rather positive compared to many waywards.

Have you exposed the affair?

Yes, everyone knows. The OW was his best friend's wife. So he is now HATED by all of his friends and is afraid of the OW's husband. He has threatened to kill him. I think that the main driver for her is money. I think that he thinks he is in love with her. Everytime he's an [censored] to me, he usually calls back and apologizes. He has said several times that he knows he screwed up and that everything is his fault. But he won't leave her. I'm afraid that they are going to stay together permanently because they don't want to admit that they were wrong and that all this was for nothing---that he gave up everything for nothing. And he is afraid that she is going to leave him. But her husband has told her in no uncertain terms that he will not take her back, which just pushes her on my WS more.

Good job in exposing. It is never a mistake. Her husband may say that he will never take her back, but they usually do.

What were the problems in the marriage before the affair?

He was aways at the Golf course with his friends drinking and I was busy with work and kids. Neither of us were really making a huge effort to go anywhere together by ourselves. I thought everything between us was fine. Sex was good, he always came home at night and the only place he went was the GC. We have a large group of friends that always go out together and he wouldn't let a weekend go by that we didn't go somewhere with these people. Well, thats when the affair started. We went to the beach with this couple and I later found out that the OW was rubbing my WS's leg and her husband's leg at the same time under the table. They have been talking on the phone and meeting since April. I also found out that he has cheated before but that it was a sex only thing--whereas this is very emotional. My head is telling me I should RUN and my heart still wants him. I've also been told that he has been using cocaine on and off. He was a good husband and father when he was there. But I don't know who he is right now.

I have asked the same question about saying I love you. My WH has said the same thing to me. Only mine won't initiate NC because OW went "fatal attraction" & threatened suicide. Her W/BH committed suicide at the gate of my WH's plant in March. WH & OW were co-workers until corporate found out. My WH blames himself for the suicide & says he doesn't want another one on his head if she does the same. BTW, for the record, OW went after my WH, asking him to her house to fix her A/C & jumping on him when he got there. She had been unhappy with her WH for a long time, said my WH looked like a man who knew how to please a woman, so she set her cap for him.

Advice given to me was to keep saying it, just not too often. Friends & family think I should divorce the jerk, but unfortunately, I still love him & have for 25 years. Can't turn it off like a faucet.

I would say I miss my real H. No ILYs for the WS because in reality, you didn't marry the WS he has become, right?

I noticed you mentioned he spends a lot of time at the GC. What does he do for fulfilling work?

Even in a lap of luxury that could get boring.

L.