I have been married for 6 years. I am 29 years old and I have a four year old. Plus, I have five months pregnant with our second child. When my son was 2 1/2 months old, my husband had a one night stand affair. A year later, he had another affair with his ex-wife. It happened a couple of times. Both times he admitted and said sorry. Another year later, he got drunk and had a one night stand with a co-worker. He did not admit it and I found out. Now, about two years later, he had another affair and is currently still in this affair. I immediately went and filed for divorce. I had enough. Each time I get to the point of trusting him and letting him do what he pleases without hounding him (where are you, when are you coming) questions, he seems to break my trust. I admit that when I get upset I throw the past back in his face and have said things like "Your not the one for me, why are we married, you don't make me happy." He said that this really hurt him and he just got to the point that if he can't make me happy then why be together. We have seen two counselors but they were good at listening but didn't really help us. This website gives so much more perspective on how to handle communication, infidelity, etc. He has never told me he wants a divorce but he is still with this women. He moved out and it has been about a month. I have tried reconciling and working on myself. I continue to be nice and asking him to stop his affair and come back home (Plan A). He told me he can't committment but to give him some time. He said he is really confused and doesn't want to lose his family. I tried Plan B and not contact him, then he contacts me asking what I am up to, etc. I told him that my hands are tied and that I must go through with this divorce. He is not trying or repentful. Just last night he finally talked to me. He said that this thing he has with this other women (co-worker at work who he sees regularly)is not all what I may think it is. He said that he will pay rent for one more month and we can try to talk and work on us. He said that he will see our church counselor at church in two weeks to get some clarity but has not come out again to say that this affair is over. I do love him and see God's children as He sees them. When we met he was everything I wanted and so good and decent. Am I hoping that one day he can be like that again? I've stay through 3 affairs trying. He says that his biggest problem is our communication (yes I swear and have hit him and angry outburst but look what I have gone through) and he can't handle that. Plus, he says that our sex life is not working for him. I was a virgin before I met him and he has been in lots of relationships.

As he said last night that he would be willing to work on us. He got served the papers and got upset of course. I felt bad and went to his place to talk to him about it. It was late and one thing lead to another and I pursued him and we ended up having sex, funny I know. Why should I feel upset though? He is the one cheating on me. I don't know if I am doing this as part of a competition with this other women. He says that it will end soon and she is not a decent women of course. I feel he is a sex addict and if I try again he will do it again even if things are perfect. I love my family and I do still love him but I am so scared to try too. It has been so hard and there have been more tears than smiles in this relationship. I have a Savior complex where I don't care about myself and willing to sacrifice my happiness for the sake of my children. I also have step children who are deeply affected by our separation and what is going on. I feel deep down if we both tried (which he stated that he is probably willing to again) that we could be happy like when we first met. But then I feel he has this inner weakness to have affairs with other women. Each time we go out, he doesn't pay attention usually to me but is always looking around seeing who is watching him or if women notices him. He is very attractive and likes the attention. His father was a big time womanizer too and his step dad was not a good influence in his life of out to treat women. If anyone could help that would be great. Not sure whether to stay or just move on!

Should I try again or go? multiple choice
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Welcome, Suzanne...to MarriageBuilders. Have you read "Surviving An Affair" by Dr. Harley? Plan A and Plan B are not what you've been doing that I can tell.

Plan A includes exposure...I don't see you mention that for any of his affairs.

Also, why do you choose to risk your own body to STD's? That is independent of his choices...that one is all yours. Did you both get STD testing after each of his A's?

One thing about moving on before you understand your half of the marriage is that this will repeat and repeat through out your relationships. Hard way to live. Please choose to research, learn and know...great way to heal, also, through understanding.

Surviving an Affair explains a lot about what you've been through and are going through right now. Not healing from the first infidelity...not going through the recovery steps, the way through to a new marriage...that nearly ensures repeated behaviors.

Please bust up this current affair...do your half of the marriage...learn where you throw away your power and ignore your limits...read, study and grow. I know you can do this.

You're not alone.

(And if you'd like more responses, please consider moving your post by cutting and pasting it to the Infidelity General Questions II forum...it gets a lot more traffic.)

LA

Thanks for the reply. Yes, his whole family knows and our children know too. My side of the famil knows. Certain people at work know and the whole town where we live knows and alot of people at church know about his infidelity.

I was tested for HIV back in June and it was negative but will request a full work-up during my third trimester with the baby.

I have posted a few posts on the general question page. My husband and I had a discussion tonight. I was very calm and collective. I spoke from my heart that I loved him and believed in him. I said that I would do whatever it takes to save the marraige. I asked him, "Do you want to be married to ME." He paused for awhile and stated that he just didn't want things to go back the way they were and we were not meeting each other's needs. I totally agreed and validated him. I asked again, either a yes or no. He said "yes" he wants to be married to me and knows it is the right thing to do. I asked him to end the affair tonight. To make a long story short, he said that he would speak to our religious leader at church for strength and will completely end the affair by Sunday. This is what I want so we can start repairing. However, there is one thing just ending the affair but he keeps repeating and repeating affairs. No, I don't have "surviving an affair" but will buy a copy. I just don't know if this can stop. He seemed really sincere and I sooo want to believe him. I guess it is up to our committment level if we will work things out or not.