I was preparing to wash some clothes when I found my husbands shorts with white, starchy stains on the outside of the zipper area and the inside of the zipper area.

I took a picture with my phone and sent the picture to him. I asked what the stuff was. He replied "dunno". I then sent him a text stating it "looks like powedered doNut to me. if it is I understand but I would not want to be played. I am not mad. I know it is not from me if you get my drift."

Funny thing is, I am not mad. I am hurt and betrayed. After dealing with these issues from my XH, it is like nothing surprises me anymore. We had marital problems in the past and I worked diligently on fixing them - attending IC and following the teachings here on MB.

I feel sick, I just want him to come home from work and tell me what he did, why, and when so I can help us to move on from here.

We had just started getting back on track. He was becoming more affectionate and fullfilling my needs while allowing me to fullfill his needs. I lost my baby weight- went from 135 to 117. I feel like I look hot, inside and out.

He has made comments here lately about how he did not want me to get back to lookin hot- even though he says I always looked good to him. Ironically the other day I made a comment about my cousin Shannon saying hi to him.

He freaked out and started asking me where she lived and why she would tell him hi since he does not know her. I explained everything. He then made a comment about me "snooping" on him again (part of our marital issues, I was always suspicious without reason). I asked why he would think that (I had not snooped...) He then asked me what I found.

I said well, no I am curious as to what you are talking about. He said tell me what you are talking about and I will tell you what I am talking about. I said I already told you everything.

It got heated and I got angry. I said "I am not the one who was text messaging another female. I am not the one screwing around behind your back, if that is what you are doing." He got mad and said "We'rer done." I said "Fine, go... tell her I said hi." He walked out to his truck and stood around for a bit. I began doing my homework.

He came back in, kissed me and said I looked pretty.

Who the heck is shannon and why in the heck did he get so mad when I discussed my cousin Shannon. I believe this person is the other party to the "stains." in question.

Plan B is out of the question since we are still living together and have no plans of seperating. are there any other options to get him to stop what he is doing for good?

Well, things did not go down as I hoped but as I expected when he got home from work. I did not hit him with everything until after he had sat down for a little bit and ate dinner.

Hwen he had walked in he saw me on the computer posting my message on MB and looked at me funny. I told him I was on MB, blah blah blah. He asked me how that was working out for me. I told him I guess its not working out all that good considering.

He asked what I meant. I said come with me. I showed him the shorts and asked him if he was cheating- I said I was not upset and would understand. I just wanted to know the truth.

He thne started laughing and swore he was not cheating- told me I analyze and put too much thought into everything. I then got angry and pointed at the pants. I said sternly how could I overanalyze cum stains on a pair of shorts when I know for a fact I was not a contributor to the stains!!! we have never had sex with your shorts on!!! He then said they had to come from him being with me since he was not cheating.

Why do cheaters not just say okay I am busted??? Why must they try to make us feel as stupid as possible? It is bad enough we are being played, but then to further make it worse deny the game? Talk about betrayal at its finest.

I told him I was going to send the pants off for DNA infidelity analysis. I found a company that would compare the sameple to my DNA and conclusivly say whether the staines had my DNA in them along with the semen. He said fine. I told him that if he would tell me the truth before I sent them off then we could work this thing out but if I find out he was cheating after I spend 250 dollars on a DNA test kit then it would be done and over with- no get back.

He said fine, but I was being silly since the stains were from me- he said "there's no telling how long those shorts have been in the dirty clothes." I said a week and a half at most. It still stand we did not have sex while you were wearing your work shorts.

He then tried to say he sometimes has sex with me in the middle of the night. I blew that idea out of the water by saying "So you wake up in the middle of the night, put on some work shorts just to have sex with me? OOOO-Kay." He said "Nawh, your getting confused."

I love their tactics. Full of the BS syndrome. I think it would be easier just to spill the beans. The problem is I am a rational person who loves and cares for her husband and would never cheat on him in any way shape or form.

Why do cheaters not admit they are having an affair after they know you know 100%????

Betrayed,

IMHO, you need to obtain more information before you can be absolutely sure that he is having an affair.

Does he have the opportunity? Like frequent absences with time unaccounted for.

How about his cell phone usage, do you have access?

What about the internet, do you have access to what he sends and recieves.

Have you considered a digital recorder in his car or gps?

You kinda tipped your hand prematurely, if he is having an A, he will now probably just work harder at keeping it a secret.

Please jump over to GQ and tell us a bit more of the circumstances like length of marriage, any kids etc.


Because what you found isn't absolute evidence as far as he is concerned. Do you have other reasons to believe he is cheating?

Who

bnb,
So sorry for the circumstances that brought you here. Please know that you are right to snoop. You obviously have reason to snoop (and had reason to do so in the past) and your H is being ridiculous. The reason WSs say what they do is because they operate in THE FOG all the time. And they tell lies because they can. My H kept telling me the lies time after time and I bought them until I found the proof to confront him and he couldn't lie anymore.

Check the cell phone records. Check the history on the computer. Check the email. Does he have a "myspace" page? (that's how I found out about his other email addresses--and yes, he had several.....myspace prompts you with the email addresses that have been used on that computer when you type a letter in username box....so I went through the alphabet!) Your H should have no problems with you snooping IF he has nothing to hide. Complete transparency!

Don't buy his lines. If he is involved with someone, find the proof you need. Read all the information on this website (emotional needs questionnaires, etc.). Do what you need to do. And then be prepared to take action when and if you find what you suspect.

Take care and pray for the strength and courage to make it through this difficult time.
SS

Well, I got the proof. I sent his shorts off for DNA testing (differential lysis). They seperate the sperm from the female cells that are always stripped away from the vaginal walls during sexual intercourse. I sent in a swab od my saliva for comparative testing against the feamle cells. The test results were that the dna did not match.

He denys it although he says he no longer has any defense. He wants me to believe he did not cheat although a dna test proved he did.

I have another thread in general questions II outlining the results and what is going on now. The thread is called "busted but not admitting.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...ID=#Post3290541

Thank you for talking with me. I do not know what to do from here.