Nearly D'd. Last minute arrangements - settlement agreement, etc. being redrafted. I'm moving in a week and a half, things are in motion. Son leaving for Freshman year in college soon. Major changes.
Our little dog Pogen will be put to sleep today. She is in rapid decline. Her whole body is filled with fluid. DS asked me to see whether the vet could help by draining the fluid, so I drove her over there yesterday.
Vet told me "Now is the time." Oh, and *sob* get this: He said his WIFE just died of cancer. His WIFE. And that he watched her suffer for about 5 months. And how they talked together about, how if she were only an animal, they could spare her the agony. She was all swollen up, he said, just like our dog. And that we should not wait, that we need to think about the animal, not about our own feelings.
I told him DS needs a chance to say goodbye to his beloved pet, who has been with him since kindergarten. DS makes up and writes stories centered around Pogen and his friends and their pets. (Mind you, he is a very young and sweet 18 yr old.)
so I phoned DS and asked him to come home and why (he was at a friends' house) and he began crying right then and there. He came home, took Pogen up onto his lap, and sobbed without stopping.
I left him alone with his grief for awhile, then went in and sat next to him and put my arm around his shoulders. He was sweating and rocking himself.
He kept repeating "Are you sure? Are you sure there isn't any other way?" And I let him ask, and repeated what the vet said. And he asked again, several times. He just had to go through it, process it.
He cancelled his evening plans.
Finally he called his Dad at work. (Funny, though it crossed my mind to call him, it was the kind of thing a wife does with a husband; and I have felt so divorced from him for so many years.)
Then when I told DS I would make him either veal or steak for dinner, he said "Could you make both, so Pogen can have some?" *Of course.* I mean what the heck, it was her last meal. So I went to Whole Paycheck and got one veal cutlet and one New York steak, and other stuff.
Came home and STBXH is on front porch. Pogen all happy, wagging her tail, waddling on front lawn and piddling on the grass. I asked him would he like to have dinner with us - he accepted.
I don't eat meat usually, so the two of them fed Pogen off their plates. I reminded them not to overfeed her. Last night was supposed to be a treat, and if she ate too much, she might barf, and that would remove all the happy feelings she was having.
I left them alone while cooking, and cleaning up, because I want DS to glean whatever good he can from his father. He did perk up as the night went on. At least his dad and I can be polite and not add our own drama to his grief.
After STBXH had the raspberries (his fave fruit) for dessert he left. I walked out with him. As usual since starting his EA, he avoided my eyes. I wondered whether the OW had phoned him while he was with us. At any rate, he didn't go and hide in the bathroom like he used to do when she texted or phoned him. At least he had the sense if she did not to respond.
I told him "I think you really helped DS a lot by coming over." He thanked me but dismissed my observation.
Oh, and Big One! He asked DS if he would like him to be there with us at the Vet's office for the procedure. DS said he would. I am so appreciative of him thinking of that, and being willing to do it. So thankful, for the sake of our DS.
That evening DS told me it was really painful going through this, and at the same time, he was grateful for feeling the pain of the loss. He understands that it signals the depth of their mutual devotion. He said several times that no matter what kind of a bad day he ever had, she was always there for him and made him feel better. He pointed out that her picture was on his Fave center.
I asked "what about me?" He wiggled his hand. Imagine; I'm second to his dog. I guess he's on his way to independence.
*sigh* so hard to say goodbye.
Thanks for listening.
