Well Gang, I really and finally did it. Friday at 09:00 I was at lawyers and signed all four copies of the divorce decree.<P>The affair was a wake up call for me to get involved in my marriage. Unfortunately it seems I was too late. I was too busy with other "more important" things. What a d!ck I am, was. Now I'm paying for it dearly. Hindsight IS 20/20. <P>I hope that seeing the divorce papers will be a wake up call for W to see what she is doing to us. Maybe a shock to reality, maybe not. I can only hope. Either way nine chances out of ten I'll still wake up tomorrow.<P>I just don't understand how some of you guys can wait for your spouse to come back from the fantasy. It's been 7 months of separation for us and I drive myself nuts. It's the only thing on my mind. Keep going over the last 11 years. Get that I have to talk to her feeling and always say something that makes the situation worse.<P>Just wanted to give an update. These days I feel very alone and consider you all my friends.<P>Wishing us all the best,<P>Medic

Gosh Medic,<BR>I am so sorry your situation has come to this juncture. Just know that whatever happens it WILL be a movement forward to a better you. My thoughts and prayers are with you.<P>Beth

I'm sorry medic,<P>I re-read your profile before replying, and you have been very much like my H, except he was the one who immediatly moved out upon discovery. He came back (THANKFULLY) but it hasn't been easy. I did end it, and it was very short to begin with, but I have to see the OM daily, which is hell. My H struggles EACH AND EVERY DAY with the "whys". He's a lot like you, spent years working and basically ignoring my needs (which he admits now) because he thought he was doing the best thing for his family. You were trying, you just missed a little something - she needed you. Your W hit the end of her rope ad made a horrible mistake. Too bad she can't see it for what it is. That's what my H and I have had to do. It takes a lot of effort to think about EACH OTHER instead of all the needs of the family. We are still struggling with it. <P>BUT - There is always hope if you still love her. Whether you can see it or not, she will realize what she's lost. One day. It's just that waiting that you talk about. How long is long enough??<P>Again, I am so sorry you're going through this. <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Medic,<P>I sam so sorry too.. I am on my way to the paper work very shortly... my ex left me for another.. andnit is by far, the hardest and most painful I have had to endure.. I can not imagine what the days of lawyer talk, and signing will feel like.. For me it has been almost 11 mths.. of seperation.. I did all I could think of, do or say, to try and work things out.. I have given up as well, on a person who can`t see past his self indulgences... <P>I hope one day your wife does come around and re-think what she has done to you.. so many it seems has no clue to their lifes distructions, to their once significant others... and how they`ve crushed us.. into a million little peices, that we now have to mend and put back together our selves... <P>you are in my thoughts medic...<BR>AV

Medic-<P>Hi, its me, ?. I know how you feel. I too, have been served those dreaded papers. Meeting with atty next week.<BR>As hard as this is, you will make it. Are you going to Plan B. I think you should. Send her one final letter, stating that you love her, and play it out. <BR>I wish I could say the words to take all your pain away. All I know, is is will get better. I don't know if you are a believer in God or not, but knowing that He is in charge of my life has helped me enormously. <BR>You wife is lost right now. You understand that you made mistakes in your life. You are growing. You wife is mixed up in something she doesn't know how to get out of. You need to let her go, and let her find. <BR>In the mean time, you need to find you. You need to look inside yourself and find the happiness that lies there.<BR>I have been following your posts, and I must say that you have a GREAT sense of humor, admist ALL of this. Let that humor help you through this.<BR>Saying a prayer for you. You are in my thoughts.<P>God Bless<P><p>[This message has been edited by butiloveu (edited October 10, 1999).]

medic, I definitely feel your pain. I am following your situation with a personal vested interest. I am moving to plan B, this week (almost 4 months affair). I hope this is the start of some life altering decisions and actions on both of our parts. I am moving on also, just like you. Will probably push divorce sometime within 3-6 months of plan B. I just don't see any reason for waiting much longer than that in my case.

Medic,<P>I feel so bad for you...<P>Try to consider Plan B... It should be much easier with the papers signed to execute it. <BR>I could be in you shoes too.. if I had just pushed a little harder... My Property Settlement Agreement is probably 90% in place... but I am just putting an indefinite hold on it! Thank God my W isn't pushing now.<P>It is so hard... when there are no signs coming from your spouse.<P>I'm praying for you...<P>Jim<P>--------------------<BR>I can dare myself... I'll put a pebble in my shoe...<BR>I can walk... I can walk! I shall call the pebble Dare...<BR>Dare shall be carried... And when we both have had enough<BR>I will take him from my shoe, singing... "Meet your new road!"...<BR>Finally glad... Finally glad... That you are here... By my side...

Medic, I can only wish you the best. I know that those words don't mean much when you are in pain, but the feeling behind them is genuine. My W and I are at a new and scary part of our relationship. I know the pain that you felt. Take care of yourself.<P>------------------<BR><BR>That Which does not kill us makes us stronger.<BR>

Thanks for all the kind words and thoughts. This was probably the worse weekend of my life. <P>Spoke to W, shes mad that I started the divorce proceedings. She says she talked to a lawyer friend who said it can't be stopped. ?????????? That we would have to get remarried. ?????????? I just don't get it. Is she playing games with me or is she that confused.<P>I'll keep you guys posted.<P>Wishing us all the best<P>Medic<P>