Hi Everyone:<BR>I just wanted to say that it would be really nice to respond in some way when a member replys to your posts. We all are here to help one another and it takes time to read someone elses post and respond. It would only be common curtisy to respond, even if it's a two word answer..thank you. I understand that everyone is busy or at times and are not on the posts all the time, but, sometime along the way, please try to think about the people that took the time out to answer your very important questions that you needed help from us with a response. There are too many times that I have taken time out to try and help others by replying and I never got a response of any kind. So please be considerate and think of the members who responded to your plea for help. We are all here for the same thing. Thanks!

Couldn't have said it better myself!<P>I have often felt a bit slighted when that happened. Maybe it's my overly-emotional state, but it's happened more than I'd care to admit.<P>Thanks Katya for expressing how I've felt too... <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Katya,<BR>I have often thought that, perhaps at the registration section of this forum, along with the rules,there should be some basic etiquette on posting & responding. You know, don't type in CAPS and so on. But acknowledging each responder would be #1. <BR> <BR>I agree, it is extremely dishheartening to take the time to respond to a plea for help or request for suggestions, only to have your entire reply ignored. Any response would be satisfactory,,,"thanks for the suggestions,,,,,that wouldn't work because,, I've tried that,,I appreciate the shoulder,, that info was great and I'll try that,, I don't think you understand this situation,,," Any comment,,, just to acknowledge a person that took time to read, respond, and care.<P>Thanks for bringing this to everyone's attention. Perhaps this will help.

Katya,<P>Hey, in principle I agree with what you said. However, sometimes it's just impossible -- time constraints or the length of the thead or whatever.<P>Yes it would be great to get responses, but we all shouldn't feel bad just cuz someone doesn't acknowledge us. I know I haven't been acknowledged in the past, and I also know that I haven't acknowledged everyone that's responded to me (sorry to anyone that felt slighted, btw).<P>--andy

Dear Airheart:<BR>That's what I mean...time restraints? If you can go on and respond to someone, then you can at least respond with an o.k, or thanks or don't agree. I'm not saying to write a whole page, but, to at least respond in some way. I'm glad that it doesn't bother you, but, I take the time out to respond to people especially when they are in deep need of opinions or advice asap...it's only out of respect and politeness that one acknowledges that they read your answer and appreciate that anyone even responded. <P>Dear Nerlycrazy,<BR>Well, I'm glad I am not the only one that wants at least some type of response. Obviously you know what I am saying.<P>New beginning:<BR>As of many of my examples: "thank you" for responding.<P>I don't know, I guess it's just manners. You know there has never been a time where I did not respond to someone with something even one word...o.k.

Hiya. I have to agree that at least a quick reply is called for. I assume that everyone who is posting needs this site like I do. Sure, I have lots of friends in "the real world", but I'm here because this site is specific to a place in my life that isn't very pretty and doesn't make for light banter with friends. Some of my friends are great at giving me feedback and encouragement, but if they haven't experienced this particular valley of the shadow, they just can't help that much. You, who respond and give loving support, understand what this 'dark place' is and can truly help. Therefore, I owe you all at least a 'thanks for the input'. Thats my nickel's worth. <P>------------------<BR>When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. Isaiah 43:2<P><BR>

Katya<BR>I must agree with you.<BR>I know that there has been the odd occasion that I have been so depressed that I have not been able to respond. But in general I think it is only decent to at least recognize someone who has taken the time to respond to your post.<BR>What surprises me is that sometimes people are upset that no one responds to their thread yet they only choose to recognize certain people who do. <BR>If we make a point of trying to help and then we are ignored while the person three posts down is recognized will we feel comfortable posting to that person again?

I would agree. One of the frustrations of posting in the first place is not knowing if anyone will take time to express any caring thought. It seems to be the right thing to say something about any response we do get. <P>I've felt at times like an outsider trying to break into an already tight bond between some of you. That's ok. It just means that if we are not accepted or acknowledge we will move on. It's pretty much the same kind of thing we're experiencing in our marriages, isn't it?<P>------------------<BR>7Habits (Dane)<BR>"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them." Einstein.<BR>

This thread provoked some thoughts for me.<P>I usually do a generic "thanks for your responses." Or "you all are so great", other times I have listed "Thanks X, XX, & XXX" Is that Okay, not okay?<P>I respond on a lot of threads. I don't expect an acknowledgement each time. The less someone wants to hear what I've said the less they acknowledge. ie me on separation "a man who moves out of his house does not have his marriage as a priority." Nobody wants to hear that, even when the spouse has already said it.<P>Personally, I can use posting on threads of others, without receiving responses, as a practice in unconditional giving and low expectations--something I'm in dire need of practicing my marriage. <P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P><BR>

I try to respond when I get responses hopefully I have everytime, If I didn't I'm sorry meant to but got interrupted. And in my state of mind, my memory isn't so good. I start to write something and can't remeber what I want to say sometimes. But I agree with 7 Habits, I feel it hard to break in here. Sometimes I feel so frustrated after I have posted and only get a response or two. I know what I'm saying or asking is something you have read many times butit is all new to me. I always appreciate anything that you all say. It gives me a little hope . It is so nice to have people who understand what I am going through. Even going to a counselor doesn't really help because they haven't been throught this. Sorry this is the thread for this Forgive my beefin it has been a lousy weekend and I've been very depressed for some reason this weekend. <P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Katya, I also believe that responding is beneficial to our posts. The responses that we give can help others to see even clearer what we are going through. I think that we develope a repor with one another if we can have these mini conversations. Through this we can build trust in eachother and even friendship. Just my humble opinion.<P>------------------<BR><BR>That Which does not kill us makes us stronger.<BR>

Katya - I'm also in total agreement with what you say.<P>What I try to do on threads that I start is this. At least once a day (if I can get online - if I'm traveling, can't always do this), I read all the responses to my post and then try to answer each one in reverse order by name. I'm sure in the haste of the day (I do a lot of my posting from work and when my boss drops by my cube, it's sayonara MBF!) I miss a few. But I think the important thing is to TRY and respond to everyone. But hey, I keep posting away regardless of whether someone names me or not, if I find something worthy or interesting to say to that person. <P>I also give priority to responding to threads started by people who respond to threads started by me (think everyone probably does this consciously or unconsciously).<P>Just some thoughts. Good thread. R & B,<P>--Wex

Lor:<BR>I will use your generic "Thank you to all" for responding. After all, there is nothing wrong with the generic thanks. All is acknowledged. But, I would have to agree with "Robilar" because we can build trust and friendship when we do respond person to person. I have developed many friendships. Yes, "7 Habits", I still feel the same way when I am "breaking in", but not as much. I've been around since August. Once you break in, your in especially if you have your nickels worth to put in (thanks Liz Smith) although it was more than a nickels' worth. I also agree with you "Wasstubborn" for the fact that some people only respond to certain people. No, I usually won't post to those members anymore unless the posts are on mine.<BR>To SDS: thanks for your input...we wouldn't have known that you appreciated it if you didn't post it...so thanks for letting us know you appreciate our inputs.

Guilty...<P>I probably spend 6-8 times as much time reading as I do responding. I know the kids hanging on me can wait a little longer. I know I don't prioritize as well as I should.<P>Everyone here keeps everyone else <B>sane</B>. Without everyone contributing, we will simply drain the "experts"... and then no one will be left.<P>True healing comes from not just "listening in"... but responding... that's when you really put your noodle in gear... really evaluate the complexities of your own life.<P>I thank God, there are people (present day saints and some martyrs too) like you who show me and others that YES... there is a hard path ahead... but it is worth it!<P>I'll try to share more too!<P>Jim<P>------------------------<BR>I can dare myself... I'll put a pebble in my shoe...<BR>I can walk... I can walk! I shall call the pebble Dare...<BR>Dare shall be carried... And when we both have had enough<BR>I will take him from my shoe, singing... "Meet your new road!"...<BR>Finally glad... Finally glad... That you are here... By my side...

Okay, firstly I wanna go on record to say that it is definitely a good idea to respond to people who post to your thread. And if at all possible, everyone should endeavor to do just that.<P>However... don't you want to have a response that <B>means</B> something? I'd rather not have a response at all than to get something that was just tossed off just to acknowledge my existence. It means nothing to me. I guess I'm the odd man out on this thread... <P>And yes Katya, there <B>are</B> time constraints are involved! Let's say I start a thread and it gets 40 something responses (this actually happened to me). So do I actually acknowledge every single response? That's just not possible. Isn't a "thanks everyone for responding" good enough?<P>oh well... just my .02<BR>--andy<p>[This message has been edited by airheart (edited October 11, 1999).]

Wexwill: Just wanted to say "thanks" for your response. But also...Are you o.k. now? I read your post when you were drinking...wow! Hope things are better????<BR>NSR: thanks for your honesty. That's the thing.."try" just like you said. I know we all have a zillion things to do and don't always keep up, but, there have been too many times that I get nothing. Even when there is a post and noone even got on it but me. I did not even get a reply at all. That has happenned many times.<BR>Airheart: You know, it's not such a big deal or issue. All I am saying is basically like NSR and everybody, TRY. I know it doesn't matter to you, but, not everybody is you. To some of us, it does matter to get a response.Like I said, we take the time, sometimes alot of time, to respond to some of the posts that are pleading for help or they will die (I'm exaggerating, but you know what I mean). Like I have said earlier, yeah, that is only common sense that if you got 40 threads, you cannot respond to all. I think everybody understands that. I'm talking about a few here or there. Yes, there is nothing wrong with a general thank you. At least we are recognized that you read our post. But, whatever...like I said and everyone else...thanks.

Thanks for the reminder, Katya! Sometimes I get confused about what to do when there are lots of reponses but only a few ask a question or call for a return response. So I say "Thanks to all" and then respond specifically to those that ask a question or follow-up. Does this mean I don't value the other responses? Not at all!!! But responding to every person individually when several people have made the same point would just take up space on the forum and be tedious for others to read. <P>A bit of honesty here -- I frequently check out the forum from work. But I do it quickly, hoping no one is looking over my shoulder (cube city). I'm too paranoid to try to type a response while I'm sitting at my desk. Especially if I have a post out there that's critical, I might be checking and reading all day. But I won't respond until nighttime after the kids are in bed. I'll try to at least say something like "Thanks and I'll write more later" when this happens. <P>It's an awkward kind of dialog that takes place when people are checking in when they can. Sometimes its like a chat, other times its more like surface mail to china! So expecting the normal etiquette of a conversation probably is too much to ask for. <P>Another thought. Sometimes when I just post an update or something I'll put "no replies necessary". I know you guys are out there reading and I know your thoughts and good wishes are with me. I try to let people know when I really need a response, even if its just words of support, and when it really isn't necessary. It gets overwhelming trying to respond to everyone and everything.

andy - disagree somewhat with you. I would rather have even a quick response than no response. At least it acknowledges your existence. I was raised to place a great stress on politeness, not an easy thing in today's world. Used to get a lot more "tweaked" by rudeness than I do now. I know there are different standards. I think midwesterners like myself always tend to find people in the N.E. rude just because most of us were raised to "be polite." That is to say and do things for other people even if we don't really feel like it. You can go too far in this direction too, but I have to say I prefer this to not far enough. Well, don't get me started. I could write a whole essay on the subject. But I think that's really what Katya's thread is about.<P>--Wex

Katya,<P>Everyone has been so kind to me here. I feel guilty because I don't respond to others with much because I feel I'm no position to give advice at this time.<P>I am always very grateful for everyone's time and responses. I know everyone is very busy. In the future I hope I give back more.

Dear Wexwill:<BR>Ahhh, you know me so well!!! You are absolutely right. I was raised the same way as you were. Thanks.<BR>Animac: You don't have to post to everyone if you have a zillion responses, but, a general thank-you will do.<BR>Hummingbird: Thanks for recognizing about ettiquette.<BR>Just what I said and Wexwill, at least "try".