I think alot about sharing some of the thoughts out here w W. There is so much to see here I think would make her think? At this stage in our seperation (papers came last sat.) seems everthing I do torks her. Still it seems reasonable to let her know how devestating it is to cheat and blame shift. I'm not perfect by a long shot and I can even accept the I left her vulnerable by working too much and being emotionally unavailable sometimes. Is this just a nice way of saying I'm trying to shame/guilt trip her or might she see herself and maybe reconsider? Thoughts anybody?

Pablo - I've wondered the same thing. There are so many things I would like my H to think about. But for me it's not so much how much hurt he's caused, but there are second chances and happy endings after the dust settles if you're willing to work at it. I haven't had the nerve yet though, haven't seen him either, which could have something to do with it. It may not have the desired effect, but it might just plant a seed if she sees it from another point of view besides yours. You think???<P>Lori

I did print freedoms story and i plan on sending it to H. I think what he said says it all. I also hope that if H ever does come home he will find this site as helpful to him as it has been to me.

Pablo,<BR>What she fails to understand that the OM is as human as you are. Once his little idiosyncracies come to the surface, she will begin to feel the same way about him. It would be good if she were able to OBJECTIVELY look at the things posted on this website. However, she is in fantasy land because she is in the euphoric state that is centered around emotions which are always temporary. We need to see the TRUTH and not the fantasy that we paint in our heads. Right now she wants to feel good (the hedonistic part of our personlaities). <P>You have to treat her with kindness as we are told in the Bible. It is like heaping hot coals on her head. You will deposit love units in her love bank and maybe you will be able to reconcile. Don't give up hope. I will pray for you and your family.<P>------------------<BR>God Bless,<BR>Rob<P><BR>

lostva, that would be wonderfull if thats how it worked out. Feeling a bit on the desperate side today. afraid to create more issues but being too understanding causes it's own set of problems. Ever feel like your in a vice and every time you move it gets a little tighter? Crazy, thought about that too. lean towards the OM post yesterday. Lots of good feed back from the group on that one. Professorg, tx for reinforcing the kinder genler side, and for the prayers. Nothing like a lota love to melt away that fantasy, I hope. Thanks all feeling a bit more hopefull

Just wanted to assure you I understand those feelings of desperation (I've been having them today). And the comments about add'l issues creating complexity, but understanding has its own set of problems. I'm stressed right now (I asked H to leave 9 days ago after discovering an internet international affair - including a 2 1/2 year old kid). All his stuff is still here and he is coming by regularly so we can talk. Since we met on the 17th of the month, every 17th for 5 years we exchange letters. I found out about OW since our last letter exchange. So I tore up the letter I had started. This one is really short. Its a list of my emotional needs.

Robertaminneapolis, I feel for you your going through alot right now. You have a lot of inner strength to face this. Keep your chin up and tx for the words of support