It's driving me nuts thinking how could she cheat on me. I can't get it out of my head.....

hi Brian....when did you find out?

Did she give you the answer?

I had suspected the affair with an 18yr old (she's 37) that I had taken off the streets(from a distant family member)....I finally got the truth last Sunday 7/29...I'm going nuts in my head.

She wasn't/isn't attracted to me...she had an animal like attraction to OM (Kid)

Did you get him out of your house? Has she ended all contact?

YES!

The day I found out....His family is pizzed at him too...He moved to FLorida with some other relatives...(I live in Pennsylvania).....I have talked to him and he seems ok with NC with my wife...at first that pizzed her off...because she wanted "Closure" and to say she was sorry. I told her NO!

Then I figured I could tell the punk and he'd listen...He agreed he's done and is sorry....He also agreed to tell me if she tried to call or text him. She is aware of this and texted him a nasty text about what a POS she thinks he is for not talking to her.....Then a few minutes later she told me she did this....while she was talking to me on the phone he called me to tell me she did this...She knows now that I'll find out. She has vowed to have no more text or attempted calls to him.

Brian....the answer to "How could she" is selfishness and a very inappropriate sense of entitlement, pure and simple.

There is no answer she can or will give you that will make it hurt less.

Hang around here with us.

Inside I know what you mean...I am thankful I found this site...NEVER thouhgt I'd be here.

Then I figured I could tell the punk and he'd listen...He agreed he's done and is sorry....He also agreed to tell me if she tried to call or text him. She is aware of this and texted him a nasty text about what a POS she thinks he is for not talking to her.....Then a few minutes later she told me she did this....while she was talking to me on the phone he called me to tell me she did this...She knows now that I'll find out.

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is this her first affair?

her irrational, teen-age like behavior makes me wonder if she has a history of this type of behavior.

or perhaps a mid-life crisis?

btw...her answer was an excuse for her bad decision not the reason why/how she could betray you.

sorry for your pain.

Brian, I am a little creeped out that she sees a BOY in a romantic light. This is a TEENAGE BOY. She is old enough to be his momma. Honestly, I would speak to her about getting into counseling to find out why she is attracted to teenage boys.

First that I know of she has always been attracted to younger guys...Had I known to what extent of couse I would have not allowed him in. I am leaning more toward mid life stuff....she's been working out and trying to look better..(though I feel she has always looked AWESOME!

My wife was the last person I would have ever thought could do this..She is the strong, grounded and stable person in our relationship most times.

Brian, I am a little creeped out that she sees a BOY in a romantic light. This is a TEENAGE BOY. She is old enough to be his momma. Honestly, I would speak to her about getting into counseling to find out why she is attracted to teenage boys.

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this is good advice.

why she was attracted, seems obvious..........men have been attracted to younger women forever.....and society has not chastised them for it......right now, there is a lot of talk about older women w/ younger men.............but, a teen-ager is way too young.

Brian,

The way to get over the hurt is to rebuild your marriage by using the tools and methods found on this site...and time, lots of time.

I suggest you read Surviving AN Affair by Dr Harley. You can get it from this site or a host of other sources. The copy I read was at my local library.

Read the Q & A columns related to infidelity if you haven't already done so. >>> Click Here <<<

While I am a little freaked out myself about this guy's age, I am more concerned with helping you to save your marriage. You can get lots of help in that regard here. Considering the circumstances, this is a very good place to be. You will find many who have BTDT around here, so much of the advice comes from experience but you should do the research too and learn from what Dr Harley has to say.

I am assuming you have read the Basic Concepts. If not >>> Read this <<<

Mark

You've got t/d some reading and mediating. Both of you should. If she won't you start. Here are some suggestions:

1. Read the concepts section above.
2. Read SAA (Surviving an Affair) and HNHN (His Needs/Her Needs) both are by Harley.

3. Take the EN questionnaire. Ask your W t/d also. If she won't you take it a 2nd time as her.

4. Call Jennifer C @ MB for some phone counseling or find an MC in your area who can help you with a recovery plan. It w/b good if that MC is familar with MB concepts.

That's for starters. Keep posting we can help.

Btw, what is she willing t/d to help you get over this? Don't expect overnight results. This stuff will take time. You have t/b ready for the long haul.

Notice how she was angry at the OM for 'betraying her'? More than likely she was the agressive one in the A. This means she has to get over that selfish virus before she can heal. She may require 1 on 1 IC for herself as well.

L.