There is little to say. I asked him to see work emails and found evidence in his deleted correspondence.

He admits there never was NC.

We are supposed to be on a plane for the East Coast tonight for 2 weeks' vacation. I think we are still going.

Have asked for an emergency appointment with Steve for next week for H, don't know if I will attend or not.

I know. You told me so.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" /> {{{{{{{{{{{(((((((IN LIMBO LAND))))))))))}}}}}}}}} <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

Soooo sorry. How can I help. We are praying for you.



Not sure what this means, but don't worry about that right now. WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU>>>>>>>NOW!

Ace

I_L_L,

Praying for you...

Mark

Acey, Mark,

Thank you. I have no one to call on but God.

In Limbo....

First off.....*big hug*

Secondly....how long do you want to be in limbo land?

I think it's time for you to decide what you are willing to accept for yourself, your life, your happiness.

You need boundaries. It also sounds like you need plan B.

I'm sooooo sorry.

By you staying in this situation, letting your H walk all over your emotions and feelings, you'll stay there. Your H is too weak right now to know what is best for you, much less him.

Start making decisions for yourself. Don't wait for him too. Sounds like he's gonna cake walk til the cows come home.

Tell him you're done being treated so disrespectfully and that you don't have any intentions on letting him continue to make you unhappy.

Get you courage and stand up to him. This is nuts. Only YOU can put an end to your unhappiness.

Limbo,

I gave my H an ultimatum the night (actually 2 hours) before we were supposed to leave for a 10 day vacation. He begged for strike 5 to prove he could go NC cold turkey but I was determined to cancel the entire trip.

Because I had already contacted an aging friend to say we would visit, I gave him the 10 days and he proved he could do it...and has continued to do so since we got back. (If I had not called her, we would be separated and possibly divorced by now.)

I know our sitchs are different, but maybe it is a good thing to go on vacation and try to get the time to talk that you need. At any rate, Mopey is right.....you should make your plan and stand by it regardless of his fogginess.

WE ARE SO SORRY but we'll continue to pray for you.

Ace

Well that is one sure supporter. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

You also have us.

Here's my addy: **edit**

Can send you my cell # if needed.

Have a safe trip. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

Hey Limbo,

I emailed my cell...hope you got it. I have Orchid's too....so if you need to vent, we are both here...anytime.

Our prayers go with you. You can do this. Hope you get the emergency phone session with SH for your H.

Keep us posted.

Ace

Thanks Mopey, Acey, Orchid......

Headed to the airport. Will check in tomorrow night, Ihope.

Just bumping for ILL.

If WS's only realised that they would recover with NC. It's very sad.

(((ILL)))

How's it going, Limbo? I know you said you'd check in tonight, but I wanted you to know I'm praying for you.

Big K even bumped your thread while I was sleeping...thanks Big K.



Don't ya wish there was a 'fog-seeder' for WS fog? ( Do they even have fog seeder or maybe I'm mistaking the procedure they use to seed clouds to create snow for ski mountains.)
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

At any rate, you're right BK, it is sad. And thanks for taking the night shift for Limbo's thread while she's on vacation. Some good will come out of this somehow.

Acey

WE just got to our hotel after a night flight and a long drive.

We drove past the apartments in Virginia where we spent our happiest years, showed DS 23 where he lived as a baby, showed the boys where H went to med school.

And drove to the beautiful Blue Ridge. I can't "see" any of it. Every thing we see together is just something he's going to report in some passionate and romantic communication with OW.

What talking we did yesterday, he did seem to have some insight and remorse, acknowledged that maybe he is addicted.

I am sick, sick, sick.

ANd operating on very little sleep.

I think the infidelity diet may be going to kick in again, too.

I've been praying for you Limbo. Glad you have arrived. Take care of yourself. He is with you now, sso maybe you can make the best of it. Since you can't plan B (if you're so inclined) until you get back, maybe you can Plan A like crazy.

If he finally realizes he's addicted, his medical background might help him see that he needs help.

At any rate, keep the lid on love busters, Plan A and take care to get some sleep and healthy food.

We're here for you.

Ace

Oh, ((((((((Limbo)))))))

I'm so sorry.

I can't believe it. It seemed like it was going so well. You're in my prayers.

-AmI.

I have not been able to avoid the LBs. Who would? I am no saint.

I did tell him the other day that I was not sure we could continue to live in our community.

He said last night that he is willing to talk about a move.

He has a huge local practice. We can't go to Walmart without running into half a dozen patients. Heck, we can't go to something an hour away without running into patients.

And we are not young.

So that he his willing to talk about this gives me a little hope.

Meanwhile, he is angry and defensive, but denies being so; professes he has never ever operated out of a sense of entitlement, yet cannot give any answer as to how and why he could be so entrenched in his lies.

I am waiting to hear from the MB office about an appointment.

I'm glad you're trying to get an appointment. Since SH knows you guys and what you've been doing, he'll have a good strategy for you. Moving sure sounds like a good idea at this point.

Be strong, girl. Wow, I can't even imagine how tough this vacation is for you right now. Do your kids know about the A? Wonder how it would go to fill them in on the new sitch? What about other IRL support network folks -- are there any of them out where you are? (MB is great, but sometimes it helps to have an actual shoulder to cry on).

I'm sending you all the thoughts and hugs and support and prayers and everything I can. Wish I could do more.

-AmI.

YOU can.

Pay close attention to your own limitations here and your own sense of entitlement.

I DO understand feeling entitled to hurt someone who has harmed you. I find that when I completely lack the desire to protect others from my own LB's, it is usually a result of feeling NOT OKAY with a situation that I feel is beyond my control and frustration with myself for allowing it to continue - sort of like an unhealthy substitute for boundary-setting.

The LB's do not change someone else's choice and they don't protect you. In fact, it usually makes me feel worse.

Of course you are human and I know that the situation is very painful. You can make decisions regarding what circumstances you are unable to maintain your composure and remove yourself from them. Part of self-control is knowing when you are unable to practice it.

I can relate to your situation and pain.

I had at least 3 D-DAYS, one, very hurtfully, after what I thought was a romantic vacation across the country. When we came back, he got with her the very next day. It was a very UGLY SCENE on that particular D-DAY.

Now, we are very happily recovered, 4 years, in September.

We are a long-married couple, too. Believe me, the OW won't take HIS MEMORIES of your past with each other and he DOES NOT, WILL NOT talk about THOSE TIMES with her. Their R is of the PRESENT.

It takes awhile for them to breakoff given the ADDICTIVENESS of the affair and there has to be absolutely NO CONTACT or it resumes sometimes even stronger after a BREAKUP.

Did your WH do a NC LETTER? Also, EXTREME PRECAUTIONS are necessary..yes, like moving. We are in the process of trying to arrange a MOVE.

I attribute my/our coaching with SH to be one of the major factors contributing to our recovery but it has been a long hard road.

Just letting you know that your situation is not unique.

(((LIMBO)))

((((((({{{{{{{LIMBO)))))))}}}}}}}}

When I CHOSE to go on our vacation after D-Day #4, I CHOSE to not LB.....that's the MB book we were reading at the time it happened.

HOW?

My goal was to see if our M could continue after we got back. LB's would sabotage that process.

If I had blasted him all the time (I did lose it a time or two), he might have lost interest in continuing, too.

PICTURE yourself a time machine looking back on these two weeks. Do/did you want your marriage? Did your actions line up with that goal?

LIMBO, the fact that he wants to think about moving IS a good sign. I know I said the same thing after D-Day #3.....3 strikes, you're out, we're done if there's a D-Day #4. And I meant it.

But that vacation was the extension to give him probation....and it saved our marriage.

Please read Froz's and Ami's and Mimi's posts over and over, Limbo. You can do this.

I'm praying for you...I've walked in your shoes....(well not with 3 kids in tow...) but you know what I mean.

{{{{{{{{LIMBO's FAMILY}}}}}}}}}}}

Acey

This is EXCELLENT!

I think I'll even write it down.

What an effective method to avoid a negative self-fulfilling prophecy!!!

So often people, myself included, use methods to resolve something with actions that bring about the very outcome they are trying to avoid.

Your suggested method offers a way to be conscious and cognitive of searching for a healthier and more productive way of achieving a means.

THANKS!