I'm new here and not really sure where to post this. It's an odd problem I think. My husband and I have been married for 8 years and have 5 kids. When I was about 6 months pregnant for the first time another woman came up who was 8 months pregnant. It was before my hubby and I were together, and a one time thing, so as upsetting as it was, we worked through it and have had some contact with the child. I am friendly with the mother, while H has no contact with her. So H was leaving for Iraq for the second time and we took the kids to a theme park where we ran into his ex-fiance, who we found out has his 11 year old son. She had told him when she got pregnant that it wasn't his and broke off contact. So he never questioned. The mother of this child is being friendly with me, and I am returning the friendliness, but my heart isn't in it. I don't want to deal with this. I don't want to take care of another child that isn't mine. I feel incredibly selfish and angry. And I'm angry at H for having all these things that pop up and intrude on our life. When I asked him if this was it or if there was anyone else, he said he didn't know. I can't really talk to him, because he's gone now, and I don't want to upset him because of the stress he's already under going to Iraq. So I'm left with no one to talk to and I'm getting angrier instead of working through my feelings. I guess I just want to know how I can figure out how to accept this situation without totally hating my H and blaming him for all of this. Or if I should just pack up and leave and let him deal with the mess he's made of his own life. I do love him more than anything, but I'm on the verge here and I just don't know how I'm going to make it.

mumm2five,
Has your H been faithful during your M? Do you have any reason to suspect that he may have children conceived at any other time during your M? If he has been faithful, why would you want to leave him? While he may have other children, it wouldn't change what you have together. You obviously have been happily married (I think) for eight years.

You shouldn't dwell on his past indiscretions right now. You didn't think that you were the first woman he slept with, did you? The fact that he had unprotected sex is very sad indeed. Being thankful for the fact that he (nor you) conracted an STD is key. My H has two children from his first marriage. I could be angry over that or we can deal with it. Your anger won't change the past. When he returns you should talk with him openly and honstly and tell him that this sudden news of a new child has caught you off guard and you are having difficulty accepting it. And if you are honest and truly love your husband, you will work through this.

My H has one more year of child support! And my kids have graduated high school and are in college. We have always focused on when we would be empty nesters and we are enjoying this time. My biggest fear came after he had his A that she would end up pregnant, and thankfully, by the grace of God, that didn't happen. For now, focus on the things in your life that you have been so richly blessed with....a loving husband, wonderful children....and work to affair-proof your M so that you never have to go through the pain of an A and the OC that could result.

Take care and be blessed!
SS