Help!!!!!!!<P>Ok, first I want to say I'm very sorry to everyone on here of late. For I haven't been much help to anyone, I just seem to keep wanting to ask for help these days but yet offer none. It's so unlike me. I just can't think about much else other than the mess I'm in and hope you all can understand. <P>I'm at a real bummer of a day again today...gee I wonder why? I must also explain that I'm the type of person who believes my dreams come true at times. Well not all of them, just the real vivid ones. Thusfar they've all been dead nuts on. Well this morning I had another one. It hurts too much to describe but I'll say it basically was W going to meet OM for a role in the hay. I've had serious gut feelings they've been in contact again, eventhough he's 600+ miles away now. I think they've even slept together since she's been up here too. MY gut feelings are pretty well dead nuts too. As those of you who know my all to long story, I've had the "dear Jane" letter written for about a week or 2 now but yet I can't bring myself to give it to her. I don't wnat to hurt her like that even after all the pain she is still putting me thru. Why can't I do this? I'm going nuts just worrying about when I'm gonna give it to her. I need to just do it and get it over with. Oh if it was only that simple. I guess what I need to do is sit and think about everything she did with OM and dwell on it a bit in order to get my blood boiling, then I'd have no problem giving it to her. But then I worry about the added stress this will bring to her situation. Being pregnant with OM's child has got to be a major stress factor but she's still showing no signs of the typical "end of affair" type stated by Dr. Harley...NONE! That's what leads me to think she's still incontact. I so much wish she would just be as honest with me as I am with her. I'd trade honesty for her beauty anyday. Ugh! I just need all this to end, you know? On top of all this, our 8th wedding anniversary is a week away. I can't get my heart into celebrating that day but I know she's gonna put on her act as she has in the past. I want no part of it, I'd feel like it's a lie. I'm not happy in this marriage, why celebrate it? I also would hate to give her this letter to close to that day.<BR>BTW - it was a year ago this week she finally confessed after she was shown the evidence I had on her... but as you all know she kept right at it up until she got pregenant by him and still may be for all I know..................<P>Sorry about the "book" above.<BR>Thank you all beforehand for all the help you've offered in the past. Especially "K", afterall he did get me a date with Marisa Tomei...

So sorry to hear about your situation. I do not know your story, but I've read your post. If it were me, and I was convinced of delivering bad news, I would wait until after the anniversary date. My W told me she wanted a divorce about 1 week before our 22nd anniversary. Even if there is reconciliation, it will be a long time before I could forget what it did to me. The hurt and anger are too great.<P><P>------------------<BR>7Habits (Dane)<BR>"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them." Einstein.<BR>

I guess tonight's gonna be the night to deliver the letter. She's at the Dr.'s making a video of the sonagram(sp?). I know she'll want to watch it, I don't think I can handle it. I got pretty upset lastnight when MiL called and started talking to me about the baby. There's no way I can handle seeing OM's child inside my wife. Perfect time to hand her the letter, no? The subject will be front and center at that point, by her doing, not mine. So that way I don't seem like I'm starting anything. Plus it'll be a happy time for her somewhat so the letter won't be just adding to the doom and gloom. God, this is hard... It'll be a long night I'm sure, I might even post here once she goes to bed for I'm sure I'll be sleeping in the computer room tonight. Wish me luck.

Blues,<P>I'm not sure that it's a great time to hand her the letter. It smacks of revenge. Of a "reaction". <P>There are two scenarios here: the one you believe to be true (affair still continuing), and one in which the affair is over and your wife wants to reconnect with you.<P>On the small chance that it's number two, if she comes home happy to show you "your baby" on video, and you hammer her with the letter---you'll have piled on a ton of resentment that will be very hard to deal with. I suggest, instead, that you try your best to watch this with your wife. Watch your wife too---try to read her. If it gets to emotional, tell her that. And see what her reactions are. But don't "react" to her.<P>And if nothing has changed, give her the letter in a couple days. Definitely do it before the anniversary (and not on it---OK!!!!) You will have "uncoupled" these two issues (her unborn child, your divorce), and she'll be able to give your letter the undivided attention it deserves.

Blues,<BR> I know I haven't been on lately and I'm sorry I didn't know about the "Dear Jane" letter, but I think you know how I feel about this. I have respect for those who feel this may be hard on her, and maybe some of this is still my bitterness, but after all you have been through and all of the support you have given your wife, when is it your turn to have some peace? I've been in your shoes somewhat, and I have to tell you I couldn't have done as much as you. The bottom line is we all remember the specific date we found out about our spouse cheating, we remember detailed facts about the lying and the hurt is still very real. Why should you have to watch the video of the other man's child? You have given her every oportunity to save your marriage including accepting a child which is not yours. From what I have read she has not truely put any real effort into anything except asking you to wait until the baby is born. Sorry Blues if I'm not sympathetic toward your wife, I just feel you have gone way beyond the call of duty of being a supportive husband. I just think it's time for you to have some relief. The day my H was served with divorce papers (we since have saved our marriage) was the first day I felt total relief and the weight was finally lifted off of my shoulders. I guess I only want the same for you. I hope all works for you Blues, I've missed talking to you!!!<P>

Hey there!<BR>K, I was thinking the same thing on my way home from work yesterday. I felt it would be pretty poor judgement on my part to give her that letter if in fact this was going to be a "happy" day for her. So I held off. Plus all the things that happened last night, even if I did give it to her, she never would have even had the chance to read it. A friend dropped off her 3 kids for us to watch till about 9:30, then SiL called and her and W talked for a good 3-4hrs! Meanwhile my son and I enjoyed watching our beloved Red Sox earn a date with our arch rival Yankees for a trip to the World Series...talk about a matchup! Go Sox! Anyways, last night just never would have been the time. She did ask me if I wanted to watch the tape, but in the next breath said, "no, nevermind, that would be to painful to you". <P>Glad, I hear ya.<BR>I just need to let her know where I stand and that I can stand there without her influence. I need to stand my ground. I'm in no way telling her I'm slamming the door on her although many think I should. I'm closing it but not locking it. It'll be all up to her to open it again and walk in. That's what I think she needs. She hasn't made any attempts to fix the situation. She's still too selfish for that and that I think will be the ruin of this marriage. The scarry thing is, I wouldn't put it past her and OM if this is all their plan, string me along, let me support the child and then BOOM! She leaves me hangin again. She's pulled stuff like that before during this affair and I think she could do it again. I'm just doing what I can to make sure it doesn't happen again. You know the saying, "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me". I feel if I give her this letter, it'll be the best thing in the long run, whichever way it works out. I just wish I could avoid the added pain it'll bring when she reads it. I don't know whether I should be there when she reads it or leave it for her to read while I'm gone for a while...??? I guess it might be better to be there.....???

Blues:<P>Gotta love those Sox, baby!!! I spent 1995-1997 working in Boston, so I was very happy to see them come back. The game was killing me tho---I figured after they got up by 2 runs in the top of the 1st they'd be in good shape. Man, what a see-saw for a while!<P>I'm going to be in Boston this Friday for 5 days. I'm looking forward to being back in the area.<P>Glad you held off.

K, <P>You're gonna be there this w/e? Dang, right in the middle of all the excitement! The Sox vs. Yanks Sat & Sun. Pats dishing up Dolphin steaks in Foxboro on Sunday! Oh, there is a Heaven and it's known as Boston! I've been doing my damnedest to find Tix for the games but with it being sold out, I'm failing.....was hoping to take my son to his first game. My brother has 2 tix for Sunday, trying to get 4 now.<P>On to other matters.....hopefully I can give W letter tonight and things will be calm and we can talk about it...???

K, <P>You're gonna be there this w/e? Dang, right in the middle of all the excitement! The Sox vs. Yanks Sat & Sun. Pats dishing up Dolphin steaks in Foxboro on Sunday! Oh, there is a Heaven and it's known as Boston! I've been doing my damnedest to find Tix for the games but with it being sold out, I'm failing.....was hoping to take my son to his first game. My brother has 2 tix for Sunday, trying to get 4 now.<P>On to other matters.....hopefully I can give W letter tonight and things will be calm and we can talk about it...???