I have been married for 6 years. I am 29 years old and I have a four year old. Plus, I have five months pregnant with our second child. When my son was 2 1/2 months old, my husband had a one night stand affair. A year later, he had another affair with his ex-wife. It happened a couple of times. Both times he admitted and said sorry. Another year later, he got drunk and had a one night stand with a co-worker. He did not admit it and I found out. Now, about two years later, he had another affair and is currently still in this affair. I immediately went and filed for divorce. I had enough. Each time I get to the point of trusting him and letting him do what he pleases without hounding him (where are you, when are you coming) questions, he seems to break my trust. I admit that when I get upset I throw the past back in his face and have said things like "Your not the one for me, why are we married, you don't make me happy." He said that this really hurt him and he just got to the point that if he can't make me happy then why be together. We have seen two counselors but they were good at listening but didn't really help us. This website gives so much more perspective on how to handle communication, infidelity, etc. He has never told me he wants a divorce but he is still with this women. He moved out and it has been about a month. I have tried reconciling and working on myself. I continue to be nice and asking him to stop his affair and come back home. He told me he can't committment but to give him some time. He said he is really confused and doesn't want to lose his family. I tried to not contact him, then he contacts me asking what I am up to, etc. I told him that my hands are tied and that I must go through with this divorce. He is not trying or repentful. Just last night he finally talked to me. He said that this thing he has with this other women (co-worker at work who he sees regularly)is not all what I may think it is. He said that he will pay rent for one more month and we can try to talk and work on us. He said that he will see our church counselor at church in two weeks to get some clarity but has not come out again to say that this affair is over. I do love him and see God's children as He sees them. When we met he was everything I wanted and so good and decent. Am I hoping that one day he can be like that again? I've stay through 3 affairs trying. He says that his biggest problem is our communication (yes I swear and have hit him and angry outburst but look what I have gone through) and he can't handle that. Plus, he says that our sex life is not working for him. I was a virgin before I met him and he has been in lots of relationships.

As he said last night that he would be willing to work on us. He got served the papers and got upset of course. I felt bad and went to his place to talk to him about it. It was late and one thing lead to another and I pursued him and we ended up having sex, funny I know. Why should I feel upset though? He is the one cheating on me. I don't know if I am doing this as part of a competition with this other women. He says that it will end soon and she is not a decent women of course. I feel he is a sex addict and if I try again he will do it again even if things are perfect. I love my family and I do still love him but I am so scared to try too. It has been so hard and there have been more tears than smiles in this relationship. I have a Savior complex where I don't care about myself and willing to sacrifice my happiness for the sake of my children. I also have step children who are deeply affected by our separation and what is going on. I feel deep down if we both tried (which he stated that he is probably willing to again) that we could be happy like when we first met. But then I feel he has this inner weakness to have affairs with other women. Each time we go out, he doesn't pay attention usually to me but is always looking around seeing who is watching him or if women notices him. He is very attractive and likes the attention. His father was a big time womanizer too and his step dad was not a good influence in his life of out to treat women. If anyone could help that would be great. Not sure whether to stay or just move on!

Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a great place to be under the circumstances. Your husband sounds like he is a serial cheater. You can expect the rest of your married life to be like the last few years have been unless HE makes the effort to change. So far, it seems like he doesn't feel the need to change.

I would continue with the divorce and protect your children financially. Maybe that will wake him up. Giving him more time to figure out what he wants, just allows the affair to continue.

You said he was once a decent man. It really sounds like that is more a figment of your imagination. Good men don't abandon their family and pregnant wives for affairs. If it was a one time mistake my advice would be different. But your hubby is developing a pattern.

Unfortunately, I agree with Believer on your situation.

He's had numerous affairs, even after having seen how badly that hurts you and destroys your marriage and your trust in him.

Unless something happens to him to prompt a change in him, I too think you're going to see this pattern continue. HOPEFULLY, continuing with your divorce might provide that stress to make him change. If he sees that he stands to lose you forever if he doesn't change, it MIGHT convince him to change.

I'd caution you with this...do NOT accept him back into your life based on his WORDS. He may SAY that he's changed, but that's not likely true given his past behaviors. ACTIONS are what you need to base your choices off of from now on.

Make it clear to him that if he continues in his present pattern, you will no longer be a part of his life in ANY way. Not his friend, not his backup plan...that you're his wife, or NOTHING.

Often that's the kind of shock that the WS needs to realize that they're losing their BS. But even if it doesn't...do you REALLY want to continue this dance with him for the rest of your life?