Haven't been on in awhile, have been having some health problems.

As you all know, D was final a few weeks ago. I explained the D to DS, who's 10. He knew his father left last year to live with OW, but I think he had hoped we'd get back together. So when the D was final, I explained it all to him, age appropriate.

Well Ex takes him for visitation on Saturday, said he can't afford to go anywhere, so he takes him to his home, where of course OW is. Then they all went window shopping in a mall.

When DS got home he was VERY quiet. He never opens up about stuff, even to his counselor. I finally got him to tell me that OW was there, went with them to the mall. I had explained to him previously that OW will be there now when he goes to his father's home. He said it was just weird being around her and his father in the mall.


I had orders prior to the D to keep OW away from the kids. Now that the D is over, those orders are gone. I just would have hoped that Ex would have waited a little longer to expose DS to OW. I mean he's just adjusting to the D news. Plus he takes him to the mall like it's a family outing!

I'm having a REAL hard time with this. I know Ex and OW see this as a victory, as I fought so hard to keep OW away from the kids while the D was in process. Even in the D documents I had wanted a clause there saying the kids couldn't be around her, but of course that wasn't possible. Ex can have anyone around the kids as long as she does not harm them etc. Now we are D'd, I can't say a thing, and I'm sure Ex and OW see that as a victory and are happy with that.

I just want to protect my kid, and Ex only cares to pretend they are one big happy family!!

I just was reading another post about how A's end 2 years after exposure. Well it has been 14 months after exposure for Ex, and now that he's having OW meet the kids etc., I don't see it ever ending!

I'm so sorry for you and your son. What a hateful, insensitive thing for them to do to your son! Adultery is so evil and especially evil for how it hurts the innocent children. And the way the adulterers expect the children to just pretend it doesn't bother them makes it all even sicker. They're selfish - they don't care what it does to the children to see them together - they just want everyone to pretend endorsement for their adultery. YUCK

Is there somebody your son can talk to about this? A youth group pastor, family counselor, etc.?

My WX's adultery really affected our daughters (youngest was 10 like your son when WX moved out) but luckily they never had to meet the OW in person.

It's shameful that they didn't even give you or your son any warning first. I read somewhere that after a certain age most children of divorce refuse to have anything to do with the adulterous parent...

Even though I was the one with grounds for divorce I tried to save the marriage and have not gotten involved with another man. My daughters know I won't do anything to hurt them like their father did. Your son is old enough to understand and someday your X and the OW will hear from him how he eally feels. For now though he might keep his true feelings hidden from them while only letting you know it's upsetting to him. It's not fair but he's probably afraid he won't get to see his dad at all unless he accepts the OW too. Grrrr

your H is acting in a manner that will harm his child. Your son most likely felt guilty about going out with her. Remind him that it is not his fault. Also, encourage your son to talk about this with his dad. My son, who is now 11, did so and it had a dramatic impact.

I don't know how your custody order is worded but if you are able to move a distance away from your ex, that might benefit your child. Each state has its own rules...but putting physical distance in between them will lessen the likelihood of the OW being at sporting events, school events and other things. It's just a thought.

I am sorry you find yourself in this position.

MEDC

Cat, sorry gal...

This does suck big time. I know as my ex WW is shacking up with her loser, POS old man and has my step daughter in the home with them (raised this little girl from one to now 11 years of age). She also exposes OUR 2 1/2 year old biological son to him when she has her visitation (As I have full custody). If he were older and understood adultey (as the OM is still married at this time and getting ready to have his clocked cleaned by STBXW in court) I would and will be going back to court for modification of custody. Of course I suspect the idiots will marry each other by then. Which may be better because the serial cheating POS OM can start doing "his thing" again (12 documented affairs on STBXW) with the litte woman in the fold and a band on her hand.

Don't know what to say except one day you will have the opportunity to really explain who this POS OW is and what she did to your son's family and then he will be old enough to make his own deicsions regarding crappy XH and OW at that time. May not be pretty for your XH forcing this issue because he can right now. Your son will not always be young.

I agree. I think DS is torn between me and Ex. He doesn't want to tell me anything about what went on with Ex and OW because I think he feels he has an allegiance to me. Probably not a good thing, me being quite vocal on this, but both kids know I do not like OW, so he probably feels that if he talks about what went on at his visits, he is betraying me.

He is in IC, but he keeps everything inside, doesn't share with the counselor much. This is his second counselor, so I don't think it is a counselor issue. This counselor is EXTREMELY sensitive to the children's issues. I am pleased with this IC.

I would love to move away, but right now it is not possible financially, but it is definitely an option for the future. I do have a clause in the D decree that states I am able to move. Don't know if Ex would contest it or not.

I think Ex just wants to justify that this A really was true love, see I'm taking the kid out with her like one big happy family. YUCK!

Everyone told me eventually the kids would meet the OW. I was aware of that. I just thought Ex would do it gradually and let DS adjust to the D first.

DD is a teen, so she knows what's going on. She abhors the OW, and she is quite vocal, so she would tell me everything. I wouldn't be surprised if she told the OW off!

Perhaps with counsleing DS would talk to Ex about his feelings, but I doubt it. He never was that kind of kid.

I thought I would get closure after the D, but it just seems that a whole new set of problems have arisen now!

Unfortunately, DD as I said is quite vocal. She states her opinion of OW, calls her names I'd rather not repeat. DS hears all this. I've told her to keep her comments to herself, at least not in front of DS, but believe it or not he's a smart child who I think knows more than anyone is giving him credit for. I bet he already is forming his own opinion, but like meremortal said, I bet he's just tolerating it all so he gets to see his Dad. It breaks my heart like no one can imagine.

It just absolutley kills me, that my kid has to go through so much pain and agony, alot of it inside pain, that he doean't even share, all because of Ex. I've read so much of how D affects kids and all. He never asked for this!

I cannot fathom how anyone can be so selfish, especially when kids are concerned.

His OW is a kid herself, 17 years younger for goodness sake. What the he## is Ex thinking!!????

How I wish this A would end, that OW would cheat on him and dump him. I think they will marry though.

Cat,

I am sorry to hear that your kids are having to go through this, as well as you.

I am in your same sitch. Except I am still married and my WS is carrying on right in front of my kids. DD6 told me the other day about them kissing on the lips!

I wish I had hgreat advise for you, but alas, I can only give you my empathy and symapthy.

Hang in there!

Cat - does he have another outlet for expressing emotions?

My son can articulate his feelings now, but when he was ten, he hated himself and wouldn't really say why.

He now plays the piano - just creates music - or the violin (he's been playing for 4 years, studying private lessons for 1 year). Plus he plays tennis and soccer.

Sometimes they can't say the words, but give them a tool to express something that they can get the feeling out makes a lot of sense.