I've come to realize that a big part of why hubby and I butt heads is our personalities. I'm very proactive and i've finally come to realize that he's reactive.

Quick example: we don't know the lot lines to our yard. I tell him there's a dead tree near neighbors pool (not sure if it's ours or theirs.) He says well if it fell on it and it happens to be ours then our insurance will take care of it. This makes me crazy, my proactive personality just screams why would you want to wait until there is a problem?

There are other examples also where he puts off things until they become an issue where I think if you take care of things then they don't become a problem.

I feel like my views are compromised so much in our marriage. I like order, he doesn't mind mess. I believe things should be put back in their spot, he leaves things wherever convenient (including on counters, in front of the garage doors - think you get the picture!)

Anyway I just feel like I have had to compromise soooo much. He knows how I feel, yet doesn't make changes. I do a lot of overlooking of his mess so as not to be fighting. I just wish he'd meet me halfway.

So how does the proactive and reactive personalities learn to compromise?

I am anxious for someone to answer this question. I am the reactive one in my M. It is not that I want to be so disorganized or "messy". <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> I feel like I have so much on my plate that my mind is running faster then I can keep up with. My H doesn't understand why I can't take the 30 seconds to put something away instead of just setting it on the counter or whatever. I don't understand that either. My intentions is always to come back and do it, but more times then not it seems I never do. And contrary to what it seems like, I hate when the house is a mess. It overwhelms me at times. I also figure i'm the one who will eventually clean it up and it's not like I expect someone else to pick up after me. But it still leaves the house a mess. It's funny you mention putting something right in front of the garage. I do that all the time (not necessarily the garage, sometimes I sit something on his side of the bed, in front of his closet, etc) I promise I NEVER do this with the intention to make him mad. He doesn't see it that way and I understand that. It seems as easy to just not do it but for some reason my mind doesn't seem to work that way. I can't explain it and wish I could be more concscience of it when I do it, but I don't. It seem obvious later, but not at the time.

My MC and I discussed the possibility that I have adult ADD and I scored quite high so the questionaire so now I have to go to my physician to discuss it with him.

I have no answers for you at all, only a different perspective. It's not always conscience and certainly not done to hurt you i'm sure. I am personally trying to make myself more aware of it, but it is hard to do.
Good Luck. I am anxiously awaiting some inspiring words too! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

H4C, go to www.flylady.com. It's fun and inspiring and will help you get on track with habits. Putting stuff back or picking up is less about the mind than about habits.

Sadtonight, Oh, boy! I could regale you with stories, and I bet my ex trumps your H for messiness. Currently, there's a toilette that's been sitting by his kitchen door for almost a year. I still have some of his mess in my basement. It was terrible. I had his inventory of old books and paintings in my dining room, filling the basement, in my upstairs office/sitting room, filling a shed and filling the broken down subaru in the driveway. It caused me to much stress that as I vacuumed around the stuff, I'd just feel "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you." He would promise to clean up, but never did, and that made it worse.

Now, my ex wasn't at all concerned about my feelings on any front, and he did a LOT of other LBs. But Annoying Behaviors are lovebusters too. And being disorganized and messy is an annoying behavior.

So, you need to sit down when you aren't upset and talk calmly to your husband about how stressful you find it when stuff isn't put away. Share with him that it's so stressful that it hurts your marriage, and ask for his help. What would it take for him to be enthusiastic about putting stuff away? Can you give him some of his own "clutter" space? (If you do this, mark it off with tape. I kid you not.)

IF that doesn't work, you may want to try throwing the stuff away. "Oh, honey, I thought it must be trash since you left it out by the garage." Also, don't help him look for stuff that he can't find because he didnt' put it away.

"I also figure i'm the one who will eventually clean it up and it's not like I expect someone else to pick up after me."

Yup - that's part of the reason I have a clutter problem too.

I have even caught myself brushing crumbs off of the kitchen countertop onto the floor assuring myself I'll sweep the floor later... Now that would be OK I guess if I really did sweep the floor within the next 24 hours LOL

I'm off to the flylady website - I have her book and LOVE it - have never been to her website.

See, you all should have had an Obsessive-Compulsive father like me! I'm not like my dad, but boy, did I learn the tenent of "do it now."

But, I'l let you in on a little secret--My closets are pretty messy.