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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 36
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OP
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 36 |
Hi everyone, it has been about 18 months since I have last been here and a lot has happened. Quick recap:
Wife had an affair (physical / emotional) with my next door neighbour / friend. Seperated after about a year of me trying to fix things (counselling, plan a, b etc).
We sold our house and I bought a smaller house for me and my kids in the same neighbourhood. I stayed in town because my parents live there and were/are a great support.
OM moved out of his house and took up an apartment, wife bought a new house in a nearby town (both in the same town). They continued to see each other until about une of this year when she woke up and came back.
I fully trust that this affair is over. OM has moved back in with his wife. My wife now lives in my house. Problem: OM continues to try and make his presence known. Drives by our house etc. It is a constant reminder of what happened and I get enraged. It seems because we live in a small town there is always a reminder.
We are considering moving to a town 2 hours away where we have some supportive friends. However this would mean moving away from my family. My parents are in love with their grandchildren and would be upset if we left. I also feel that they may resent wife for putting us in this situation. (they are aware of affair and have forgiven wife). Your advice?
BS - Me 36
FWS - 36
DD 4 & 7
M - 8 years
DDay - 18/11/05
Sep - 01/09/06
Reconciled - 01/06/07
Recovering
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,701
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,701 |
Does the OM's wife know he has been driving by your home?
Why don't you and your wife together inform her of this? Let her be angry about it instead of you...
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 36
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OP
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 36 |
Yes she knows, she is just as bad. She hates my wife and is also taking to going for walks in front of our house. We do our best to avoid their street but they seem to go out of their way to make themselves visible.
BS - Me 36
FWS - 36
DD 4 & 7
M - 8 years
DDay - 18/11/05
Sep - 01/09/06
Reconciled - 01/06/07
Recovering
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 231
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 231 |
I wouldn't move unless it is the last resort or if you find out there is contact between your FWS and OP. I would let his wife know what he's up to and ask her to let him know that it is disrepectful for you and his BS.
MikeTC
BH-Me(46)
WW-41
DD(10)DS(8)
1st Separation 9/13/06 (2wks)
D-Day 9/28/06
2nd Separation 12/25/06 to 4/30/07
Plan B- 1/5/07 - 4/30/07 when she wants to come back home (false recovery)
Latest contacts w/ OP - 7/13/07, 8/9/07, 8/14/07, 12/20/07, 2/6/08 & 2/7/08 and who knows
1/25/08 to present - Plan A when possible
My story
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044 |
Move. Move. Move.
You will never find peace in your current situation. Your kids will resent her a lot more for continued drama then they will for having to move.
This has the potential to turn bad if you stay where you are at. This is a minor form of stalking and like most...it is USUALLY a spring board for even greater intrusions.
Move....can be costly.
Peace of mind...priceless.
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 2,715
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 2,715 |
I agree with MEDC...which is unheard of.
Move...staying there in a toxic environment isn't going to be good for anyone.
You'll never get over it with all those steady reminders. Eventually things could even escalate. Better to avoid that possibility and give your marriage a chance to heal.
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 36
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OP
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 36 |
Thanks everyone. Going to look at a house tonight. Wish us luck!
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 71
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 71 |
I'm certainly not an expert here. But I would move. Do what you have to do for your marriage, that's the most important thing for your kids.
Also, if OM continues this behavior at the new place, you might seriously consider notifying the police, getting a restraining order, etc.
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