Ok here is the run down. And please be mindful this is my first time being on the board.

My wife and I have been married for 8 months. We started out ok we were good friends we always laughed and talked about any and everything. I was supposed to get a high paying job through someone that I looke at as a father figure and the job fell through. So my wife originally was the only one who was working. Well I got another job and I felt like I owed it to my wife to pay her back for all the times when she was working and I was at home depressed and being a loser. So I took her off of her job. Well the job included long hours and as a consequence my wife would be at home alone and she began to become miserable because she had nothing to do on a daily basis. So she began to work with me. Well the job was another dead end job so we both quit. Fortunately we were blessed to maintain finances...we didn't have everything we wanted but we had everthing we needed. Rent was always paid, lights, gas, water everything. So I began to work a new job that allowed me to have a flexible schedule. My wife and I would get into argumetns and one problem would be that we would argue like people off the street rather that husband and wife. ALmost like we were trying to say something to the other that we knew would hurt them. So one occasion I said something very rude to her. I left and when I came back home she was at her mother's house and she was planning to stay for a while. We patched things up and then she came back home and we were ok for the time being. We began to hang out with some of my friends and she was beginning to become upset because they were not doing and being the people who they made it seem like they were and we would argue about that. She began to say that she was unhappy but she would still seem to me like she was so I thought that it was a faze that she would come out of.

FAST FORWARD- On her birthday my cousin was back in town from his army basic training. I made the mistake of going to church with him instead of with her on her birthday. Then at the party which was at a bowling alley she said that I was not intersted in her. So after the party she stayed at her parents house for a couple of days. I begged her to come back and told her that we could fix it together. SHe came back and while going through my phone she finds some text messages that she did not want to find. It was an exchange that I had with another female. I borrowed money from her to support us because I didn't want my wife to worry but I had to kind of butter her up to do it. I did not sleep with her or anything she was someone from my past. Well my wife say's that it was over between us and she leaves. She comes back and she finds more information that I lied to her about. And she has moved everything of hers out of our home, she has changed her address, she has closed a bank account of ours and she says she wants a divorce.

We go and talk to our Pastor and he says that he believes that our marriage is fixable and it is not beyond repair. I love my wife dearly and I want to be with no one else but her. I don't expect her to forget the lies I told her or the times she has cried but I want her to see that I am despretly sorry and I want to fix our marriage and move forward because she is the most important person in my life.

HELP IF YOU CAN, [color:"red"]

awberry

Welcome to MB, awberry.

Why would you compel your W not to work if she wanted to? I understand wanting to repay her for supporting you - but if she was happy at her work, why not let her keep working?

Why ask another woman to borrow money if your wife was able to work also so you could be self-sufficient as a couple?

Why would you use the vulnerability of another woman to borrow money? That's kind of a crappy thing to do to the other woman, and an even crappier thing to do to your wife.

Lies will be the undoing of more relationships... I've always said that I'd rather hear an ugly truth than a pretty lie. Radical honesty ONLY going forward OK?

Read up on Plan A and start working on YOU, right now, OK? You've clearly got some things that need work. You can work on your marriage by working on yourself. You can't fix or control what your wife does - so don't bother trying.

Read all the articles on this site, and you may want to pick up His Needs, Her Needs and other books by the Harleys.

Yep, it's fixable - but you have to be willing to fix yourself at this point.

In support,

JinGA

All this has happened in 8 months? There is way too much going on here. You (both) need to settle down and start living like adults.

First of all, you need to take care of your own financial problems. This means working - both of you if necessary - and even if the job isn't the greatest. If you find yourself in dire straits due to financial circumstances, borrow money from family, never from friends and NEVER from other women, regardless of your lack of sexual relations with her. Also, keep your wife in the loop.

Regarding birthdays - if you have only been married 8 months, this was her first birthday as your wife. To consider spending it with anybody else is a big slap in the face to her.

Your last sentence says that she is the most important person in your life. You need to consciously treat her as though she is. This means putting her first above everyone eles, including yourself at times. This means being completely honest with her about EVERYTHING. Because you have failed at these already, it will take some time and effort to rebuild her trust in you. Read the Basic Concepts about love busters and emotional needs and read it carefully.

I don't mean to sound as harsh as this, but I just want you to truly recognize your mistakes. Only then can you stop yourself from repeating them.