Hi. I am new at this so please forgive me. I have been seperated for 2 yrs. My husband left and thought we needed time apart. He has been having a affair for 2 yrs. We have still been seeing each other and now have a baby that is 5 mo.old and also have a 11 yr old. The only thing is I just found out that he has just had a new baby with the lover. I am so confused I thought he was going to come home but now things are so crazy and I am so confused. Can a marriage survive this kind of troubles. I love him very much. I called Dr Harley's radio show right before I found out about the baby and did what he suggested with using plan b complete seperation but I don't know now. Please help with any ideas. <BR>Hopy

hi hopy,<P>first, you have come to the right place. there are many loving, helpful people here.<P>Plan b is diffucilt at first, but it will get better. Plan B is so that you can find time to heal. I think that Dr. H. is right to give you this advice.<P>To answer you question if a marriage can survive this, my answer is yes. It will not be easy, but as you will find from being here, miracles do happen. Love and understanding can make any relationship heal.<P>I am sorry that you are going through this pain. you will find may friends and support here.<P>Keep posting and undating us on yourself. Take care of yourself and your child. That is the most important thing you can do right now.<P>God Bless,<P>bilu

Amazingly, yes, a marriage can survive this. I wouldn't have thought so either, but I've seen it here time and time again.<P>Keep posting, even though it seems like the responses are a bit slow right now. One thing is that over the weekends, it's slower. Lot's of us check this board out from work (SHAME ON US, WASTING COMPANY TIME ) But that's the truth of it.<P>You'll find lots of help here...<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Hopy, This is a good place to get hope. I came here not very long ago desperate for something to help me make sense of what my H had done, and is doing. I felt like since he was now living with OW that was the end of everything. But reading and talking to all of these people has shown me that it is too early to give up. Even though we are separated and I never hear from him I am in plan A. I have started sending him little note and letters anything to get his attention and to let him know I still care. But I only was able to do this with the support of this group. I really don't have any suggestions. Plan B is hard but if yoou are ready for it go ahead you will have the support here. If you feel you are not completely ready for this step you might try a little bit of plan A then go in to Planb. Just a suggestion. Sort of like tell himm you care and you love him with notes and conversation then in a month you could go in to Plan B. Mainly it is what you feel comfortable doing. But remember this is a good place to come to vent, cry, yell and even rejoice.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Hopy, I too am new to this. Ireally wish that I wasn't even here, but it seems to me that reading what other people write in response to your pleas for help does help.<BR>There are a lot of people that are in the same pain that you are in, and sometimes just sharing that pain begins the healing process. There are also alot of people here that can give you good advise because they have been where you are.<BR>I hope that you keep writing and that all goes well for you.<P>------------------<BR><BR>That Which does not kill us makes us stronger.<BR>

Hopy...<P>You've come to the right place. There are a lot of great people with helpful & insightful advice. This support group has helped me. I don't post questions much, but I try to respond to others' posts as much as I can.<P>Yes, marriage can survive what your marriage has gone through. Miracles do happen.<P>Right now, take care of yourself and your baby. If Plan B is what Dr. H suggests, maybe that's what you should do (that is, if you are ready for it).<P>Keep posting here. You'll get the support you need.

I want to thank you for the letters of support. It is nice to know I'm not the only one out here that has the problems. It has been so very hard trying to deal with this. I have alot of family and church family that has been trying to help but what they want me to do I feel is to make the only decision and that is divorce. I don't feel I can make that decision. I still love my husband very much don't get me wrong I am very upset and angry at the situation that he has put me and my children in. It is hard for me to understand why someone leaves a problem then goes and gets involved and as a baby to only go right back into things he left. I have read many books trying to understand but I don't. I know most affairs end naturally but I'm scared about this one because the ow is very young and now has this baby by my husband. I thought I have been doing plan a and that is why I decided to use the advice of Dr. H. with plan b. The only thing I have stated my boundaries as far as the children only seeing them one day every other weekend and had him take all of his things out of the house and return the keys; but he still pays all the bills. This is so hard I am so confused. I feel like am being pulled in so many different directions. I having the hardest time getting over the bitterness I feel because he hurt me so much and I have been with him half my life. This is not the only affair he has had 2 others and every time he has come home promised to prove his love for me and never has yet to say he is sorry even for this one and all the pain he has caused me and my 11 year old daughter who thought her dad hung the moon. Well I guess I will go for now just wanted to say Thank You for the support and letting me blow off steam. I feel like I have lost all hope but I feel like their is a little spark trying to light up again. <BR>Thanks again: Hopy

HOPY, IT IS TRUE YOU CAN GET HELP HEAR BUT TAKE IT FOR WHAT IT IS WORTH, ONLY YOU CAN MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY, FOCUS ON YOUR CHILDREN AND GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE, IF HE COME BACK, WORK THROUGH THE MARRIAGE BUILDERS BOOK OF THE DOCTOR. I HAVE READ THEM ALL AND THEY HELP. THE PROBLEMS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP ARE HURTING YOU AND YOUR KIDS, WATCH OUT FOR THEM AND YOURSELF FIRST THEN YOUR HUSBAND WILL MAYBE SEE WHAT HE HAS LOST. DO THE 180 (SEE <A HREF="http://WWW.WEINER-DAVIS.COM)" TARGET=_blank>WWW.WEINER-DAVIS.COM)</A> CHECK OUT DIVORCEBUSTING BOOK, IT HAS SOME OTHER GOOD IDEAS AND CASE STUDY SIMLIAR TO YOUR , GOD BLESS YOU AND YOU KIDS, THEY SUFFER THE MOST IN THE LONG RUN AND YOU MUST BE STRONG FOR THEM. PEACE