Good evening all,

I'm writing this because my fustration with my wife has reached a critical level. Thanks to her careless actions, we have spent the last year (which was our first year) of marriage in recovery from her affair. She has been taking somewhat of a proactive effort to improve, getting on meds and she just started IC. But the real problem is her alcoholism. I just can't take coming home to her intoxicated anymore and I told her that. Tonight I came home and she is completely intoxicated and has been chatting with some of our neighbors. I am so embarassed by her actions when she drinks.

The problem is she has said that she is not ready to stop, so she is uncapable or unwilling. I have explained that her drinking is the biggest lovebuster in our R. I'm at the point now where I have decided to move out, atleast temporarily. I believe it is neccessary to withdraw in order to preserve the love I have left for her. At this rate she is withdrawing from the love bank so fast and frequently that she is in danger of incurring a huge deficit and I'm afraid the only action that will be left is bankruptcy.

Besides her alcohol dependancy, the R is good. I just don't know how to handle this situation. She thinks that me leaving is not being supportive to her. I know I'm not the only one who has dealt with this type of situation. I'm just looking for some insight or advice from the kind and wise folks on this board.

i have been married 1 year also , my wife has a drink problem,shes had an affair,we are now separated ,see my other posts ..a few words of experience .

you WONT change her

you WILL end up hating her

go to alanon its embarrasing etc etc if i had done it sooner things would be different!

the hardest thing in the world is to be cruel to the one you love,but i know now i should have thrown my wife out to hit bottom ,give her a way back but with strict boundaries

good luck ,im here most days and still going through the same as you ,a little further down the road.

Thanks for the reply englander.
you stated:
"the hardest thing in the world is to be cruel to the one you love,but i know now i should have thrown my wife out to hit bottom ,give her a way back but with strict boundaries"

Are you suggesting that I am correct in my decison to leave her or atleast get out of the situation? I just cant tolerate the drinking anymore. She comes from a family with a alcoholic history and they drink when they get together. I just afraid that I will have to deal with this for the rest of my life. She has not always had this problem and I think if she makes improvment, she will want to moderate instead of abstanance. Im just really confused right now.

i wouldnt leave ,but i wouldnt expect her to change ,she is the only one who can change that !

eventually you realise you can only change you,
read all you can ,go to alanon,tell her how it makes you feel when she drinks ,

if you love her,do all YOU can the rest is upto her,you cant change that.

keep posting will help all i can .