froraymond07,



my wife had an affair with someone she meet over the internet,i caught her in the lies after they had meet at a hotel about 50 miles from our home. i was torn apart,she said it was a mistake and both had families and did not want to lose that,my heart is torn,i have no peace,i have no trust,my personality is changing.Is there anyone out there that has been through this and can tell me that things will get better i need help

Welcome to MarriageBuilders, Ray...

Yes, many others here have been through this...we have felt your pain, shock, fear and felt torn down our middles.

Read here...learn and grow...get "Surviving An Affair" by Dr. Harley...best act of love you can do for yourself and for your marriage.

Peace can come again...trust can be rebuilt...your personality isn't changing...your perspective and perception is changing. Sure can feel like you're altered inside...you're still whole, complete and marvelously made. Trust me. It's true.

SAA explains Plan A in depth...here are the highlights. If you are choosing to save your marriage...that's your choice, your goal you set, not dependent on anyone else's choices...then Plan A is a great plan to achieve your goal.

If you are choosing to end your marriage, to divorce, please know that is your right. What you choose is solely yours...be of good conscience in this and know you aren't unreasonable if you choose to end your marriage based on infidelity.

Please tell us more...how long married, children or not, if you've exposed to OMW as well as your family, her family.

We're here for you.

You're not alone. Many here have recovered their marriages, and built thriving ones...all from their own choices.

Other great books...His Needs, Her Needs by Harley; Torn Asunder by Carder; Boundaries in Marriage by Cloud and Townsend...a lot of awesome people out there sharing what they know, what they've learned...take advantage of their generosity...learn how relationships really work...about your power, your limits and how to partner.

You can do this.

LA

how do i get this book

You definately need to expose it to the other man's wife.

You wife won't and that's for sure.

Ray,

It's available from the bookstore on this site and can also be found at other book vendors on the web as well as in many local bookstores including Christian bookstores.

The link on this site is >>> Bookstore <<<

You aren't alone and aren't the first to experience this.

Read the Basic Concepts on this site and the Q&A Columns related to infidelity, get the book and read it and ask questions as you think of them.

Just so you know, it can get slow around here on weekends, so try to be patient. You can't fix all of it in a couple days any way, so don't worry that it isn't happening.

Hang in there.

Mark

need help fogiving,my wife has asked for forgiveness,and seems very humbled. I do love her , the pain is almost unbearable at times.Is there anyone out there taht has gone through this and still has a strong marriage

you can make it thru this raymond. think of your marriage as a dish (fine china even). it has now shattered but it can be turned into a mosiac as there is an opportunity to create something different, something better. the pain does feel unbearable. affairs have lots of things in common and the book which may even be at your library will help you understand what these things are and present a plan to recover. meanwhile read the articles on the main site.

Raymond,

There are many here who have recovered their marriage after an affair. More to the point, there are many who no longer post here regularly that not only recovered their marriage, but built a new and better one, one that is not just good, but great.

When I arrived it was reading the advice given to and by those that came before me that helped me to understand what I needed to do.

Have you read the Basic Concepts and articles yet? If not, see this>>> Basic Concepts

And also this>>> Surviving Infidelity

Also check out some of the links in this post: Posts I found useful Scroll to the bottom of the page.

Only time will heal the wounds and bring back the trust that has been betrayed. You can do this.

Read! Read! Read!

Then ask questions and be ready to read some more.

Mark

I can't even believe I am here. This God forsaken computer is a huge part of what got us to this point and I hope it will help me live through the aftermath.

15 months ago I discovered that my husband was involved in a long distance EA with a woman I think he met on a business trip. I can find no information otherwise. I confronted him immediately and ferociously and after a time we decided to try to work things out. I kept the secret.

I thought he had ended all contact with her. We separated about a year ago in the midst of apparently insane satetments like he loves me but is not in love with me, we married for the wrong reasons, I deserve better than him....

We were separated for 4 months and I embarked on Plan A without ever having found this site. I guess God works it out for us. WE reconciled and after a time I began to feel the same vibes again and after trying to convince myself I was just not trying hard enough, I became a world class snoop again.

He has been involved with at least 15 women online, most simultaneously, had a dating website on Match.com identifying himself in our VERY small rural area. Despite his assurances he wne to see the OW during our separation. He has been physically unfaithful with at least one that I know of, but at this point, he has given away so much of himself that giving his body really is just not that much worse.

He has lied so long, I am not sure he knows when he is doing it anymore. He is still having contact with at least 1 of them. I track cell phone usage. He lies so much that I occasionally think I am the one who is crazy. I still have told almost no one.

This is not my husband. I still love this man like I did many years ago. I hate this, I hate being here. I am still in so much pain it hurts to breathe.

I just found this site and I have to do something. I have grown into the best me I can. God has stretched me further than I thought I could grow.

I thought I was protecting our children but remaining silent, but now I am not so sure. I really don't know what to do.

I am sorely tempted to contact OW. I am not sure to what purpose as I will not curse at her and she knows he is married, so I don't imagine my calm directive to get the **** away from my husband is likely to do much good.

Anything offered would go a long way to helping me breathe for another day.

ME 37
WH 36
3 children 5,9,13
M 15 years
D day - 7/12/2006

csong -

Please start your own thread - just copy and paste where it says new post. Otherwise yours will get mixed up with Ray's.