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Joined: Dec 2000
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I hope that I can offer hope to some of you struggling right now.

My husband moved home after 18 months of separation due to his affair on August 1, 2001. So this means, that this August 1st marked 6 years of recovery, and nearly 8 years since DDay.

The hopeful part I hope, is that I did not even notice. I just realized this morning that this anniversary has passed. I don't think I've noticed it's passing for a few years.

So even though I read here nearly every day - I'm just not triggered anymore. I have no reason to be, my husband has eradicated his past habits that led to his affair.

Will I forget? Never.

But the pain is temporary, and will pass. Life WILL be good again one day.


~ Pain is a given, misery is optional ~
Joined: Apr 2007
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Congratulations, BR... that's awesome for both of you. It's also inspiring to the rest of us <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

JinGA


F/40, DD15 DS13 M 1989 DDay his EA May 1998. S Aug 2004. D Dec 05. I filed. 4/07 Post-D Plan A with 180, with hopes of R. 6/23/07 XH said no to R. 8/24/07 Went on a date with someone new, "B". 1/22/08 Still seeing B, life is good! Learning and growing each day. Ask me about Geocaching!
Joined: Nov 2004
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<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />GREATTTTT!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Question: Do you and your husband feel that the marriage is improved over pre-D-day levels?

Mr. G


"You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows," Bob Dylan
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Hi Mr. G...

Our marriage is ten times better than it was before the affair.

We were stupid kids when we got married, with tons of baggage and no marital skills, mixed with alot of unrealistic expectation.

We now have the tools we need to get along...


~ Pain is a given, misery is optional ~
Joined: Jun 2007
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BR,

Congrats to you and your H.

I eagerly long to be where you are one day.

I am only 3 months removed from D-Day of my W's A and have suffered 3 false NCs. My triggers are so sensitive that I feel like I have post traumatic stress at times.

I think the current one started on 2 Aug is still in place.

I had a couple of questions (if you can recall):

1) How long was it after supposed (final) NC that your H joined in counseling.

2) What form did your counseling take:

a) MC w/Harleys
b) Harley books alone
c) A & B
d) Outside MC
e) All of the above

I am encouraged by your post!

Thanks again and congrats!


BS(Me) - 47
Ex-W - 44
D final - Dec 08
Kids - 14s,13d,8d
Joined: Jan 2001
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Aloha BR,

Wow, that's great news!!!! Can't say I haven't forgotten since this d/d is coming up in Nov, our anniversary is this month and the A started in August. So I've got triggers up and down for the rest of the year! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

The point is that recovery comes in stages and you are showing us that it does get better.

All the best to you and Mr. BR.!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Aloha,
L.

Joined: Dec 2000
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Hiya Blue ~

We were separated 18 months...I kicked him out after D-Day. I didn't know about Plan A or Plan B until at roughly a year after I kicked him out.

We used the Harley's during a false recovery, and when real recovery started we used the Harley books with a few other key books.

When he ended contact for real, he immediately started working on recovery with me.


~ Pain is a given, misery is optional ~
Joined: Aug 2005
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Congratulations, Bramble!!
I'm happy you were one of the lucky ones......

May you and your husband enjoy many more happy years together.....


Best Wishes,

k.d.'s heartbreak


In the end, I have nothing to lose but everything to gain, by trying to save my marriage.

Me, betrayed wife 46
Former Wandering Husband, 51 E/A 2005
28 years of marriage
DD 26, DS 24
O/W aka, Rat 29, A-D Assisted Living
Discovery 8-20-05 Recovery ongoing.
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BR -

Mazel Tov, that is absolutely cool and amazing.

Do you have a link where I can read your story and gain some wisdom and comfort.

Can I just get a repeat of some basic facts. Anything that comes out of the WH mouth is fog and they are incapable of giving you anything at this time?

I'm struggling because all the times we have met before I walked away feeling really good about things. Tonight, I left thinking I didn't say this right or say that right and he won't notice the changes. It's making me crazy.

I have gotten my house situation taken care of and my boys and I need to move. This is really going to help us emotionally as well as financially. We will have heat for the winter. My WH told me to look for places that would or wouldn't include him. I saw my WH at a friend's house who told me he isn't coming home. That he doesn't trust the changes.

I am in Plan A and am not sure how to proceed with respect to moving. Do I pinpoint my WH for an answer, or just move my boys where I want to go, Let G-d keep doing what he is doing, and when my WH wants to come home it won't matter where I am living? Or am I off base in this thinking?

Thanks and congratulations BR, how incredible that is for you.

SG


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Hi Skinsgal, I just posted this for wildhorses on her thread, here it is for you too.

Here is the profile I wrote just after I filed for divorce: My story

Here are some threads that show where I was at:

Jumped out of Serenity and onto the Rollercoaster

Please pray for me!!

Banging my head in frustration!!!


Here is my decision to reconcile: Decision to Reconcile oh and here's a good one with my whining about recovering: Still talking about reconciliation....

Here are a bunch of my old threads from the old board: Old Threads

And because everyone eventually asks me why I am still married to an alcoholic:

Lemonman - an answer to you ?


~ Pain is a given, misery is optional ~
Joined: Dec 2005
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BR, I hadn't read this much of your story before. You are such an inspiration.


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